EIC Jennifer Wright is locked into this season of Game of Thrones. Deputy editor Ashley Cardiff hasn’t watched any of season two because… because she worries. Still, there’s a lot of hot, complicated men on the show and we thought we’d do a Fuck Marry Kill on the subject. Also, we’re aware that Jezebel did this already (albiet in a different format) but we’re firmly convinced they plagiarized us! Damn their time machines!
Jennifer: Wait! WAIT! I WOULD LIKE TO OBJECT. Why is Tywin Lannister not on this list? Is it because I love him too much? Is it because he is to TOO heroic?
Ashley: It’s because you have a problem. And you’re obsessed with power more than… any Game of Thrones character, I guess. And we can’t do all Lannisters. I made the concession for Jamie even though he pushed a child out a window.
Jennifer: But Tywin hates illiteracy!
Ashley: Also, you totally bullied me into this even though you know full well I haven’t seen a single episode of Season 2. Because it stresses me out.
Jennifer: And Tywin, also, is ruthlessly dedicated to his work. Since you have not seen season 2, I’ll say there’s a great scene with Tywin where he’s working on battle plans, and one of his generals says “perhaps we’d benefit from a rest” because they’ve gone without sleep for three days and Tywin is all “perhaps you would, go take one at your castle and never show your face here again.” Also, he’s really nice to Arya.
Ashley: Arya is his servant? Also, that sleep thing is fucked up. It’s strategizing, not hell week in SEAL training.
Jennifer: Wait! Look at how badass he is! Actually, this is just nice. This is just a nice exchange:
Arya Stark: Visenya Targaryen was a great warrior. She had a Valyrian steel sword she called “Dark Sister.”
Tywin Lannister: Hm. She’s a heroine of yours, I take it. Aren’t most girls more interested in the pretty maidens from the songs? Jonquil, with flowers in her hair?
Arya Stark: Most girls are idiots.
Tywin Lannister: [laughs] You remind me of my daughter. Where did you learn all this stuff about Visenya and her Valyrian steel sword?
Arya Stark: From my father.
Tywin Lannister: [gives Arya a searching look] He was a well-read stonemason? Can’t say I’ve ever met a literate stonemason.
Arya Stark: Have you met many stonemasons, my lord?
Tywin Lannister: [with a small smile] Careful now, girl. I enjoy you, but be careful.
Ashley: This tells me nothing.
Jennifer: It tells you that he’s not only the most powerful man in Westeros, he’s also nice to his servants. The true test of character being how well you treat those you don’t HAVE to be nice to, etc.
Ashley: It’s true. It’s why you should never date someone who’s an asshole to waiters. Let’s step away from Tywin though, because he’s not in this fucking competition.