People really hate cupcakes these days, for many reasons: they’re infantilizing, the frosting to cake ratio is off, they tend to be dry,Â Sex & the City ruins everything by reducing women to selfish, venal harpies, etc. Here’s another reason: there could be semen in them.
A 16-year-old student was suspended after allegedly giving one poor classmate a cupcake laced with his own seed, Minneapolis City Pages reports:
The “creamy” cupcake recipient began getting teased by his classmates May 10, the day after he ingested the treat his fellow student gave him. According to St. Paul police spokesman Paul Paulos, the victim’s classmates started asking him, “How he could do that, if it tasted funny, things like that, and he heard someone mention that semen was used in the cupcakes.” The alleged culprit reportedly targeted only one of his classmates for the semen-filled surprise.
Following his suspension, the baker of the cupcakeÂ took to Twitter to rage about his punishment (never a good idea) and even threatened to burn down the principal’s house.
Unfortunately, the cupcake was ingested, so authorities couldn’t confirm that it indeed contained semen. Cold comfort for the cupcake-eating victim: at least sperm dies pretty quickly outside the body.