I remember once having a conversation with my grandmother in which she mentioned that Paris Hilton was detestable. I asked why, and she said that Paris simply spent all her family’s money on clothes and going to parties, and never worked at anything. I pointed out that my grandmother admired, say Babe Paley or Gloria Guinness, who could be said to do the same. She stared at me for a second. “That’s very different,” she said, “those women were married.” I asked how that was different. “When you are older you will understand how well behaved you have to be for that kind of marriage.”
She was right. I do, now. And that really is the key thing – you have to be well behaved.
Or rather, you have to be behaved in the right way, which just means how your husband wants you to behave.
Look, if the money you are living off of is not yours – if you did not earn it or inherit it – then be clear, you are working for someone. If your husband is providing you with all the money you live on, you are in a situation where your husband is your boss. Now, if you hate your current job, and you do not like commuting, this seems like it might be a preferable alternative. If your boss is your husband, you probably have a nice boss. You have a boss who loves you! Who you love! That’s great. And maybe it seems wildly, unbelievably easy to make him happy.
But – let’s say you and your boyfriend are two independent people, both of you working away at your own jobs. Let’s say he does something shitty. I don’t know what you consider shitty, but whatever that is, he does it. You’d probably call him out on it, yes? You might yell at him. That seems reasonable. Maybe you’d talk to him about how upsetting that shitty thing he did was. Sure you would. That’s how you respond when your friends and equals do things you don’t like.
Would you talk to your boss that way?
No. You would not.