How Old Is ‘Too Old’ To Party At The Clurrrb?

Up-and-coming DJ Paris Hilton is once again embroiled in controversy this week after engaging in light fisticuffs with some men who wanted to take her picture outside of the clurrrrb Tuesday night. The fisticuffs ended, as all the best ones do, with an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction that, ironically, exposed much more of her than the men would otherwise have been able to photograph. Oh dear.

This has prompted “some” (these folks never seem to have names) to opine that the 31-year-old heiress is “too old” to still be attending the clurrrrb and should instead be “at home,” “getting Botox” or “knitting diamond coozies” or whatever it is that unmarried 31-year old heiresses are supposed to do:

An insider says Paris might avoid such tomfoolery if she could act her age, saying Paris “is still going to clubs on a very frequent basis and she is 31-years-old. You don’t see a lot of people over 30 going to clubs. It’s almost sad to see.”

Come again, Mr. Insider? Are you seriously going to make me want to defend Paris Hilton about something? I hate you.

There is no such thing as “too old to party.” That’s patently ridiculous. I have friends of all ages, from early twenties to sixties (if you count my parents), and the vast majority enjoy a good party. For example, the last time my 63-year-old mother was in New York, I happened to be throwing a roof party as a way to see everyone before I left for Berlin, so she came, drank a beer, and told us some stories from the ’60s. It was a fun party. When I visit her in Baltimore, she takes me to belly dancing parties and jazz bars and such, and that’s fun, too. I’m not saying I take my mom to keggers, but she still likes to go out and get tipsy off two glasses of chardonnay and have a good time, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I’m pretty sure I’ll be the same way when I’m her age. What fun is being retired if you can’t spend your pension on margaritas?

Here in Berlin, where the art of clubbing is performed in an efficient and near-perfect fashion, you’d be hard pressed to find many under-25s in the more exclusive clubs. (By “exclusive,” I mean they don’t let in overly tanned Eurotrash in muscle shirts who want to dance up on you, or drunk 19-year-olds who are going to barf all over the place.) 31 might be the approximate median age, but there are lots of rad old German people who are there to listen to some house music and cheat death a while longer. And they look good! Maybe taking ecstasy keeps you young, or maybe they don’t take it anymore. Who knows? I’m too intimidated by their coolness to ask.

So yeah, I don’t believe in “too old to party.” I do, however, believe in “too old to get sloppy drunk and need to be taken care of,” as well as “too old to fight with paparazzi and show your vagina for attention.” Ideally, any age is too old for that, but let’s be generous and say 25. Paris Hilton is 31 and has been partying since she was like, 12. She has no excuse. Besides “I want to remain in the tabloids for increasingly embarrassing reasons,” I suppose.

Or maybe I’m wrong, and there’s a really good reason why a lady shouldn’t consume adult beverages and dance with her friends past the age of 29 that I just haven’t thought of yet. Personally, I find I enjoy going out much more than I used to, now that I’ve learned my limits and am no longer worried about impressing people or finding someone to hook up with. In fact, at 27, I think I’m just finally starting to hit my partying stride. What was once an escape from a sad, emo life is now an enhancement of an already fulfilling one. I drink less, do fewer drugs, stay out later, and have more fun. Does that count as moderation? Just call me Benjamin fucking Franklin, then.

And now, readers, my questions for you are: 1.) How old are you? 2.) What’s your partying philosophy?

(Via Radar Online)



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    • Sandra

      Thank you. I’m 35 and don’t need anyone telling me when I can stop having fun the way I like to. My favorite thing in the world is to dance to house music at underground parties or chill clubs. In the LA scene there’s a man who is probably in his 70s nicknamed Reggae Pops (find him on fb). He goes to ALL the parties; he has amazing energy! Whenever I see him, I tell him I’m going to be just like him – dancing til I die.

      • Ragaholic

        Right on sista!

    • Alexis H

      I agree. In college I really did enjoy getting wasted on jager bombs and dancing with strangers and going on 4 am adventures. It was fun and awesome and OMG COLLEGE! I wouldn’t take it back if I could (although I might take back a couple drunken hookups because ew).

      But that had it’s time and place. Crazy, immature partying is super fun and awesome and it’s something you should do and get out of your system while you can get away with it. Doing the same thing at my age (I’m 28) would be really embarrassing. It’s like when a middle aged woman wears some trampy scrap of pvc from forever 21 and thinks she’s passing. Bitch should know better.

      I still have fun, though! Now I do late 20′s-early 30′s partying that involves things like going to hookah bars, or meeting friends for ethnic food, then moving on to post-dinner drinks at a favorite local dive, or weekend getaways that don’t involve camping because I’m a classy adult who stays in a real hotel! My parties have also evolved. Now I can have people over for late night drinks at my home that I own and no longer have to worry about noise complaints from my downstairs neighbor. I provide bougie snacks in serving dishes (not exactly catered hors d’oeuvres, but better than Doritos) and drink better alcohol. When you and your friends can put on grown up disguises and still do basically the same things you always did but with slightly more money and restraint, you are living a really awesome existence.

      I’m not saying I’m better than someone in their early 20′s because dear god did I have WAY too much fun doing age-appropriate 23 year old stuff. I’m just saying I have a different sort of fun now because your late 20′s is when you start practicing for real adult life because being 31 and getting in a drunken fight that involves labia exposure is just awful. You gotta ease out of that nonsense.

    • Doni

      I think the issue is more that Paris Hilton has all the money in the world and could easily be doing something far more awesome and meaningful with her life than getting wasted every night and and acting like an idiot. I think it’s different than someone who works hard all week and wants to unwind with their friends. I respect hardworking people and think they deserve a good night out whenever they can manage one., no matter what age they are.
      If Paris was out using her fame and fortune to save orphaned children or kittens then we might view her shananagans in a different light. She’s not though, shes using her fame to flash her crotch and snort coke off toilet seats while wearing stringy extensions and using baby talk. So fuck her.

    • Sam

      Hell yes. I mean, I’m 22 and sometimes I already feel like people think it’s weird that I’m at certain shows and whatnot. But when anybody who looks over 28 walks in, people get actually offended by their presence sometimes…it’s ridiculous. I know 19-year-olds with whom I’d never really want to party because they’re quiet and fun in other ways; I also know 34-year-olds with whom I would be willing to go out on any night o’ the week because they’re super rad. Age bias is idiotic. Anti-Paris Hilton bias is just rational, though.

    • MR

      Jazz Festival in Montreal started just a little while ago. A party in the streets. I’m picking my girlfriend up early tomorrow on the NY Champlain ferry side, and we’re heading up right after. It goes on for 10 days. Paris is not invited. :)

    • Nancy

      Personally I feel too old for the club scene and I’m 25, I just don’t find it fun to be in a stuffy club with a bunch of wasted 18 year olds everywhere being obnoxious, plus I don’t do drugs so it’ s not like I’m heading to an afterhours, but I agree its ridiculous to try to shame Paris Hilton for clubbing when she’s 31 and has money to waste. It’s more annoying that her and Kim Kardashian are both in their 30s and insist on talking in that baby voice and try to maintain being famous for no reason/acting like a teenager to appeal to their ‘fanbase’

    • Sarah

      FYI, I’m 63 last time I checked, and I’m going out tonight to dance my ass off to a rock band. And I sincerely hope that I will never be too old to party to the best of my ability. But even at the height of hedonistic revelry with my two-ass glass of wine capacity, I will keep it together enough to have some class in my sass. I wish people would stop rewarding those trailer trash celebs with attention, but I guess everyone loves to watch a trainwreck, sigh.

    • KG

      I think the first thing Paris needs to worry about is finding some clip in hair extensions that actually match her hair.

    • Ragaholic

      I think maybe people don’t feel welcome in the club sometimes because younger partiers go out of their way to make older people feel unwelcome or uncool…Women can be especially heinous to eachother…. and agism especially towards women, due to the remaining vestiges of sexism and patriarchy that linger at the periphery of our beautifully transforming culture. If we make room for everyone, no holds barred…it becomes funner. Case in point: Burning man! FYI, I just turned 30. I hope to never be too old to rage, so why would I deny my elders that bit of joy? I say, lets stop throwing people away once they reach a certain age. Let the old people in! :)

    • georgina

      i know some one who is 21 thinks too old for the clubing. so i think it comes from how you feel there is not limit age but there is a limit for if you feel fit in there.

    • DaBenz

      I would say 25 is a good age to grow up and move on. The club is for the young not the old geezers trying to hold on to being cool.

    • rebeca

      İf you have kids and you are in rship even you are 20 you have to be act like mum respect you kids and your partner. age doesnt matter but the sitution you in matter. well you dont have kids go out and have a fun you are not mum doesnt matter how old you are go out and have a fun!!