Aaron Sorkin made headlines today when he called a female journalist “internet girl” and told her to “pick up a newspaper once in a while.” He proceded to high-five her and insult her high-fiving skills. Subsequently, EIC Jennifer Wright wanted to do a Fuck Marry Kill on notorious douchebags. Rounding out the three subjects are Donald Trump and James Franco. Deputy editor Ashley Cardiff resisted participating because this sucks.
Jennifer: I’m pretty conflicted today, Ashley.
Jennifer: Historically, I’ve always been attracted to Aaron Sorkin because I really like his work, and also, he is handsome like someone playing a high school footballer player in a TV drama is handsome. However, it would appear he is a total douchebag.
Ashley: Yes, the exchange with the female journalist was kind of jaw-dropping.
Jennifer: Why… did he high five her? And then insult her for the high five? But wait. At the same time, I guess any of Sorkin’s ball busting female leads would have handled that differently. They would have said something cutting about America. So maybe he was expecting her to… what?
Ashley: Remark that he’s out of touch, maybe. I mean, I’d be surprised if a famous person belittled me and told me to go read a newspaper, especially if I was talking to him in my capacity as a journalist.
Jennifer: For a newspaper. Which you presumably do not read.
Jennifer: It would be like if we were interviewing someone and they said “would it kill you to read a blog full of weird anger and star wars jokes disguised as a fashion site” and we were like “yes.”
Ashley: I mean, it would be more apt if we were dressed as Princess Leia and carrying laptops.
Ashley: So, Aaron Sorkin seems difficult. Then we have James Franco and Donald Trump, making this the hardest Fuck Marry Kill going. I miss the days when I had to marry William Faulkner and resign myself to a life in the shadow of his excellence. This is the opposite of that.
Jennifer: Wow, it really is. I am not immediately picking the man who could send my kids to Dalton because ALL of these men could send my kids to Dalton.
Ashley: Yes. For once you must choose based on merit and decency and intellect.
Jennifer: Oh, wow. But tragically… all are void in those areas on some level.
Ashley: So, this really comes down to marrying/fucking Franco or Sorkin.
Jennifer: Really? Kill Franco. In spite of Donald Trump’s overpowering ego, he seems like he’s raised really reasonable, hard-working, polite kids.