Do You Need A 73 Point Dating Checklist? MissAdvised‘s Julia Allison Explains Hers.


HELL YEAH, I do!! I wrote it about three years ago, in a blue notebook, when I hit 28 1/2 – which was the moment I decided I was done, um … fucking around. As it were. I remember the exact night things shifted, too. I was sleeping with my college boyfriend for the first time in years, and I thought, “Goddamn, I’m starting to LITERALLY repeat myself.” Prior to that moment, I had one criterion for dating: “Be Fascinating.” Nothing else mattered. Rich, poor, college-educated or not, lawyer, entrepreneur, unemployed, fat, thin, tall, short, chivalrous, a dick. I’ve dated them all. If they bored me, I was out. If they enthralled me, I’d stay until I was bored. But fascination alone does not a good marriage make.

So I sat down and did what I do when I want to make a huge change: made a List. I wrote down everything I thought I wanted (key term: “thought I wanted”) in a husband.

What’s the most ridiculous requirement? Maybe we know someone.

It ranges from the hardly controversial:
#2: Kind/thoughtful/sweet
#13: Strong & consistent emotionally
#16: Adventurous
#29: Makes me feel secure and loved
#34: Would make a great dad – and wants to have kids
#39: Does good for others
#44: Loves learning
#59: Talented lover
#63: Loves animals – especially [my dog] Lilly

To the slightly more … eccentric (hey! I was just dream-listing!)

#5: well-read / reads The Atlantic, Fast Company & WIRED
#28: Wants to live in a warm climate (preferably Palo Alto)
#33: Enjoys playing tennis, horseback riding, skiing, biking
#48: Can play piano or guitar or sing
#64: 75% homebody, 25% enjoys swanky events

I mean. Even I can see how some of these latter items are not, uh, by any stretch mandatory. That said, it was never meant to be a “mandatory” checklist. Just a general idea of the characteristics I think would be lovely to have in a partner. BTW, I think #64 is the most hysterical. Like, let me at your iCal and we’ll make a pie chart! But that was the only way of describing what I thought I was looking for … hahah …

I will say (slight spoiler) toward the end of the show I do “update” the list, removing a few items and adding some new ones.

Let’s put it this way … the addendum contains items like this:

#75: Be open, creative and encourage me to be the same
#78: Encourage my authentic self and personal growth
#80: Dedicate our relationship to learning, growing, evolving
#82: Create an unconventional life with me
#88: Loves me for my mess

;-) #88 is what it’s all about.


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    • Lastango

      You don’t like Jane Austin?

      “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some on or other of their daughters.”

      Has there ever been a clearer statement summing up the assumptions and presumptions of this group of blogs, and of the women who write here?

      And you seem to like Julia Allison even though she said “But fascination alone does not a good marriage make” — an Austinesque turn of phrase indeed.

      BTW, you may be misreading Twain’s calculated blarney about Austin, and are in fact making common cause with one of her admirers and her most skillful promoter.

    • Beth


    • Cosmo

      Ah, Ms Baugher. What is this “message” you speak of? And where, pray tell, is your original nose?

    • Kevin

      Her social media column was a comeback? The one that she was dropped from 6 months into a year long contract? I would have thought she would have wanted people to forget that even happened…

      God she’s boring.

      • Bumblebee Tuna

        Yeah…Julia Baugher (her real name) only had the column with TMS because her father arranged it for her, and then she was dropped/fired before her contract was up.

        And “NonSociety” was NOT a business, nor is Julia a “founder.” It was literally a Tumblr blog and a lousy one at that.