I Got Mugged (So You Won’t Have To!)

I got mugged last week. I live in New York, land of muggings, so I know it happens all the time. Friends tell me their own stories and use phrases like “the gun” and “knifepoint.” That didn’t happen to me. I was drunk and alone and surrounded by a group of six or seven guys who pinned me down, stole my iPhone, and ran. It was terrifying. If there was a gun, I probably would have peed my pants, quit my job, and moved to Wisconsin, a state I imagine to be cushioned with soft pillows of cheese.

But knowing that muggings happen to everyone isn’t as comforting as, say, all your college girlfriends getting abnormal pap smears, or all your work colleagues getting their email hacked by prescription drug spammers. The situation is still absolutely, heart-stoppingly frightening. I wish I had followed these idiotically obvious steps to get through it.

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    • lucygoosey74

      Sorry to break it to ya, but Wisconsin isn’t safe either. Perhaps you’ve heard of Milwaukee? Not a safe place at all.
      Flashback to 1992, I’m in the ghetto trying to find my car after a rave (back when they were underground and illegal, typically held in abandoned warehouses) suddenly, there’s 2 guys, one on each side of me, one with a gun and one with a knife. They took all my money, all the while threatening to kill me if I made a sound..I was on serious quantities of LSD at the time, mind you.
      It was terrifying and Milwaukee still freaks me out.

      • Ashley Cardiff

        Getting mugged at gun *and* knife point while tripping sounds like the worst experience imaginable.

      • MR

        Yeah, I must say that must have been out-there. My worst time I was alone. I punched this guy to get through him, and his buddy who I didn’t know was there hit me over the head with his gun from behind. The guy who I hit was pissed and told him to blow me away. I’m on my knees and he’s holding a gun to my head. You see this is why I “do” believe in karma. :)

    • Brandy Alexander

      I just peed my pants.

    • Cate

      This is terrifying. Despite the fact that I regularly behave in a way that practically invites muggers and live in a terrible neighborhood, I’ve never been mugged. I have no idea what I would do, but I really hope I wouldn’t pee myself.

    • lucygoosey74

      Yes, getting mugged with a gun AND a knife whilst tripping is something I will never forget. The worst part..one of the muggers actually said “this is a stick-up” and I started laughing uncontrollably. That’s when they threatened to kill me.