I Have No Idea Who Jessie J. Is, But Based On These Jeans I Don’t Want To Be Her Friend

I’m all for people being individuals in their fashion sense, unless it annoys me. I kid! No, I don’t. OK, maybe I do. Actually, I’m not sure. But what I do know is that even if you’re being original (or at least you think you are), sometimes you look like a total asshole.

The last time I was in Bushwick I saw a fella in a hot pink spandex onesie with black Doc Martens boots on, and he looked like an asshole. Not only did he look like an asshole because of his attire, but he probably is one, too, because he clearly suffers from a “Look at me! Look at me!” personality disorder which I’m assuming comes from not being hugged enough by his parents. This is an assumption, not a scientifically researched fact. But can we agree if you’re going to gallivant around town in certain get-ups, you’re actually vying for attention, comments and maybe even a Twinkie being chucked at your head? We can? Good.

Last night, unable to sleep, I stumbled across the above photo of someone by the name of Jessie J.. Based on the brief description, I gathered that she’s a singer (of some sort), from where (I don’t know), and she obviously doesn’t own a mirror. Or maybe she does own one, but it’s plastered with photos of Marilyn Monroe, so Ms. J. is constantly living under the delusion that she always looks super. I get that as a “musician,” she needs to be all “cutting edge,” but how absurd are these jeans? They don’t even look comfortable! They have no shape and sort of hang on her for dear life, hoping they won’t fall — oh, wait! They can’t fall as long as she keeps her knees bent because then her knees can catch them before they end up around her ankles. Awesome.

While I appreciate the built-in air conditioning factor involved with this look, overall they’re just dumb. So dumb, in fact, that if any of my friends showed up to brunch wearing these, I’d take her outside, kick her in the shin and say: “Bitch, please!” If she didn’t understand what I meant by my statement and my impeccable delivery of it that had all the necessary emphasis on the right places, I’d have to second guess our friendship, as well as her sanity. Maybe that makes me superficial, or maybe, just maybe, it means I really, really love my friends and don’t want them wandering the streets of New York City looking like assholes — especially if they’re doing that wandering next to me.

OK, who would rock these jeans? Any takers?


Photo: FilmMagic via Huffington Post

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    • MM

      I swear I’ve seen these jeans somewhere before. As in, they’re designer and cost $$$.

    • Endn

      I think I wore something similar in high school after cutting up my brother’s jnco jeans! Ah good times.

      But I do think all the “edgy” costume bullshit is completely obnoxious and I blame lady gaga for all

    • Lo

      Can’t dispute your opinion on the jeans. From what little I do know of Jessie J, though, she seems to have her head on straight. The couple of songs I’ve heard are about being genuine and not being a dickhole to people. I’m sure a more informed reader will be along later.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Oh, I’m sure a more informed reader will be along to tell me I’m a dickhole for knocking her style.

        So who does she sound like? Are we talking some Lilly Allen type shite?

      • Lo

        I heard the couple of songs on a radio station I’m forced to listen to at work. It rated pretty low on the wanting-to-kill-everyone scale. That’s the last drop of information I have.

        Now that I think about it, I’m going to assume that Frank Zappa could rock the jeans, while singing a song about the jeans, to be followed by a song about the article about him wearing the jeans.

    • lucygoosey74

      I am now going to gouge out my eyeballs with a rusty spoon and spend the rest of my life in therapy, desperately trying to erase the memory of ever seeing those jeans.
      I find that the extreme ALWAYS gets a reaction.

    • Aussie Aussie Aussie

      Jessie Cornish ( Jessie J ) has a huge following in the UK and taking shape the rest of the world, she’s just a down to earth kinda girl if you have seen any of her interviews. As for the jeans in question…. no you wouldn’t let your daughter wear them to school… but Jessie J is a performer and has to have a visual impact as well as a vocal one. Imagine you are in the back row of an 80,000 strong crowd, it’s for all the little people right at the very back.
      The other thing is Jessie J or her record company probably pay a stylist a very large some of money for the image that’s been created.
      Last but not least, Jessie J has a huge amount of time for her fans, she doesn’t do drugs etc . . . . I say live and let live……. let Jessie J have her time in the limelight I think she deserves it.
      Oh and maybe some people don’t like her Quote ” Sh*t lily allen ” type or style of music.( which it’s nothing like ) and if you are one of those then don’t listen change the channel and listen to . . . . . well something YOU like.