Harlotry: The First Time Someone Paid Me For Sex

He also wasn’t bad looking, I suppose. While he was a far cry from any of the men I’ve ever been attracted to, I could see how he might one day make some miniature lady quite happy. His non-repulsiveness was a surprise in and of itself. I had assumed that all of my clients would be absolutely disgusting.

I sat down on the couch while the munchkin went to his fridge to get us both mineral waters. I do not like mineral water, but I needed to buy some time when I realized how foolish I was in my choice of footwear: steel-toed boots. While I was the proud owner of many lovely pairs of high-heeled shoes, I had decided that in order to play up the cute rock chick Suicide Girls angle, I should wear my massive, steel-toed combat boots. This would not have been a problem if my boots were older, but unfortunately the trusty Doc Martens I wore throughout much of high school had given out only about six months before and their replacements were still so stiff that they took about five minutes to get off my feet. Ugh.

I began work on one of my boots, but I had significantly underestimated the amount of time it would take the munchkin to return with two cans of La Croix and an envelope. I put the envelope in my bag, opened the mineral water, and pretended to take a sip before returning to the removal of my boots. As determined as I was, my rush to get them both off in record time only led to awkward fumbling and they probably would never have left my feet if the munchkin hadn’t sat on the floor and yanked them off for me. I was terribly embarrassed. I was sure that my inability to remove my boots was a sign of inexperience (it was) and equally certain that that inexperience would be considered negative (of course it wouldn’t).

Once I had my boots off, the munchkin immediately started to kiss me. I had stated in my advertisement that I offered a “girlfriend experience,” but it wasn’t until that moment that I connected the dots. I never had any intention of explicitly forbidding kissing, but I sort of expected it was not something one did with a prostitute. Luckily, there wasn’t enough time for my shock to become apparent because he moved suddenly to the side of my head, sticking his tongue as deep into my ear canal as it would go. I wasn’t sure if slugs burrowed and I was sure they didn’t burrow in people’s ears, but… if they did, I knew what it would feel like.

The only thing I could think to do in order to get his tongue out of my ear was take my shirt off. Unsurprisingly, it worked. Soon he was taking off my bra and slobbering on my nipples, rather than in my ear, giving my a perfect window to pull a condom out of my skirt pocket and suggest we get down to business.

Share This Post:
    • Beth

      Please, please stop already.

      • MM

        Seriously? I think this series is interesting and pretty well written. I’m looking forward to reading the rest.

      • Goldie

        Just stop reading. Go away. I’m fascinated.

      • anya

        yea i actually found this to be really interesting and lot different than what most people think goes on. its very humanizing, i like how she described her intense nervousness

      • Alexis H

        No kidding, this is one of the best, most intriguing series on here. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.

      • Anne

        Please, please shut up already.
        I am loving this.

    • Amy

      I am super digging this series. I recently encountered a prostitute (my bf’s grandpa was just finishing up when we stopped by to visit. Pro-tip: call first from now on). He actually made her dinner afterwards and we all just chatted casually, she was a model and had sex a couple times a month with the same (4) men for extra cash. It didn’t sound like she considered herself a whore… it was merely something she did… on the side.

    • Noora

      I LOVE your series :) It is really very interesting. Looking forward to next week’s instalment!

    • Jon

      can’t wait for the inevitable anal request! :)

      • Cate

        Those are so boring that they don’t really warrant a full article. Since I was independent, I could set my own prices. I charged an extra two hundred dollars for anal and it was so much more that no-one ever took me up on it. I got a lot of ‘HOW much? Never mind.’ emails.
        It was sort of a shame, because $500 is a lot of money, but also not a shame because anal is really intimate and I wasn’t too enthused about sharing that with a client, hence the high price tag.

      • Jon

        where do your clients spray their solution? i’m sure you get a ton of guys wanting to go all over your face and your mouth. do you usually charge extra because that seems almost as intimate as anal if you ask me..

        fyi, i so would have shelled out an extra 200. you seem legit like that.

    • sfs

      The only thing more disgraceful than paying someone for sex is accepting payment for sex. And you’re not even intelligent enough to be ashamed of yourself. Nice.

      • Lo

        That’s the most disgraceful thing? I can think of enough worse things to fill a ballad.

      • Jennifer Wright

        What about accepting payment for, say, killing anything? I suppose there are scales. I mean, I would certainly kill a cockroach for almost no money. $3? I’d say that’s my price. Everything else I’d have to haggle over.

        But that’s for individual cockroaches, I wouldn’t kill say, a Fear Factor style infestation for $3.

      • Cate

        I would say that imposing one’s own morals upon someone else is more disgraceful than accepting money for anything, including sex or violence.

        Also, Jennifer, I think you’re selling yourself short. Cockroaches can be really hard to kill sometimes. I think $5 per cockroach is a better rate.

      • Natalie

        I’ve just realized that all those years of killing spiders for my roommates, I could’ve made some serious cash. Damn it! And I say $5 per killing unpleasant things should be the standard rate.

      • AM

        @ sfs

        But why is it disgraceful or something to be ashamed of?

      • PaulMurrayCbr

        Isn’t that a Monty Python quote? Oh wait – I think it was Oscar Wilde. Same diff.

    • Scarlett

      I love this series. It’s really interesting and of course, enlightening. If you’re against the sex work industry, you should look the other way. There’s too much happening in the world to focus on something that bothers you. Move along.

      • Cam Cox

        Well said and so great to see a well written non sensationalised account of sex work as being exactly what it is – sex work

    • Sugar

      That sounds so horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

      I want more.

    • IJ

      Incredible article! I really hope you found your own Richard Gere. hehe :)

      • Cate

        God no, Richard Gere was a huge asshole in that movie. I found someone better.

      • Jennifer Wright


        We’re going to continue using Pretty Woman imagery because everyone recognizes it, and it is the universally understood cave symbol for “friendly prostitute” but read the original script, because it gets weird.

        Here: http://www.awesomefilm.com/script/Pretty-Woman-($3,000).pdf

        Of course you can do better than the Richard Gere character. He was originally intended to be a sociopath.

      • Cate

        I have read it. I have read it and wished that it was used in the actual movie. Although I think it’s pretty unrealistic that Vivian would reject all that money, I hate the Captain Save-a-Ho formula and I think that in the existing version they kept too much of the Richard Gere character’s original sociopathy while still trying to present him as warm and cuddly.

      • Jen

        Captian Save-a-Ho! Priceless.

    • Sam

      I could feel the awkwardness as I read this. Love it.

    • Byron

      Awesome, if not perfect literature:
      “The fact that I was now officially a whore didn’t really sink in until I was unlocking my bike. It was a lot like losing my virginity, or turning eighteen, in that I didn’t feel any different. I was just acutely aware that I was suddenly somehow different. It had been so easy, so unscary, so very much not like anything I had been led to believe about prostitution.

      I couldn’t help but wonder why everyone wasn’t a whore.”

    • CP911

      Firstly, I am really enjoying this series.

      I’m wondering if you’ve read Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho and if so, how you feel about Maria’s story in relation to your own life?

      Thank you for sharing.

    • Mandy

      A brilliant writer with what could be an endless supply of fascinating articles. Thanks for sharing!

    • Eddie

      Ever seen American Psycho? The talk of Genesis would have unnerved me…

    • t

      Some guy out there is a lucky guy :)

    • t

      Some guy out there is a lucky guy :)