There’s A Mask To Control Your Dreams. Now Please Tell Us Your Most Recent Dream.


I had a sex dream last night!

Kind of. I dreamt that I met this musician at his show, and decided to have sex with him, immediately. I don’t know how I pulled this off? I believe his name was Taylor. He looked kind of like a preppy David Bowie. So, we were having sex, in my bed, because, even in dreams, American Psycho has made me worried about going to men’s apartments. But he was not wearing a condom! I said, “Stop, get a condom!” He did. We continued having sex.

Which was fine, except I remembered afterward that you could get all kinds of diseases even from the first few minutes of sex without a condom, and I did not even know this guy’s last name. I’d sent him away! How would I contact him? I couldn’t even yell at him if he gave me chlamydia! JESUS CHRIST. Then I remembered an ad where a woman talked about how valiantly her mother was fighting against AIDS since she’d learned she was HIV positive, and I thought about what a tremendous problem that would be for my mom.

I spent the rest of the dream going about my daily business while feeling a horrible weight of anxiety.

This dream ended with me telling Ashley, “My insurance only covers STD testing once a year, and I think testing is around $900 without insurance. But should I do it? I mean, for my peace of mind. I think it might be worth it.”

Then I woke up and thought “Oh, thank God, Jennifer, you did not actually sleep with a stranger.” I lay there and felt tremendous relief. And then I paused for another second and thought “Wow, I wish I had not insisted on a condom, in retrospect.”

Then I went back to sleep and dreamt I lived on a 19th century plantation where we made cornbread. There was a cornbread song that repeated the lyrics “Everyone makes cornbread different.” It was very soothing.

My dreams are incredibly literal, is what I’m saying.

Oh, there’s some mask that lets you control your dreams.

That is what this post is about. Good talk.

Share This Post:
    • Amanda Chatel

      My sex dreams always involve someone I hate or find absolutely repulsive physically. They also usually result in me waking up and realizing I’m having an orgasm…

      Basically, ugly sex is the best sex in my dream world. If this mask will let me do sexy times to someone like, say, Pee Wee Herman, I think things could get explosive. I like explosions quite a bit.

      • Jennifer Wright

        Everybody makes cornbread different!

    • Carla

      I’m pretty sure my most recent dream involved me thinking I had lost my vibrator somewhere on my bed, only to realize it was actually the alarm on my phone going off when I woke up.

    • Megan

      So basically I can incept myself? Excellent.

    • Fabel

      I usually always know when I’m dreaming (and by “always,” I mean “sometimes”), so that mask is useless. My dream last night involved sex, but I was rushing because two of my friends were waiting downstairs for me. They were pretty annoyed.

    • Lauren

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s real life anxiety effects their dreams.

    • eelizg23

      My dream last night was that I miraculously got hired to work on a morning show at some radio station. It was pretty sweet because I only had to work for about 4 hours a day, and I had 5 other people who worked with me. I was the token white girl because everyone else was black, and I was working at a hip-hop and r&b station (which is what I always listen to in the mornings). And I totally made this “friend” from college really jealous bc she works in radio and my job was way better than hers. Then it went weird because I realized that I’m starting law school in 3 months, so I was going to have to decide between law school or keeping my sweet job.

    • Sabrina

      I had a dream the other night that I was back in school, but school was my Oma’s house. All my friends were there and we were reading Lord of the Flies. I started to get scared though, because the book started coming true! The last thing I remember about the dream was running through the woods terrified because everybody else was chasing after me trying to rip my limbs off. Rip. my. limbs. off. I was glad when I woke up.

    • Elizabeth

      I’ve been reading American Psycho, and I have to stop reading it before bed because I keep having freaky graphic murder dreams every night for like the last two weeks. It’s to the point where when I wake up after one I’m like, “Oh, good. Well that’s the freaky murder dream out of the way, maybe I can get some sleep now.”

    • Magda

      the most I can recall at this moment from my dream last night is that it involved shopping at Costco for pre-cut fruit…. Actually… I have dreams about shopping at Costco quite frequently… I wonder what that could mean.

      Also, sometimes I can control my dreams. I think its called active dreaming. My high school psych teacher (He had his PhD, so I give him some credibility) said that that’s a thing that people do and there are some people who create these whole alternate lives in their sleep. ‘Magine that.

      • Magda

        Also, slightly related but kind of different… Sleep/dream orgasms are AMAZING! Its like all the fun of masturbation with out any of the work. Its happened to me a few times… and apparently this is also a thing that happens (to women). I think some lady(according to what came up when I googled sleep orgasms) did her whole dissertation on it.

    • Robyn

      I had two dreams last night – first was a sex one. My husband and I were at a bar that was also a churchy-looking place, and a 12-year-oldish boy got up on stage and started giving this super-erotic speech about sex. Husband and I got so turned on we had to have sex right there and then. FYI I don’t have a thing for 12 year olds.
      After that I dreamt my teeth came out. Textbook. I think my subconscious is trying to tell me I need to make a dentist appointment.