I mean, right?
I also listen to The Devil Goes Down To Georgia a lot, but it always makes me sad, because can you imagine how humiliating that would be? To be the Devil and lose to some random guy named Johnny? I mean, losing a fiddling contest as Johnny would be fine. It would be fine, because, whatever. It would be like showing up some place with two black eyes and someone chuckling and saying “I guess you lost to the other guy!” and you would stare at them for a second and say “Yes, the other guy was, literally, the Devil.” It would be fine. But the Devil getting into a contest against Johnny. Jesus. As the Marquise de Merteuil would say, “Humiliating if you fail, and commonplace if you succeed.”
Why did the Devil make such bad choices? Hubris, probably. Why can’t he just be happy? Why can’t he just ride his cool bicycle and be happy?
Also, real talk: I think the Devil is better. A lot better. I think the contest is fixed. Listen to the Devil’s cool little solo here, and then listen to Johnny.
Every time I listen to this, I think, “Maybe this is the time the Devil is going to win.”
He didn’t win the last time, while I was baking this pie. But maybe next time.
So, that is what I do while making pies. I listen to country music and root for the Devil.
I also cook things. Here’s a recipe I found for sour cream and apple walnut pie:
3/4 c. sour cream
1 lg. egg
1/3 c. granulated sugar
1 tbsp. all purpose flour
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
3 lbs. tart apples (Pippins, Granny Smiths or Greenings) peeled, quartered,
cored and cut in 1/4 inch thick slices (10 cups)
1/3 c. all purpose flour
1/3 c. packed light brown sugar
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 c. cold butter, cut into small pieces
1/2 c. (2 oz.) walnut pieces, chopped coarse
To make filling: Whisk sour cream and egg in a large bowl until blended, whisk in sugar, flour, vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg; stir in apples. Spread in pie plate, mounding mixture in center.
To make topping: Mix flour, sugar and cinnamon in a medium-sized bowl. Cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Stir in walnuts. Sprinkle evenly over filling, then press down lightly. To bake, place oven rack in center of oven; heat to 400 degrees. Bake pie 50 to 60 minutes until topping is dark brown and apples are tender when pierced. (If topping browns too quickly during baking, drape a piece of foil over pie). Cool on wire rack. Serve warm or at room temperature. Makes 8 servings.
There’s also a lot on how to make the crust, but I’m not going to tell you that. You want to know how to make the crust? Go to the grocery store and buy a pre-made pie crust. A lot of people will be snobby about how you should make your own, but you know what? People who make pre-made pie crusts know what they are doing. Those crusts are delicious. You are not Keri Russell in Waitress. Get the pre-made crust. They work perfectly well for your purposes.
I will say, the 3 lbs of apples? That’s 7 apples. They will take 7 years to peel and chop. Not really. But it will take about an hour and a half, if you use an apple peeler. Apple peelers are great. I tried doing this recipe once with a regular knife, and I almost chopped off my finger and it took longer.
Buy an apple peeler. Worth it. Here.
I mean, honestly. I am saying that and I still don’t have a pan. So! An apple peeler! You have one, now, for peeling 7 apples. Here’s what that will look like:
Everything else is pretty straightforward.
Double the crust topping recipe. I don’t know. I’m loath to contradict recipes, but I had to double it to get enough to cover the pie. When I did double it, it worked really well.
And go for 50 minutes, not an hour. I did an hour and it came out just a tiny bit too well done. Like this:
But still. It is a pie. It was good! I am off to go get impregnated so I can name a child Lulu, now. Don’t worry. If he’s a boy, I will name him FiddlePlayingWinnerDevil. Or Johnny. Whichever.