Dating Hijinks: Tattoo Guy Thought It Appropriate To Watch Me Pee; So, I Threw A Fit Like A Normal Person.

On Wednesdays, Amanda Chatel will be sharing stories about her strange, fascinating and sometimes wonderful dating life. If it makes you want to date, check out TheGloss dating page

I pee with the door open 98% of the time. Why? Because I live alone and when I do sit down to pee I can see the TV perfectly, so I don’t have to pause or miss anything. My bathroom door doesn’t quite shut the way it used to (I think we already covered that someone kicked it in not once but twice), therefore it doesn’t lock and I’ve rigged it to close, barely, with headbands. However, the point is, it does shut to a degree and that door closes when someone is over so I can use the facilities in peace — oh, and because that’s how society rolls. You do your “thing” behind closed doors.

While I have had to cop a squat in front of boyfriends or lovers (I only use that word because Jennifer hates it) in the past because the line at a party was too long, or sometimes your bladder just can’t make it to the next bar, it was usually behind two cars somewhere in Brooklyn, on a dark street and always involved me yelling: “Don’t you dare come over here right now!” I can “drop trou,” as they say, in front of my female friends if need be, but that’s because I’m not having sex with them. I realize this situation is nothing new and is definitely some Sex and the City type shit, but it’s still happening, apparently, and it must be stopped.

To get to my story, Tattoo Guy, who sleeps here a few times a week as I will not be going to his apartment because, well, he’s Tattoo Guy, opened the door on me while I was mid-stream last week. He didn’t just open the door, but stood there in the doorway and didn’t say a word. Of course, stage-fright set it and I immediately stopped. “Do you want to close that door?” I asked. “No,” was his answer. His reasons was we’d had sex more than a few times, he’d seen me naked in various positions, so in his opinion I was the strange one for closing the door. I reached for the door and shut it, for him only to open it on me again. So there I am, in pain because I’ve stopped mid-stream and he’s insisting that I need to get over it. Well, I’m not going to get over it. We had just had sex, we were probably going to do it again shortly, and I didn’t want to be gawked at while trying to do one of the most basic human things: emptying my bladder!

He finally closed the door as it was quite certain that I would not be moving from that position; a position that involved me hunched over and trying to cover myself, the self that he had just been seen naked less than 10 minutes before. When he went to the bathroom later on, he went with the door open, and I, apparently the “prude” went into a tizzy that involved screeches of what’s appropriate and inappropriate in someone else’s home, especially one who clearly finds this behavior, well, inappropriate!

Of course my brain immediately went into a mode that wondered if next on the menu was making urine part of our sexual experiences together, because then I’d really check out of whatever this is. But Tattoo Guy assured me that wasn’t his cup of tea — hallelujah.

Let’s discuss: am I being crazy? Is it ever OK to pee (or otherwise) in front of someone whom you’re dating/sleeping with/or anything even slightly romantic? Although my parents close the door when I’m visiting them, I can’t imagine that they’re peeing left and right in front of each other when I’m not there to monitor such whack-a-do behavior, and they’ve been married for 37 years, or there abouts. Can I get some feedback on this one,  please?

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    • Jon

      like many things in this world, girls find a way to make even peeing look adorable. you can’t help but stare.

      • jen

        This is so sweet.

      • matt

        me and my ex g/f found it romantic & a part of great sex

    • Marissa

      I”m with you on this one, Chatel. I refuse to pee in front of my spouse. He constantly is trying to open the (unlockable) door on me just to irritate me. The one time I finally gave in and just let it happen, he actually said, “THAT’s how you sit on the toilet???” I don’t know why he said this, and I don’t want to know why. It suffices to say, it will NEVER happen again!

      • Amanda Chatel

        “THAT’s how you sit on the toilet???”
        That made me laugh so hard, that I actually have tears in my eyes right now… I had no idea that there were SO many different ways to sit on a toilet that it could even spark such a reaction!

    • Teeny

      ewwww no Jon. Peeing is not cute. It is something that is personal, and should not be viewed. I am married, and one of the hallmarks of that relationship is that we do not pee with the door open. Sure when you are alone, peeing with the door open is 100% acceptable, but when someone else is home, the door stays shut.

      • Jon

        oh, come on, teeny. how is watching you pee any different than watching you put on make-up? bottom line, it’s not something we see everyday so our curiosity levels spike like crazy when we girls doing stuff like this.

    • Rose D.

      My husband and I never shut the bathroom door when we pee. It’s just not that big a deal. After 13 years together, you’ve seen and heard just about everything. However! While I stay away when he is doing other things, he has a habit of opening the door and talking to me. I have started locking the door while I poo, because that line should NEVER be crossed.

    • Natalie

      I would pee in front of my ex since we lived together… never with the door fully open, but cracked so we could continue our conversation without interruption.

      The last guy I slept with not only closed the door when using my bathroom, but he locked it and legitimately turned on the shower while doing his business. (To be fair, we were about to take a shower, but still.) It was kind of adorable.

    • T-Lex

      Its kind of a cute personal thing, like farting in front of each other. I can see why people would be grossed out about pooing and things of that nature but peeing is pretty normal. Also I wonder if its a girl thing to be embarrassed about it, as guys have to do it all the time (urinals).

    • Suriah

      Eh, even if I’m really comfortable with someone, I don’t want to pee in front of them… it’s not about not wanting to gross them about, it’s about my need for some genuine privacy. There are some things that I feel entitled to keep to myself… Just because we’ve slept together/live together/etc. doesn’t give you an all access pass!

    • Sam

      I have no qualms with peeing in front of people I’m dating or, occasionally, even just sleeping with. It doesn’t bother me for some reason, haha. I think my group of friends (who were of varying genders) were weird-close in high school and that’s why I got over the stigma of peeing around other people really easily.

      On that note, though, it’s not something I would do if (A)the other person was uncomfortable with it or (B)the door was already closed and I’d have to open it…which is just strange because then it feels purposefully exhibitionist.

    • Lo

      Not something I’d do, but hey, if other people do it, that’s cool. However, if you are not okay with it, and the other party tries to interfere with your toilet privacy, you are entitled to use violence. It’ll hold up in court, I swear. I can give you a crowbar in case it happens again.

    • Elizabeth

      I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.

      That said, why do guys want to watch so badly? It’s like a trick to see if you can get the door locked before they know what you’re doing. And if you tell them to get out, they want to stand and argue about it to see who can wait it out the longest. Do they all do that? Are they just doing it to annoy?

      • Lo

        Do even some guys do that? If so, then *that* would be that big a deal. Would you like a crowbar? Maybe some fire ants?

      • Ella Jane

        you would be SHOCKED at how many guys are into watersports.

      • matt

        I’m proud to say I’m one of them.

      • Lo

        Hah, no, I’ve been on the internet for… oh, at least five minutes. I’m shocked at anybody who who tries to watch you pee without your consent. If everyone’s fine with it, no problem, but privacy invasion –> kneecapping.

    • Sabrina

      My boyfriend and I never close the doors when we pee. Never. I think this started because when we were first dating, we were always pretty wasted together. Always. and when you’re wasted, you pee together and laugh (usually on the street). I vaguely recall a night where I was sitting down peeing, he was standing over me, peeing in between my spread open legs, and my roommate/bff was peeing into the bathtub. All at the same time. And we were all laughing hysterically.

      Since we’ve now lived together for the past two years, things have not changed at all. Except we just do the same shenanigans sober. The other night he peed in the bathtub while I was peeing in the toilet because we both had to pee at the same time and had run home from the park together to pee. So no biggie.

      However, we would never ever ever ever leave the door open or have anything to do with each other while we are pooping. Never. We have both agreed this is a boundary we will never cross. No matter how wasted we might be.

      • Sam

        OMG THAT FIRST PARAGRAPH. I’VE DONE THAT WITH BOYFRIENDS. We call it the double-pee! (…Creative, right?)

      • Sabrina

        YES!!!!!! My bf calls it “playing swords and shields.”

      • matt

        that deserves a like button.

      • Amanda Chatel

        OMG. That was Swede and I on a few occasions… perhaps, we ran into each other on a street one night!?!?

      • matt

        that’s hot

    • Jo

      My husband and I pee, poo, and fart in front of each other, and discuss it all just as freely. I guess I still get poo-fright sometimes, so I might turn on the faucet, but we’ll still continue talking or something with the door open. It’s pretty awesome.

    • Cassie

      My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and have 2 kids together… We have always peed with the door open! Plus, I think after he held up my legs to watch me squeeze babies/placentas/other various bodily goo out, he can see me sit on the toilet while I pee.

    • Laura

      totally inappropriate that he didn’t leave when you indicated you felt uncomfortable! peeing in front of one’s lover, i’d do it, but whatever rocks your boat

    • Amy

      I have never peed in front of my boyfriend, and I don’t want to. I don’t care that we have sex and he’s been all up in my body parts, there are certain things I’d prefer privacy for (peeing/pooping, shaving my lady biz, cutting my toenails, etc.).

      I don’t want to be visually subjected to anyone else doing those things, so I’ll keep the door closed when I do ‘em.

    • Maggie

      This comment thread made me laugh so hard.

      Bottom line, it’s whatever you’re comfortable with; if you don’t want Tattoo Guy watching you pee, he shouldn’t be watching you pee. If he’s comfortable peeing in front of other people, great! Maybe it’s something you could work up to, like start out by talking to him through the door, and gradually move on to door unlocked, then slightly ajar, etc. But if you aren’t cool with it, don’t let it happen. Tattoo Guy obviously respects you as a person and therefore should respect your wish not to be creeped on while peeing.

    • MR

      When you reach a certain point of intimacy with a person, like I’m shaving and she’s shaving her legs. I’ll take a piss if I have to, right in front of her, cause that’s where the toilet is relative to her tube. She’s doesn’t mind.

    • NER

      I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom and my boyfriend was in my bedroom so I walked in there to say something to him and he made a comment about how he didn’t think we were at that point to be so comfortable with each other. He was kind of joking, but still it’s weird that we can have sex regularly for several months and he’s not comfortable with us doing non-sex personal stuff in the same room. Whatever, humans are weird.

      • MR

        I see it the way you see it. I know my girlfriend feels the same way. During one of her periods, I walked into the bathroom to piss and found a toilet with some of her cycle in it. It’s part of life. I didn’t freak out or say why didn’t you flush the toilet.

    • g

      i prefer urinating with the door not just shut, but locked, even when im home alone. then i proceed to turn on the air exhaust and make the water run so i cant hear anything. i also take painkillers to numb out the realization of how disgusting being a mammal is.

    • Lisa

      I’m on exactly the same page as you. I also live alone and pee with the door open all the time. I will pee in front of my girlfriends, but NEVER in front of somebody I’m romantically involved with. They don’t need to see me that way. I’ve been in several long-term relationships and lived with men, but even after 2+ years of living together and being in love, I can safely say my mind never changed and never will.