Dating Hijinks: Tattoo Guy Thought It Appropriate To Overshare Our Sex Life In Mixed Company

Tattoo Guy and I in bed -- where some sexual details should stay put.

On Wednesdays, Amanda Chatel will be sharing stories about her strange, fascinating and sometimes wonderful dating life. If it makes you want to date, check out TheGloss dating page

Clearly, I have zero qualms about writing about my sex life. I talking openly about sex with my friends, families and obviously my lovers because if you can’t be open with the latter then you shouldn’t be having sex with them. However, the one thing I don’t do is discuss my sex life in mixed company. When I say mixed company, I mean I’m not about to go into any sort of detail about what Tattoo Guy and I have or haven’t done in front of his or my friends — it just makes for a weird situation, and frankly all parties become uncomfortable. Since this is how I roll, I assumed Tattoo Guy, although an extremely sexual person like me and very open about it, would be discrete enough about it to not share certain things in front of my friends. If he wants to go out and tell his friends exactly what’s going on, then go for it, because I do the same, but it just shouldn’t be brought up in front of either groups of our friends — in my humble opinion.

Not too long ago, my neighbor Alex and I were having one of our underwear-pizza party-movie marathon evenings. Alex, my neighbor who climbs in my window and shares my affinity for a no pants zone, will often come over in his cute little undies from American Apparel and we lounge around and are just simply lazy for hours on end. On one evening Tattoo Guy came over while Alex and I were enjoying our pants free lifestyle, although he kept his pants on because Alex was there. Normally to get him to put on any clothes at all when he’s over is a damn feat — I swear he must have been raised in a naked house.

Eventually the conversation turned to sex because Alex, being a gay man, had some questions about something he saw in porn somewhere and wanted to know if women actually like whatever it was they were discussing. I wasn’t paying attention. Immediately, Tattoo Guy took the conversation in the direction of me what we had done, what he was planning on doing to me once we could get Alex out of the apartment and some very, very specific details that I’ve even left out of conversations I’ve had with my friends. I do not blush when it comes to sex talk, but considering just how specific he was being, I snapped at them both and told them to keep me out of it; to which Tattoo Guy responded by reaching over and slipping his hand in my underwear. I got up, told Alex to go home and went to my room where I proceeded to sulk because I was both embarrassed by the conversation and because he tried to fingerbang me, although done in a joking way, in front of Alex. There was no stealth attempt under a blanket the way things like that can be done or under a table in a dark bar, it was right there in the open. Granted, both Tattoo Guy and Alex have had their fair share of orgies, but this isn’t fucking ancient Rome!

After pointing out what he had done and he defending himself saying that at least it gave me fodder for another essay (which is obviously true), he promised he wouldn’t do it again. He said it wasn’t about a lack of respect but because he knows how close Alex and I are, he didn’t think it would be problematic. Well, it was a problem because what information was shared that night, I would never share with Alex or anyone else for that matter. Those nitty-gritty details have no place outside of the bedroom.

Once the sulking ended we put on a movie and moved forward with the evening. But was I overreacting? If you were sitting around with your boyfriend or the guy you’re dating, would you decide to tell his friends exactly how he arches his back when he comes and starts singing the Star Spangled Banner? I know I wouldn’t. Does anyone sing the Star Spangled Banner when they orgasm? I’m just asking because it is the Fourth of July after all.

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    • Lastango

      With all that communication with all sorts of folks, threesomes, no-pants friends, and so on, it seems really hard to start drawing lines in the sand.

      Myself, I never tell anyone anything. None of their damn business, and my partners know they can trust me — and that remains true even after a breakup.

      Some of that may be because of my line of work. Part of being a professional is not being tacky. Besides, I don’t enjoy being crude or crass… and I don’t need to adopt a vulgar social style to fit in or prove I’m hip. (I’m so far away from being hip, no one would believe it anyway!)

      • Sugar

        I second all of that.

    • Nancy

      I agree with Lastango on that first point. I would’ve been pissed and embarrassed, too, but I hope you’re not still too pissed about it because how’s he supposed to know where you draw the line on sexual privacy until you tell him? Related question: do you think guys are really as clueless as they claim when it comes to knowing things without us telling them, or is it a huge conspiracy to make us do all the work in the relationship?

      • Sabrina

        Seriously! I feel like everyone everywhere tells women that they need to be direct with men and tell them exactly what they like, should do, favors they want, surprises they like, etc. But my boyfriend is way more complicated than that. He will send me all of these joke things about how a woman is sitting next to her boyfriend and wondering what is wrong with him and why isn’t he talking to her and then it shows that what the man is thinking the whole time is “I wonder why my car isn’t starting?” or something very simple to that effect. Haha, right? Get it? Women over think everything and men are really simple. But then when something happens between us and I try to remember that it’s something simple, he’ll actually say to me “it’s a lot more complicated than that”!!! So I officially give up.

        On a side note, Amanda, I would have been upset too.

    • Maggie

      My boyfriend and I have couple friends who discuss their sex life, in vivid detail, in front of tons of people, all the time. It makes things uncomfortable for everyone really, because there are things you talk about with your girl friends when your guy isn’t around (and vice-versa for guys I’m sure), but when you’re together and bringing up personal, intimate details… awkward. I really don’t want to know things about my friends’ penis! If my boyfriend did that to me, I’d be irritated for sure. There are some things that should stay between a couple!

    • luis mejia

      your a sex blogger its your job to talk about those things and about your sex with him, so if you can out the other person even by pseudonym there’s no reason he can’t tell a person face to face about the same when all parties are present and conversing, obviously the lines of appropriate behavior were blurred by your standards, but its your fault you didn’t’ have a discretion talk earlier in your relationship.