Rock of Ages. Starring Tom Cruise? And Alec Baldwin? And Julianne Hough?
The question marks are meant to say - who was this movie made for? People who really love heavy metal, I guess, but also people who are very excited to see Tom Cruise shirtless cpping Catherine Zeta Jone’s breasts? Are they one and the same? Is that who goes to The Legend of Zorro?
I mean, I went to the Legend of Zorro, which is why I’m referncing it, but I spent the entire time trying to figure out who the director thought would be viewing Rock of Ages.
I guess he thought “people.”
He was right! There were people there. A smattering of them had mullets. There was also a teenage girl eating Raisinettes and popcorn who saw the Taco Bell commercial that they show before the movie with the tagline ‘FourthMeal Late Night Food” and loudly remarked “why would anyone want a fourth meal?”
It took all my composure, and frankly, my overwhelming desire to not be kicked out of the theater so I could see a long haired dancing Jack Donaghy, to stop from running over to her and exclaiming “you, Teenage Girl! You! You are mixing Raisinttes and popcorn right now! You are FourthMeal! That is you they are talking about! NOT ME! I LIVE ON WATER AND SUNLIGHT! LIKE A PLANT. LIKE A BEAUTIFUL ORCHID WHO THINKS.”
I think that might have been a sign that the fast was making me absolutely insane, but also, teenage girls in movie theaters are unbelievably annoying, so it could have been either one.
The movie was weird.
Is that a fair asssessment? Why don’t you go see it and we’ll talk about it.
I took the subway home, and I fell asleep around 5. I woke briefly to tell a friend I couldn’t go to a party. I went back to sleep. Then I woke up and watched Kramer and Kramer and thought about all the foods I could eat the next morning. When it was time to go to sleep it was nearly impossible, because I felt exactly the way you feel as a child on Christmas Eve.
Which, I suppose, was a really good part of this. If you want to realize how great basic aspects of your daily life are, rather than reading Our Town for the thousandth time, it’s worthwhile to give them up for a little bit. I’m not saying that everyone should do this with food, but, hell, maybe taking a week off drinking or desserts will make them seem way more magical when you come back to them. I’m pretty sure that tomorrow I’m going to really, sincerely appreciate food – and in the way, I can see why this is something that people do for legitimate religious reasons. It’s a reminder to be grateful.
Also – and I know this was kind of intended as a silly stunt – but I feel pretty proud of myself for making it through the entire three days. Of course, actually fasting isn’t something everyone should do, but it was good to realize that we can do things that may first strike us as impossible.
I mean, don’t start drinking poison because it seems impossible that you’ll live afterwards. Don’t do that.
I mean sane things. Things that test your willpower without killing you. And, hell, if I can do this, maybe I can run a marathon or pitch some more places I’d like to write for or check off a number of other goals? Why? Because I’m a beautiful goddamn flower. Like Audrey.