What’s The Most Offensive Thing About Rihanna’s New Video?

Man, Rihanna really upped the tone-deaf and tasteless ante with the new music video for her inexplicable Coldplay duet, “Princess of China.” We’re pretty impressed with just how much “Eastern stuff!” they managed to jam under one parasol. First off, Rihanna describes her look in the video as “gangsta goth geisha,” which would be, uh, better if the song were called “Princess of Japan.” It’s not. :(

Here’s our initial list of the most offensive things, but we’re sure if you watch closely you can find more:

1. Chris Martin
2. Multiple arms, Hindu imagery.
3. Ninjas are Japanese.
4. So are those taiko drums.
5. Thigh-high pleather boots.
6. Ugh, Chris Martin. Again.
7. The song having no real structure
8. Or appeal.
9. Why is this even called “Princess of China?”
10. Coldplay

We’re sure Rihanna has “no fucks to give” and will probably suck on her middle finger in tantalizing defiance or some shit, but we have many fucks to give! We set them aside for days like this. We burrow fucks like fucks-having squirrels.

Watch the video:

Share This Post:
    • Alexis H

      1. Why has Coldplay ever been relevant? I don’t get their appeal at all (and I’m not ashamed to say I love pop music). Rihanna has grown on me over time, but GIRL.

      2. I just realized that Chris Martin looks like the bastard son of Hugh Laurie and Chuck Norris and now I can’t unsee it.

      3. The level of mass scale appropriation of that mismash of cultures in an insanely inauthentic and stereotypical way makes me sick. The Chinese/Japanese/Indians are people, not fetish items. How did their PR teams ok this?

      Final summation: that was the visual equivalent of eating General Tso’s Ching Chong Chicken Nuggets from McDonalds. Gross in more ways than one.

      • Ashley Cardiff

        I think you meant, “General Tso’s *Curry* Ching Chong Chicken Nuggets from McDonalds.”

        Yes to all points, though the Martin/Laurie/Norris thing especially.

      • Alexis H

        Oh right, how could I forget the crucial curry dipping sauce? It’s what makes this dish taste like an exotic adventure.

    • Amber

      I find coldplay extremely boring….but hey…