Would You Marry Yourself? Yes, I’m Seriously Asking This Question.

A woman in North Dakota decided to take the plunge — with herself. After having been married and divorced, she felt it was time to tie the knot again, but this time with someone whom she could really count on and trust. If this doesn’t give new meaning to the term “self-love” then nothing does.

According Ms. and Ms. Nadine Schweigert, the ceremony in front of friends and family, in which she wed herself, made she (and herself) feel “very empowered, very happy, and very joyous.” Well, that makes sense — weddings are usually labeled “joyous” events that involve gifts, love and most importantly cake. Where there is cake, there is joy.

Although for Schweigert her “marriage” was about her evolution as a person since her divorce and how far she has come both mentally and emotionally since then, other women are marrying themselves because the potential to find that “perfect” mate looks grim. In 2010, Natalie Kim married herself at the famous Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, stating that: “It’s too hard to find a man, a good man. Most of them are immature losers.” She and I obviously have the same taste in men, if those are the only ones she’s running into, too.

Kim continued to point out that no man would be able to love her as much as she loves herself (sure, I can get behind that), and sex with herself is far better than it’s ever been with any man, because they can’t “satisfy” her. Of course, this is just a simple fact. If you can’t communicate to your partner exactly how to do it and at what speed and pressure and all that good stuff, then yes, your sex life will blow (yes, pun intended.) As for kids? Kim has that covered, too: “I bought enough sperm last week, to have a hundred babies. But, I’ll probably just have two.” Come again? Where is this sperm store where you can buy in bulk? I’d like to get some and stick it in my freezer for “just in case” reasons.

While it’s true that some women throw themselves parties for being single or child-free (and register at upscale stores for gifts, too), as we learned from Sex and the City, is going so far as to marry yourself pushing it? Is it just some fucked up reason to get gifts and attention? Is it the act of a desperate, lonely women who have clearly given up on life? Of is it just a big “fuck you” to an institution that, for some, is becoming something of the past? If we look at it logically, you technically don’t need to get married anymore (did we ever?), and with this elusive sperm store of which Kim speaks, having children no longer demands a man. Finally, you can pick that shit up in your local grocier’s freezer aisle!

OK. Let’s talk about it. Would you marry yourself as some sort of move of self-empowerment? Would you do it because you’ve given up on love, marriage, people and all of humanity as we know it? Who would design your dress, if you did? It’s not as though you have to get married to get dressed up, throw a party and get gifts — that’s why we celebrate our birthdays once a year until we die. Thoughts?

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    • GeekGirl

      I think if you’re convinced you’ll never find the right person, marrying yourself is a solid guarantee that you’re going to scare off any of the few potential future suitors that you may have had.

    • Lizzie

      No, I’m too passive-aggressive. I wouldn’t be able to have a straightforward conversation with myself if something was amiss in our marriage.

    • Eileen

      I thought this was metaphorical – like, do you think, if there were another one of you, that that person would be a good spouse, and I was going to say maybe.

      Then I read the article and realized the answer is fuck, no.

      Also, question: If you are married to yourself, do you face a marriage tax penalty?

      • Amanda Chatel

        Good question about the tax penalty! Should I decide to wed myself, I’ll let you know.

    • Sugar

      No way. I don’t make enough money. Someone needs to work around here!

    • jack

      I’m in.

    • STEVEN KAGE

      I’m trying to find myself. If I get back before I arrive, tell me to wait until I get here.

    • Maggie

      What happens if she does meet someone though? Would she have to divorce herself? Personally I agree with GeekGirl; having a mindset that you’re never going to find someone pretty much guarantees that you won’t.

    • Sabrina

      I have already informed my friends that if I feel it is right, I might marry myself some day. My inspiration came after I had just spent a shit ton of money on a friends’ wedding and as they were unwrapping their bajillion gifts, they said “if you’re unsure about getting married, you should just for the gifts alone.” and I said “what if I don’t ever get married, will you still get me a gift for my house?” and they said “hahaha no way! I’m sorry, but I’m not getting you a gift unless you get married.” I decided right there and then that I will throw myself the most lavish wedding if need be, and people will be getting me some fucking gifts! There was a Sex and the City ep about this, and I totally agree with Carrie. So what? If you don’t get married, you get zilch your whole adult life? That is ridiculous.

    • Harry

      This is the safest way to eliminate the divorce dilemma in your life.

    • sagiwoman

      i guess i read the title thinking it meant, if I we’er a guy would i marry Me as a person. yes, but marry myself, No. sorry but thats crazy..