Do You Let Your Fella Dictate Your Fashion Choices?

I can't commit to one color, the way he couldn't commit to his feelings for me.

Once upon a time before I lacked the necessary spine to say “go fuck yourself” (you know, about six months ago), and I allowed the man in my life to dictate how I dressed, as well as my fashion/beauty choices. As our lovely Jamie covered yesterday, she changed her style for a fella which, if you read it (and you should!) actually makes perfect sense. But sadly, I put myself on mute for him; and for that I hate myself and I hate him even more.

It was only when this particular fella wasn’t around that I wore what I wanted for nail polish, lipstick and, only then that I wore heels. According to him, all those things made me look ridiculous. Again, dear sir, since I know you’re reading this “go fuck yourself.”

So since I’m free of a person who thought it necessary to dictate how I dressed and wore even my most obnoxious of nail polish choices, like the manicure I requested above, I’m indulging in everything that he said made me look, well, “ridiculous.” Silly? Hell yeah. Too young for me? Probably. Do I give a fuck? Not in the slightest.

Have you ever allowed your significant other to have a say in your fashion choices, or do you just simply laugh and tell him to fuck off, too?

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    • Sam

      Please ignore the fact that I comment on all (allllllll) of your articles and most of the other ones for thegloss.

      BUT, my ex-boyfriend Eric used to make me feel really badly about wearing makeup and told me that the only reason I dyed my hair was because I wanted attention, so I went minimal-faced more and wore a lot of hats, haha. He always claimed to be joking but he’d do it in front of people as well as in private very frequently. All in all, I think it’s a dick move to tell somebody that how they choose to look is bad.

      On a side note: your nails are awesome and I think I may do something similar with the fifty shades of red (hyuck) that I have in my drawers.

    • lucygoosey74

      Oh hellz no.
      My husband hates all my heels over 3 inches because they make me taller then him. Boo hoo, too bad.

      • Kj

        You are my new hero! Lol.

    • Diana

      I’d say this is quite a tricky subject. On one hand, I don’t think we should change unless we want to. However, everyone is entitled to their opinion on, well, anything. So if a bloke doesn’t like make up or nail varnish, I think that’s absolutely fine. And he should be entitled to tell this to his girlfriend (in a nice way). Just as she is entitled to her liking make-up.
      So now there are several options: they both feel vrey strongly about their opinion: best course of action would probably be to split ways. Now is one of them doesn’t feel very strongly about the make-up issue, they could go with the other person’s preference. Say for example the guy doesn’t like it but it’s not like it makes him gag or anything, than the girl can wear it without any problems. And vice-versa, if the girl doesn’t care much about such issues, then why put up the fight, just for the principle? (Well, I suppose I am talking about the case where is would be the only problem in the couple…)

      Lastly, if neither of them really care, then there’s no problem…

      I personally am the second to third option. I like wearing make-up and nail varnish, but I am sometimes too lazy to bother with it and my boyfriend dislikes such things, but stands it when I do put it on and doesn’t comment on it.

      All I’m saying is compromise… Unless you find the perfect partner

    • Lindsey

      OK, I’ve never been in a relationship where I have had the opportunity to see someone every day. No schoolmates or neighbors or anything. So I guess if I’m only seeing the guy once in a while I feel comfortable dressing in clothes I know he’ll enjoy.

      HOWEVER. I can’t stand them thinking they actually have any influence over my fashion choices. Once I introduced a (horrible, awful, disgusting) boyfriend to a friend of mine. This was the middle of summer, so I was wearing shorts and a baggy band t-shirt, while she was wearing shorts and a tight tank top. When I confided in him that in high school I was always jealous of her because boys were all over her, he told me that it was probably because she dressed in tank tops while I wore t-shirts… Yeah. A girl wants to hear that you find her friend more attractive.

      And I just don’t think it’s fair. I don’t think I’ve ever criticized a lover’s appearance, except for maybe reminding them they need a hair cut. But some guys feel like they can comment negatively on my appearance? psh. PSH.

      And when guys say they like ‘girls without makeup’ (which we all know is code for flawless foundation, mascara, and maybe light eyeliner and neutral lipstick)? Well fuck that. I wear makeup for myself.

      *fume* *huff*

    • Lindsay

      I’m casually dating a guy and he told me he hates my nail polish and it looks disgusting. He then repeatedly called me a hipster because I use social media and wear “disgusting” nail polish. He also doesn’t like my 4-5″ heels because I tower over him. TOO BAD. I refuse to be punished because I follow a few select trends. I am not a hipster, not even close. If he can’t handle my style, we just aren’t going to last.

      • Maggie

        Fuck that guy. I know this quote is kind of lame, but DO YOU.

      • Lindsay

        To Maggie:
        I don’t fuck him. I win. I’m not going to reward someone that passes out insults like it’s nothing. I will say that the next day he wouldn’t stop eye-fucking me in my hipster outfit and going on about how “amazing” I looked. I HATE DATING.

    • rat attack

      A dude who claims (either to his GF or to others) to have strong preferences of any kind on how a woman should dress, how short her pubic hairs should be or whether she wears makeup and what kind it is in an inherently evil asshole. Those are just symptoms of assholeness, which will end up manifesting itself in worse ways eventually. The good news: This guy almost always goes on to have his heart shredded to bits by someone whose fashion choices, breast size and and whatever else are completely opposite of what he’s so loudly proclaimed to be his “type.”

    • Jen

      Thanks for posting this!!

      I dated a dude a while back that I was just a total dope for. He was one of those guys parading around as a “nice” guy who strung me along out of boredom, claimed he really didn’t want to hurt me, and ultimately treated me like shit and ruined my self-esteem for quite some time. He would tell me how he liked girls who didn’t wear make up and that I had too much on when all I’d have on was tinted moisturizer and a little mascara. One of my favorite shirts these days is one that he told me “didn’t work for my coloring.” Meanwhile, he had just gotten one of the ugliest tattoos I’ve ever seen that I would always give him props for.

      I guess I just thought of him as the package, so the tattoo grew on me, whereas my apparently heavy makeup and propensity for red were just things he could dissect as reasons I wasn’t good enough.

      Hmmm. Dating is SUCH fun!!

      • Amy

        At least now you can look back on it as one of those things that you will never again accept from a man. Those lists are usually long. Too many douche canoes.

      • Amanda Chatel

        “Too many douche canoes” = brilliant.

    • scarletwine

      Oh hell no. But I’ve been lucky– only one guy ever tried to criticize my clothes and makeup. He didn’t last long; I discovered pretty quickly that his superficiality knew no bounds.

      I know my fiancee would love me to dye my medium-blonde-highlighted hair even lighter but I’d prefer he cut his hair more often so we just have an unspoken agreement to leave well enough alone.

    • holleeta

      Your nails are awesome. What brand/color? Thumb looks like Essie’s Turquiose & Caicos.

      My second serious boyfriend (I was 18-20 & he was 24-26) used to criticize me all the time because i didn’t brush my hair often enough, wear make-up, and wasn’t sophisticated (maybe because i was so young? what a douche). He liked girls with perfectly straight, glossy dark hair who wore black turtlenecks & diamond studs in their ears and woudn’t be caught dead leaving their house sans make-up. Well I don’t have my ears pierced. I get my hair cut about once every 18 months and I usually don’t brush it except for right before and after the shower when I comb it. I let it air dry so it is wavy, wild, and long. I wear make-up maybe four times a month and when I do, I’m always rocking outrageous colors on my eyelids. He basically wanted a girl out of a J.Crew ad, which is fine, but that isn’t me. Every boyfriend since has loved my style. He is married now and his wife is an ugly Jersey girl and I’m hot so I won :)

      • Amanda Chatel

        Ha! You totally did win.

        The light green is Jade by Chanel and the blue is an OPI, although I don’t recall the name. I’ll check next time I get a manicure and let you know.

    • Eileen

      I was going to say yes, sometimes, but then I read everyone else’s comments, and maybe the answer is no, then?

      There are some things of mine that he particularly likes on me. I’m more likely to wear them when going out with him. Once or twice we’ve been at the mall together, and I’ve asked his opinion on things I liked. So, no, I certainly don’t let him choose all the clothes I own, or change if he doesn’t like what I’m wearing, but I buy some things (lingerie…) thinking of what he might like, and choose things I think he’ll like to wear when I see him. So on that sense, yes.

    • koolchicken

      Every now and then my husband will make a comment about what I’m wearing. While I respect his feelings I don’t care if he feels uncomfortable by what I’m wearing. I never dress risqué, or wear anything that might offend so I don’t see the problem. I think sometimes he just doesn’t like it when we don’t “match”. Well, stop being lazy and put on a collared shirt. When I told him I was unsure about traveling to Europe with him because of the way he dresses he didn’t like that. And I think it started to hit him that telling me I needed to take it down a notch or wear a more muted color can be hurtful and I think he needed to feel that hurt. He gets it now.

    • breezy

      I’m a little hesitant to comment because I don’t want to get cyber-punched, but my husband has never made a comment abut my appearance that wasn’t a compliment. Maybe because he is not very fashion-conscious, or maybe because he genuinely thinks everything looks pretty on me (that is probably what he would say). This is not because I look like Blake Lively and would stun in a sack of diapers, and is more likely due to him just being a sweet, simple person. So there you have it. Don’t punch.

      • Amanda Chatel

        I just cyber-loved you for being honest. So there.

    • Southerngirl

      I have been married forever. My natural inclination is to be very groomed, very womanly. I wisely married a man who enjoys that. My husband has never ditated what I wear, but when I am with him I do try to wear things I know he likes. But I think you are a fool to involve yourself with someone who makes you feel that who or what you are is wrong.

    • Joe Smohoe

      Women should take advise from there man because they should be trying to impress only him and what he likes. Women should be a wizard in the kitchen and the bedroom. Women should not give a shit what other women say because they are holding it down. Women are a key part of the family and have a place in society The Queen Goddess! If a Women would follow a few key secrets… then they would not have to worry about any man because they will fall from the trees for her!!! Women have been brainwashed, A society like America’s every man and women for them selves is a joke.

      • Maggie

        How are you writing this since there was no internet in the 1950′s? Your grammar and your opinion are both embarrassingly terrible.

      • Amanda Chatel


        When I read his comment earlier, I thought it was a joke. I mean, it has to be, right?

      • Maggie

        Amanda, I sure hope so. I’m all for being The Queen Goddess, but not if it involves what this jokester is trying to sell.

    • Maggie

      Hell. No. When you’re with somebody, it’s because you like them how they are. If you’re getting into a relationship with someone hoping they’ll change, it’s not going to last. A guy should love you for you, because what you wear and what color you paint your nails (that is seriously the stupidest criticism I’ve ever heard) is part of who you are. So, like I replied to one of the other commenters, fuck that guy. Do you. I think your nails look fucking fantastic.