If You Want To Be Happy And Less Dramatic, You Need To Quit Being A Night Owl Right Now

Aren’t most of us night owls? How are we supposed to watch Lena Dunham gush to Jimmy Fallon about the dream she had about him if we don’t stay up past our bedtimes? You just can’t, that’s how! If you “hit the hay” early, then you have to wait until the morning before you’re looped back into the world, and because of that lull in your pop culture intake, you have to stand by the water cooler at 9am without much to offer in regard to these matters, and then your co-workers think you’re boring and no one wants that because then you won’t get invited to Happy Hour!

As a perpetual night owl, as in I’ve been up until 6am already twice this week, I was surprised to read that morning people, that crazy lot who thinks it’s OK to be up and cheery at 6am while I’m about to go to sleep, are fundamentally happier than the late-night crowd. Apparently we’re prone to scowling and overall cranky behavior, but I object! I don’t even know what it’s like to be pissed off or angry with the world! That’s just nonsense! Yes, I’m shouting for dramatic effect!

I had always heard the saying: “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise,” but nowhere in there does it say anything about happiness. The study failed to include whether or not these “happy” early birds were enjoying the benefits of morning sex and that’s why they’re so damn giddy. In my mind, that’s the only way to wake up early and really be able to take on the day with the same fervor of someone who scoffs at the idea of coffee as a crutch for facing the morning.

I’d love to give this a try and actually go to bed before midnight and get up all wide-eyed and bushy-tailed by 7am, but I just don’t think it will complement my lifestyle very well. As I said, I’m super duper happy at all times, so there’s no sense in fucking with a good thing. But if you’re a former a night owl who is now a morning person, I’d love to know how that’s working out for you. Honestly, it just sounds like some brand of crazy that I can’t get behind.

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    • Starofthemag

      I was a night owl for as long as I can remember but I was in a car accident last September and my sleep has never been the same.

      When I finally went back to work, I found I was waking up so early due to nerves that I had no choice but to start getting to bed earlier. I’m an Education Assistant in French kindergarten and you do not want to attempt functioning in a classroom on less than a full tank of sleep (which in my case means 7 hours).

      My BF is a morning person and thinks the change is great but I hate it because it doesn’t feel natural to me. Also, I can barely stay conscious past 10pm on a Friday which makes me feel like the oldest woman in the world.

      While I’m off this summer, I fully plan on staying up all night a few times for no good reason and I can’t wait.

      I think I’m less stressy during the day, but I find that I super-stress about getting to f*cking bed on time. So there’s that.

    • Sabrina

      I loathe getting up early (I consider anything before 8am early) and I used to be a total night owl. Lately though, I’ve been trying to adjust my sleep schedule and so far it’s been super nice. I notice that I feel the best when I go to bed around 1 or 2 and wake up between 8-9am. I know that to some people, 8-9am is already normal, or considered sleeping in, but I don’t have to start my workday until 11, so I could be sleeping in until 10 every morning, which I used to do. I’ve also noticed that I become way cranky and foggy feeling when I sleep in now.

      • MM

        Dude, I consider anything before noon early. I wake up 8:30 on weekdays for my grown-up job but if I had my way I’d be sleeping four to noon.

    • Jamie Peck

      Now that I am blogging from THE FUTURE, I never get up before noon. Which is good, because nothing in Berlin starts before midnight. It’s awesome.

    • Sarah!

      I worked an 8-5 job for a year and half and I never ever got used to the schedule. I was miserable and I hated it and I was sick at least once a month because I could never fall asleep before midnight and I had to get up at 6:30. I work at 11:30 now and it’s heavenly. I get up about 9:15 and get shit done and I can go to sleep at about 12:30-1 which feels so much more natural.

      So maybe I’m not happier than someone who naturally wakes up early, but I’m definitely happier than me waking up early.

    • Maggie

      I’m one of those annoying, cheerful morning people, and I’m happy about 98% of the time, so maybe that’s why! The only problem with getting up early is that once your body is used to it, you will never sleep in. I get up at 6:00 for work Monday-Friday, and now my body is used to that, so sleeping in for me is anywhere between 7:30 and 8:00. It’s sad. Last weekend I slept in until 9:30 and was STOKED.