Well, the water fast is over.
Let’s eat all the cheese!
In fact, let us have a specific cheese eating party. You know. Like a party for lotus eaters, but with dairy products. I suppose if you live in a world where people think that water fasts are totally normal, they’re actually fairly comparable. In any case, one of my favorite foods is baked brie. I think this may be because, when I was a kid, my mother packed a wheel of brie in my lunchbox. Why? People make choices. It took me about an entire year before I realized that it was supposed to be spread on crackers and not eaten whole, rind and all, like a sandwich.
Baked brie strikes that perfect combination between childhood nostalgia for being the weirdest girl in 3rd grade and being-a-real-thing-people-eat-normally. And it’s delicious – because it is like a pizza folded in half, but a piazza made out of pasty dough and brie. So, double plus good pizza.
I always figured that baked was the kind of food made only by professional chefs and served at restaurants sometimes referred to as “boites”, until I realized that, no. Until I realized that was wrong.
Baked brie is the kind of food that looks incredibly impressive when you produce it at a cocktail party, but is so simple to make that even I can do it without completely destroying my oven. I wish I had known this years ago.
I found a wonderful recipe for it here. You’ll need:
Pilsbury crescent rolls
A wheel of brie
Some kind of normal jam (even if your inclination is to go for “gooseberry” I don’t think this is the time to take chances. I think you should be fearful of cool foreign options whose berry source you can’t visualize in your head. Apricot or strawberry are good choices. Play this like a Republican.)
And that is all.
You will also need music for sophisticates. I recommend:
Either one of those are good. Both of them are about people who have not known the ecstasy of baked brie.
I began by pre-heating the oven to 350.
Little did I know tragedy was about to strike.