Oh my God cooking is awful. It is awful. And, oh, I was so smug. The worst part of this story is that, as I was preparing this nightmare Tribble concoction that has taken over my oven, I kept thinking of the member of our man panel who broke up with his girlfriend because she couldn’t make a proper pie. I actually thought to myself, “you know, his ex-girlfriend was kind of dumb.” And she was. That is a true thing. But not because of that, okay? Not because of that.
Let’s go back to the beginning. I had a Memorial Party to go to. We decided I would not make pie. You did not come up with effective enough suggestions, so I was pretty much on my own on this one.
I hate you.
That aside, my refrigerator and cabinets – amazingly – are now stocked with most of the things you need to make brownies (eggs, flour, sugar, salt, inexplicable leftover cocoa). And the yams mean that I still have a massive bag of marshmallows. So I figured – marshmallow brownies, a childhood favorite! I did not experience them as a child. But I do see brownies with marshmallow tops in the bodega sometimes, and they look like they’d be really delicious, but they are right on top of granola bars, so I usually feel guilty and buy a granola bar. Not this time! Not this time, though.
In any case, I began looking up recipes. There are a great deal of them! Here is one.
This seems straightforward, right?
You know what I liked about this recipe? The way it said “cookie sheet.”
Read that part a thousand times. Read the part where it says cookie sheet. It’s there? We’re all seeing that with our eyeballs and our brains?
I don’t think they actually meant a cookie sheet, because everything is about to get awful.