It only took four days for my mother to answer the phone before I could silence it. She woke me up at eight in the morning–the crack of dawn for me–to tell me that she’d just had “the most interesting conversation.” Even in my groggy state, I knew exactly what had happened and my dread was immeasurable.
…Not that I was really worried about getting grounded. I was more concerned about the loss of my very first regular and what exactly this (seemingly) imbalanced man now knew about my real life.
On the phone, my mother and I sound almost exactly alike, so naturally there was some confusion when Grant asked if he was speaking to ‘Miranda’. For better or worse, my mother is a chatty and helpful person and her natural inclination to remove all obstacles from her path caused the misunderstanding to be cleared up almost immediately. Once established he was talking to his underage mistress’ mother, most normal people would probably hang up the phone and send an email to that mistress canceling future appointments. But Grant was not a normal man.
Instead of cutting his losses and extricating himself, he proceeded to cross-examine my mother, claiming that he had met me on an internet dating site (a lie that my mother says immediately aroused her suspicions). He knew that she was recovering from surgery–because I had cancelled an appointment with him in order to pick her up from the hospital–but he wasn’t sure what kind. Being the proud cancer survivor that she is, my mother was quick to tell him that she had just gotten reconstructive surgery on the breast removed in her mastectomy.
This is when the conversation got weird.