Believe me, there are maybe 2,985,708,707,676 recipes entitled “marshmallow brownies” but 99.5% of them require a 9 inch pan. Do you have a 9 inch pan? Do you have a pan? Any pan?
Some people don’t have pans, because some people don’t sit around watching Julia Child and The Martha Stewart Living Channel and The Channel That Caters To People Who Buy Pans For Fun (TCTCTPWBPFF). Some people really have to watch HBO because Game of Thrones is on and Kings Landing is under seige, okay?
Who do you pretend you are when watching Game of Thrones? I pretend I’m Joffrey!
That said, here is something that is a nice combination of all those things that I think we can all feel good about:
The way it combined them was by featuring cooking (TCTCTPWBPFF) as well as unexpected violence and prominent breasts (Game of Thrones).
So what I’m saying is: I don’t have a pan.
But I had a cookie sheet! And I realize I spend money on dresses and I could buy a fucking pan, but it was late, and I cannot overstate how much I hate grocery stores and how happy I was that I didn’t have to go to one.
Fine, it was not actually late. Well, it was 6:00. That could be late for narcoleptics. Not for me! I just really, really hate grocery stores.
DON’T USE A COOKIE SHEET TO MAKE BROWNIES.
Alas, no one gave me such a public service announcement. To be fair, they also did not give me a public service announcement warning against shoving pretzels up my nose, perhaps because they assumed I didn’t need one. I neededthe cookie sheet thing.
So, I poured the batter out over a cookie sheet – I really spread the batter very beautifully, with a spoon, so it rippled delicately across that cookie sheet. It was like God fashioning the moor. And then I put it in the oven.
I will say that after 10 minutes I noticed it did not smell great, but I was watching Mad Men.
After 20 minutes, I noticed steam coming out of my oven and I thought “oh, maybe the oven is broken.”
It turns out you shouldn’t bake brownies on a fucking cookie sheet. They spill wildly over the sides and it looks as though some sort of monster has come and defecated in your oven. Like this:
It’s like the brownies shit all over the oven.
Fortunately, there will still a lot on the pan, although they didn’t really cook. So I scooped up a chunk of half cooked, steaming brownie batter and mixed it in a cup with marshmallows. I’m not quitter! Great cooks improvise! It looked like this:
It looks appetizing, right? No. No, it was mostly blackened and half baked and filled with month old marshmallows, and it immediately made me sick.
I brought lambrusco to the party. Seemed fine.
Oh! Anyone know how this “autoclean” setting works? Anything unforeseen I should prepare for? How awful is it going to be? I mostly scraped the brownie overflow out with a knife.