What Your Breakfast Says About Last Night’s Sex

We see you late to work, dripping cheese from your greasy egg sandwich on your latest brief. We’re spying on you over brunch, devouring a stack of pancakes like you haven’t eaten in days. We salute you, lady poking at a solitary half of grapefruit. We see you and we judge you. We can’t help it! What you’re eating in the morning says an awful lot about what kind of sex you had the night before. And maybe it’s not accurate, but it sure as hell is part of a complete breakfast. Let’s not forget that it’s the most important meal of the day.

So think back to this morning. What did you eat for breakfast? It may have some implications about the sex you had last night…

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    • K. Burgess

      “Butt Sex.” had me literally lol’ing in my office. I really can’t think of anything better to read while I pretend to be working while my boss walks by.

    • Wut

      This is some of the dumbest shiz I have ever seen

      • r

        How #*(@ stupid. Who ever put this shit out is very lonely.



    • Hobbitgirl

      This was hysterical! I laughed several times. Too dang funny.

    • waagtod

      Just when you think Huff and Puff post can’t get any lazier or stupider they go and pull this out of whatever dark dank smelly recess or hole it was hiding in. Huzzah and congratulations on a new and even lower low!!! And you guys have the ballz to remove other peoples writing for offensive content?

      • Linda

        I agree with waagtod. I was looking for a place where I could flag or report this as offensive. Geesh…..who do you think your audience is……doped up, coked out prostitutes and Johns?? How disgusting!!

      • Jennifer Wright

        Actually, at TheGloss, that is our target market. You are very astute for noticing.

      • SuperPsychicSpyChick

        Bravo, waagtod!

      • SuperPsychicSpyChick

        Huff & Puff are stone-cold hypocrites to allow this bit of “news” to get published (while containing the F word, the S word and referencing drug use), while “asserting standards” in public comment moderation? Who do I have to punch to get some sense around here?? Seriously!!

    • vin

      OMG can’t wait to share this with my wife later To funny

    • Mama

      What about Cold Pizza and coffee? I know- Married over 20 years sex!

      • Ellen

        or college dorm room sex :)

    • S

      I want eggs benedict

    • Guess:)

      FRUIT LOOPS: Baby daddy sex…?

      I dont know if thats an insult to single mothers, or what.. you should be ashamed!

    • paige

      that was feeeeekin hilarious! lmao….goodness– egg mcmuffins and eggs benadict …hmm spelling??how the hhhhhhhell u spell that word??…

    • paige

      aw come on people!! do you take EVERYTHING that seriously? smile!

      • SuperPsychicSpyChick

        It would be tolerable if it were funny, I WAS expecting for it to be funny or even a little bit cool, but this is just crap. I was just moving through the slides hoping there’d be something worth even a chuckle. And you’re talking about “spelling” when you spell freaking “feeeeeekin”? Guess you’re one of them lol

    • SuperPsychicSpyChick

      How lame is this?? This is the dumbest (and most inaccurate) crap I’ve ever seen. Cosmo has better material in their wastebasket!

      How did this hack “writer” come to these conclusions, you have to wonder? She must’ve “road-tested” them all, if you know what I mean.

      Wow, shit-faced, coked-up, lights-off, unwaxed butt action? This doesn’t demonstrate to the public that you’re a writer, Brandy Alexander, it’s just an announcement to us all that you’re a high-mileage ho who happens to be literate. Was that on purpose, Brandy? LOL Now THAT’S funny

      • Jennifer Wright

        And yet she is paid to write here, and you are not.

      • Señor_Heywood_Jablowme

        Neither are you, Jennifer Wright. Your point?
        George W. Bush happened to “win” his presidency, does that make him competent or qualified to be one? Or is he too just a schmuck who happens to know the right people?

      • Jennifer Wright

        I am the EIC of TheGloss.

      • Señor_Heywood_Jablowme

        You are?? There’s no other explanation: “Idiocracy” must already be happening lmao.

      • Señor_Heywood_Jablowme

        OR, you just won’t own up to the fact you allowed inane unfunny crap to be published. How socially irresponsible as an EIC. But then again, given the subject matter of THIS article what hope is there for anything else around here lol

      • SuperPsychicSpyChick

        YOU’RE an eic?? Wow, they’ll give that job to anyone nowadays? How’d this happen?? A pool of Cosmo rejects forming their own group? And not a brain cell shared between you. I knew I was right about the whole Cosmo wastebasket rummaging for ideas thing lol

        Gee, Senor_Heywood, can’t help but wonder now how many “breakfasts” SHE had to “stomach” to get HER job *cue Groucho Marx cigar tap* :.P

    • Sasha

      This is id.iotic

    • stephanie

      It made me chuckle, and i think it WAS just supposed to be funny, if your looking for deep go read the sun.

    • Kristina

      secondary title: “In Which Everyone Gets Really Irrationally Mad About Cursing, Drugs, and How They Are SO MUCH FUNNIER Than Anyone Writing Here.”

      i thought it was hilarious. and i agree with what jennifer wrote above: this author makes money writing funny shit and you commenters do not. suck up your sad and move along, kthxbai.

      also i’m the gloss’ ultimate reader: a doped up, coked out prostitute AND john. totally recommend the dope and coke combo by the way. and being a prostitute and your own john is pretty choice.

    • anna

      Sounds like the person who wrote this article hasn’t had any in a long time

    • TylerRose Author

      Lots of people are paid to write meaningless crap. Look at the author of fifty shades of drek.