10 Quotes From ‘Heathers’ That You Should Make Part Of Your Daily Conversations Starting Right Now

It’s an ongoing 80′s movie marathon over in these parts. For the second time in a week I’m watching Heathers; and for the second time in a week I’m overly impressed at the insanely brilliant dialogue in the movie. Before this week, it had been easily a decade since the last time I saw Heathers. It had been so long that now, as an adult, I finally understand so much of what had previously gone way over my head. It was like having an epiphany; a brilliant scrunchy-filled epiphany!

If you haven’t seen Heathers, your life is severely lacking. It’s fucked up, dark and definitely cringe-worthy in a few place where you actually can’t help but ask yourself: “Um, is that completely un-PC? Or is it that we’ve just lost our senses of humor since 1988?” It’s also a great commentary on youth in America, popularity in high school and just how easy it is to be a follower than a leader. Instead of getting into the semantics of Heathers and picking it apart for all its deeper meanings, we’re going to focus on the quotes, the near-perfect, original and hilarious quotes that sum up so much in just a few words. Now memorize this shit and start dropping it in conversations as early as tonight at dinner.


All photos: New World Pictures

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    • lucygoosey74

      Ah you left the best quote for last. The whole time I was reading I was like “where’s fuck me gently with a chainsaw?!”
      When I was a teenager, my 2 best friends and I watched Heather’s every Wednesday night for at least a year..it was our “thing”.
      20+ years later, this movie still rocks!

      • Amanda Chatel

        Of course I had to save that quote for last! It’s so fucking amazing! Best for last, always.

    • kjon

      Amanda. Why are you pulling my dick?

      • Amanda Chatel

        Because, kjon, if you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly.

      • kjon


      • Amanda Chatel

        I SO wanted to use that one… but I knew someone would get their panties in a twist over it and then I’d be labeled a homophobe. But hells yeah, that’s a great one.

    • Nessy

      My son asks me what my damage is, thanks to my sister.

    • lucygoosey74

      “Is that pate?” *SLAP*

      • kjon

        Oh yessss, so many pate gems.

    • Renee

      The Heathers quote I actually use most frequently is “I gotta motor or I’m gonna be late for that funeral.”

      • Amanda Chatel

        Ugh! I can’t believe I left out that one… so great.

    • Heather

      Did I have a brain tumor for breakfast, cause I read the article and I do not see the 10 quotes anywhere….where is this list?

      • Amanda Chatel

        Apparently so, Heather… it’s a gallery. The photos and quotes are at the bottom of the article.

    • Chloe Walker

      I never stopped using Heathers patois. Current fave: “You’re such a pillow case.”

    • lucygoosey74

      “cornnuts” *smash*
      Also, “Teenage suicide (don’t do it) by Big Fun.

    • Jen

      Ha. I say “What’s your damage?” all the damn time. And now so does my son.

      • alexandra

        me too! I tragically didn’t see this movie until last year (it came out two years before I was born), but I immediately started saying “what’s your damage??” in every possible situation

    • MR

      I liked the opening scene, when he pulles the gun on the jocks. Classic. Winona rules.

    • Mike Paul

      Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.