Crowdsourcing: How Weird Is Swimsuit Shopping? Also, This Bikini Or One Piece?

Can we talk about this without sounding like a Cathy Cartoon?

I think my discomfort with the swimsuit shopping process has nothing to do with my weight or body issues, it’s just, I think swisuits are weird now. They are? Are they? I’m worried this might just be. After a recent swimsuit buying expedition, I am checking in with you:

Wait, why are the one piece ones slit up past your hipbones? Does this look good on you? Does this look good on anyone?

Are the kids at American Apparel just mean?

Are bikini bottoms not supposed to cover your entire butt? Are they deliberately supposed to leave it partly hanging out?

Are the side parts of your ass somehow acceptable to show off? Is this a thing?

I don’t think this is a thing.

Do sales clerks get really surprised when you ask to see their one pieces?

Does everyone not realize that one pieces are cool, now?

Are one pieces okay?

Try not to think about how men hate them. That is not a thing you think about.

Is this cool? It’s from J Crew, I kind of like it:

Okay wait, what about this one, better? It’s also from J Crew! It’s two pieces! But it still covers my ass without letting the sides just hang out in the breeze!

 

Pamela Anderson via People.com 

Share This Post:
    • L

      love that second one from j crew! i’ve already bought my swim suits for this summer, but ill remember to check that our next year!

      and i completely agree with you in regards to the ass hanging out…i mean i can understand if you have a phenomenal body and that actually looks good on you…but if im buying a bottom in a “large,” i intend for it to cover up my large ass.

    • Samantha

      Love both the swimsuits in the photographs, especially the one on the bottom.

      Since I live near the beach, I like one pieces, dudes be damned, because I once lost my bikini top in the ocean, and it was embarrassing.

    • Maggie

      Love both of them! I have been trying to find a one-piece also and have had no luck, whenever i ask the sales people if they have a one-piece they bring me this kinda bathing suit that snooki would wear, you know, like a one-piece, technically, but the sides are cut out and its ruched and awkward and covered in ed-hardy style prints? how is that a style and a normal one piece not available anywhere

    • Jessica

      It seems that the ugliest suits are being pushed this year. After a few hours of swimsuit shopping my head is all a blur with neon-metallic-animal print-polka dots with crochet overlays in a variety unflattering cuts. What’s worse, perhaps, is listening to the inevitable pre-teen girl in the dressing room begging her mom for the stringiest of bikinis. “No, Mom. The bottoms are supposed to do that! Why do you want me to look like a church lady? Everyone‘s gonna make fun of me! Have you seen Kayla‘s suit? It‘s just like this!”

    • Fabel

      One peices are cool now, but apparently the “brazilian” aka “most of my ass is showing” style is also in? That’s all I’m seeing lately (so I guess that means it’s technically acceptable!)

      With that said, I love the second one a lot, even though the first one is pretty too. Also, the kids at American Apparel ARE really mean.

    • Jamie Peck

      You think you hate shopping for swimsuits, try finding one with underwire. (They only seem to exist in catalogs and in very trashy colors and patterns at Victoria’s Secret.) Although, I will say that I don’t mind when some of my ass shows, provided I don’t get a wedgie. It would take way too much fabric to cover my bum, anyway. Don’t hide your light under a bushel!

    • Erin

      I hate that bottoms of swimsuits don’t fully cover the derriere. I have a little bit extra back there (don’t get me wrong, I love my curves) and it needs a little extra support. I went shopping just the other day and bought a medium top and xl bottoms (because they were the only choice that wasn’t a small). And when I tried them on at home the bottoms had half of each cheek hanging out!! It’s the way the suit is cut, they want side cheek hanging out. Is side cheek the new side boob?

    • MM

      I always hated buying swimsuits for that very reason. Also: I feel like I can’t swim in a skimpy bikini without risking losing it. I shelled out for a retro one-piece last year from one of those 50s pinup girl kind of stores. It covers my rear, stays on while swimming, and I still get attention from creepy dudes at the beach so it can’t be THAT unsexy.

    • Hooty

      Worst thing about swimsuit shopping: shops go down to a size 6 or 4 (UK) in clothing, but only a 32, maybe a 30 in bra band size for bikinis. I’m a UK 8/10 and need a 28 band. This is pretty average for that size. I also need boob containment and support, so no way am I going to find that in swimwear that’s cut the lazy dress-size way.

      I think there’s a little more quality coming into swimsuits now that proper bra sizing is a thing, but the process is slower than a Baywatch run.

    • julimonster

      @ MM, what store?
      I too, have been the victim of a greedy wave, ergo, I’m especially biased towards halter-one-pieces….

    • Will

      If you dont want to show people your butt, you could always just wear a pair of “men’s” swimming trunks instead. Unless of course youre some kind of sexist who thinks certain types of clothing are restricted to only one gender.