• Wed, Jun 20 2012

6 Ways To Deal With The Inevitable ‘Swamp Ass’ This Summer

Well, the summer is officially here! Today in the city it’s supposed to be an obnoxious 97 degrees, but the way the heat and humidity settles in between the tall buildings, it will feel even stickier. I’m so happy I skipped town for a few days, because basically we have some potential swamp ass on the horizon.

Although the term “swamp ass” is associated with gamers (something I just learned!), it also is something that, in extreme heat, we probably all have experienced at one point or another. You’re sitting somewhere and it’s pretty damn close to 100 degrees, with the humidity at some ridiculous percentage level and your shins are actually sweating, something you didn’t even know was possible, as well as the rest of your body. No matter how much you hydrate or run from the sun, excessive sweating in this heat is inevitable. You can feel the sweat pooling in your lower back, dripping from under your bra strap, slithering from your brow, and thanks to the backs of your knees, down your legs, too. By the time you go to stand to either hit up the loo, say hello to a friend, or order another drink, you realize you’re in the land of the swamp ass. Not cool.

I first heard the term when my friend Ali used it one day after we’d been baking in the sun on Pearl Street in Boulder the summer after college graduation. I remember thinking that she was absolutely brilliant for “coming up” with it, and I immediately injected it into my summer vocabulary. I honestly thought that she had invented it until I was at SXSW a couple years ago and ran into some girls in a bar bathroom who doused themselves with powder all while complaining about the “fucking Austin swamp ass.” Apparently, my friend Ali wasn’t exactly the genius I thought she was; swamp ass was an international term. I had truly thought I had brought it back east when I left Colorado, finally offering something to the world of language, but that was not at all the case. It was a sad day for me.

The puncturing of my ego aside, what it comes down to is that swamp ass is a real thing that can happen to a lot of innocent people who are just trying to enjoy their life. When the temperatures rise and there’s no air conditioning in sight, it can be a tough thing to handle. I’m not suggesting you can avoid it entirely, but you can at least try to limit the swampiness of your lower body and the wet splotches you could be leaving behind all over town by implementing some of the following things into your swamp ass preparation routine.

 

Photo: Someecards

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  • Jamie Peck

    I’m so glad I’m not in New York right now.

  • Sarah

    Now I’m wondering if the kid from highschool who made up the term ‘swass’ really made it up too. it’s basically the same as swamp ass except I think he combined the words ‘sweaty ass’
    the last slide, I’m so going to try that this summer LOL

  • Stella

    A friend of a friend’s age-old nickname is “Swabby.” I never questioned why; figured it was some nautical joke/reference. Then 15 years after meeting him I come to find out that the spelling of that nickname was different than I had thought. In junior high school PE class, he was known for always having a sweaty butt. Hence, Sweat on Butt = Swob, or Swobby.

  • Nancy

    When I was in Thailand we used menthol baby powder! Drying and cooling!

  • Catherine

    You guys forgot the ultimate: throw a couple of baby wipes into a ziploc and stick ‘em in your purse. If anyone asks, they’re exclusively for emergency stain removal (and uh, they DO work great for emergency stain removal. Blot, don’t rub. Works like magic.)

  • KeLynn

    I propose that instead of cotton, which is breathable but doesn’t dry super fast, you get some moisture-wicking undies. I have some from Ex Officio that I love. They were something like $20 each but it’s worth it.

  • Ron

    Guys,

    Get some Huppo Powder Pocket. Problem solved. Huppo is comfort on the fly. All you have to do is place the Huppo pouch into your briefs. Any slight movement will give you a dose of powder. The best way to cure the problem is to keep the area dry. You need Huppo. Check it out at gotyourhuppo.com

  • Ron

    Ladies, you can place the Huppo pouch in your bra to absorb moisture. It is not recommended elsewhere due to the talc in the product.

  • Ann

    try freshends too http://www.freshends.com

  • guestguestguest

    How do you think people in the middle east handle it?

  • Ron

    That time of year again gotyourhuppo.com

  • jeff

    Use product called “shower to shower” once out of the shower. It has the right amount of baking soda to kill bacteria. (dont use pure baking soda because this will actually make your ass sweat more!) Then use weightlifting chalk or rock climbing powder (its called magnesium carbonate) and apply to your ass. This stuff absolutely controls sweat down there. It will last for many hours and controls the smell longer. Better than baby powder, cornstarch, or using a deoderant stick. If the pros can use it on hands to stop sweaty hands (which a slip could literally mean there life) than you can use it in your bum or crotch to stop or at least control problems with sweating.