Is Self Marriage Just Overwhelmingly Annoying Or What?

self marriage

I’m going to spoil it for you: yes. Yes it is.

If you haven’t heard of this yet, it’s a microtrend where, instead of marrying another, separate, human person, women dress up in formal wear and ” promise to be true and honest to themselves in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others etc.” Right. As though you could, in fact, forsake yourself. I mean, I suppose you can commit suicide, but otherwise you really can’t. It’s not really a challenge to be selfish forever. That is not a thing that is challenging.

Okay. I understand if you want to get a bunch of your friends together to celebrate how awesome you are. However, you already have a ceremony to do that. It’s called “a birthday party.” Or “a funeral.” Funerals suck because you can’t attend them unless you fake your own death, but that is why I fake my own death every single year. Then I jump out of the casket! It’s a laugh riot. So, there are two good options that won’t leave you saying “I Do Me.” Unless you really, really want some stuff from Crate and Barrel. Actually, again, just host a birthday party in your own apartment and tell your friends you really need a chip ‘n’ dip.

So, question: How much do you want a chip ‘n’ dip? This is a chip ‘n’ dip.

chip 'n' dip

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    • Natalie

      Or, you know, buy a house or move into a new apartment so someone can throw you a housewarming and you can register for all the shit that grownups are supposed to have. (In my case there was no chip & dip, but there was a blender and a spice rack.)

    • Naomi

      It’s absolutely possible to forsake yourself, even if just metaphorically. My last relationship was about 6 years of proof.

    • Brianna

      Chip & Dips never hold enough chips.

    • Sabrina

      You make all excellent points. Yes, I can see how self marriage is highly annoying. However, I had a friend tell me they wouldn’t ever buy me adult gifts unless I got married (even if I had a housewarming party!), so I’m leaning more towards the side of I guess I’ll marry myself if it doesn’t happen otherwise… Or I’ll just have to make enough money to buy myself all the things I want, I can just do that I guess.

    • Lo

      I recently divorced myself because I found out that I’d been having an affair with me behind my back. The skank.