I Changed My Style For A Dude, And I’m Okay With That

As we established yesterday, Kanye West has gradually been molding Kim Kardashian into his beautiful, dark, twisted fantasy of What Kanye West’s Girlfriend Should Look Like. And while I generally have little empathy for that bionic fame-eater, I must admit it made me think back on my own stylistic evolution, a personal development which was largely caused by being in a controlling relationship with a Kanye of my own. Yes, that’s right…I’m talking about Bad College Boyfriend.

When I first met Bad College Boyfriend, I was still dressing largely how I did in high school: like a mall Goth who was really into faeries, with an occasional dash of club kid thrown in. You guys have already seen some photos from this phase of my life, but here’s another one just for fun:

I bought the spiked collar at Petco

Naturally, Bad College Boyfriend took this is a sign that I was a silly little girl who deserved to have her heart treated like monkey meat, but after I chased him for a while, he deigned to give me a chance to show him I was cool “on the inside.” But seeing as BCB was a sophisticated urban whimpster, some changes needed to be made in my appearance before he could introduce me to his friends. This was easy enough to do, because I was so crazy bonkers in love with him that I did pretty much everything he said. If he didn’t like the dress I was wearing, I’d take it off immediately and never wear it again. Fuck that dress! I might have liked my Hot Topic clothes, but I liked BCB a whole lot more. So I became his indie rock fuck-child. As you can see, it was quite the healthy relationship.

By the time I was done dating Bad College Boyfriend, I looked like this:

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    • Lauren

      No, I always want Eliza to leave Henry at the end.

    • Eileen

      Didn’t they split up in the play?

      And yeah, whatever. I picked up some new interests because of boys I crushed on in high school. They were their interests then, but they’re mine now, and that’s what matters.

    • Lastango

      I hadn’t heard of whimpsters before, but similar types have been around since at least the beatniks. (IMO that’s who the whimpsters are stealing from stylistically.) The next bunch figured out the antiwar movement was full of chicks. You can see one of these types in action in “Animal House” — he’s sitting on the stairs with a guitar hustling froshmeat.

      Later generations of these punks started working the save-the-earth beat, where there is no end of young women who are natural joiners, want to be popular, and respond to well superficial rhetorical cues about anything feelgood.

      These days, I gather they’re starting to pop up in the Women’s Studies and the Gender Studies classes. Slick operators that they are, I’ll wager they talk the talk better than most of their targets. It’s all about respect and empowerment, yaknow. He’s there for your success, and because he’s secure in his New Masculinity he doesn’t mind when you take the lead. He’d jump at the chance to be a stay-at-home dad if you wanted him to, proving he’s left the patriarchy far behind. If he’s really, really good he might even subtly change his style to suit yours. He’s just a comfy to be around as your girlfriends. What a guy! (To throw him for a loop, wear the pearl earrings. He has no idea what to do around a grownup.)

      Something from the seventies:

      They call him the rapper
      Rap, rap, rap you know what he’s after.”

      • Jackie

        Yes! You have it so spot on about the guys in the Women/Gender studies classes. If you pay close enough attention you can always pick them out in class.

      • Phil

        I actually met Alan Ginsberg in 1982 in Colorado; I had no desire to meet him, but, someone I was talking with got all enthusiastic, and said your about to meet Alan Ginsberg.

        I could have cared less if If I met or not….I was immediately (at that time) struck….with the thought…. of this icon of the 60s, was obviously manufactured by the media back then; because, he would have been to wimpish, to be of any use to to the actual people involved in the anti-Vietnam war movement.

        I know this, because I was then, and am now a liberal pacifist.

        Believe me, I know, because the pacifists back then used the media, in a powerful iconic way, much more then, they do now…. to get a point of view across.

    • Sarah

      I know this is off topic, but, you rocked both of those looks, beautiful! Love, Mom.

    • Kj

      I think you have to see it as him being the catalyst in a process that would have happened on its own – just more slowly – and that’s ok, and perfectly feminist as far as I’m concerned. Love will EAT YOUR SOUL, and it’s very hard to fight, but once bad love is over you are a little more in tune with yourself, I think.

    • kittnen

      Somehow I have a feeling you would have made those changes anyways. I have been with the same person since I was 17, and I look nothing like I did when we first got together. But our relationship is completely healthy, we got married 2 years ago we couldn’t be happier. He has never once told me how I should dress, unless I asked his opinion. (“Does this outfit make me look like an elementary school teacher?” “Yes, yes it does.”) Something about growing up makes you stop dressing like everyone is looking at you.

    • Sarah Anne

      I had a very similar experience and I do not think you are wrong in liking the changes you made because of someone else. Just because those changes were almost, if not entirely, pushed on you doesn’t mean you should hate them. Its ok to like those changes if YOU chose :)


      Here is place for Cougars meeting and dating younger men.

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