DO YOU REALLY HAVE A 73 POINT CHECKLIST?
HELL YEAH, I do!! I wrote it about three years ago, in a blue notebook, when I hit 28 1/2 – which was the moment I decided I was done, um … fucking around. As it were. I remember the exact night things shifted, too. I was sleeping with my college boyfriend for the first time in years, and I thought, “Goddamn, I’m starting to LITERALLY repeat myself.” Prior to that moment, I had one criterion for dating: “Be Fascinating.” Nothing else mattered. Rich, poor, college-educated or not, lawyer, entrepreneur, unemployed, fat, thin, tall, short, chivalrous, a dick. I’ve dated them all. If they bored me, I was out. If they enthralled me, I’d stay until I was bored. But fascination alone does not a good marriage make.
So I sat down and did what I do when I want to make a huge change: made a List. I wrote down everything I thought I wanted (key term: “thought I wanted”) in a husband.
What’s the most ridiculous requirement? Maybe we know someone.
It ranges from the hardly controversial:
#13: Strong & consistent emotionally
#29: Makes me feel secure and loved
#34: Would make a great dad – and wants to have kids
#39: Does good for others
#44: Loves learning
#59: Talented lover
#63: Loves animals – especially [my dog] Lilly
To the slightly more … eccentric (hey! I was just dream-listing!)
#5: well-read / reads The Atlantic, Fast Company & WIRED
#28: Wants to live in a warm climate (preferably Palo Alto)
#33: Enjoys playing tennis, horseback riding, skiing, biking
#48: Can play piano or guitar or sing
#64: 75% homebody, 25% enjoys swanky events
I mean. Even I can see how some of these latter items are not, uh, by any stretch mandatory. That said, it was never meant to be a “mandatory” checklist. Just a general idea of the characteristics I think would be lovely to have in a partner. BTW, I think #64 is the most hysterical. Like, let me at your iCal and we’ll make a pie chart! But that was the only way of describing what I thought I was looking for … hahah …
I will say (slight spoiler) toward the end of the show I do “update” the list, removing a few items and adding some new ones.
Let’s put it this way … the addendum contains items like this:
#75: Be open, creative and encourage me to be the same
#78: Encourage my authentic self and personal growth
#80: Dedicate our relationship to learning, growing, evolving
#82: Create an unconventional life with me
#88: Loves me for my mess
;-) #88 is what it’s all about.