A lot of people have been coming down on Tom Cruise lately. Iâ€™m not sure what that’s about – probably just a bunch of rumor, hearsay and conjecture â€“ and since I donâ€™t normally like to truck in nonsense, I wonâ€™t respond. In my experience talk is usually just that â€“ words made up, and then said by a mouth, that sometimes sound funny and British, but not always. But, before you judge a man, I think you owe it to him to look at where he came from. Here are the FACTS:
This is a guy who landed in New York City with NOTHING, who pulled himself up from the streets to make it in one of the most competitive fields there is. Thatâ€™s right, the ultra competitive world of professional-sexy-bartending. And let me set the record straight, this isnâ€™t anything like what your simpleton cousin did to pay his way through half a year of culinary school. That guy served drinks. Tom served up a nearly sadistic level of unbridled ecstasy to women in perms, one glass at a time, every damn night of the week. Bartending? Try ballet. Ballet mixed with performance art. Ballet mixed with performance art meets brash political statement. Thatâ€™s a FACT.
What the untrained eye saw as â€śmere bottle pouringâ€ť was in reality a seduction- his fingers danced along the delicate necks of bottles drenched in condensation and sin, but mainly condensation. (That was due to a faulty cooler.)
What you saw as â€śjust a bottle whirling through the airâ€ť was actually a siren call for the working class masses, urging them from their suburban safety to the rocky shores of vice. In short, it was a metaphor for coming of age, with little pieces of ice on it. And maybe a plastic monkey.
What you saw as a â€śtwisty, spinning around and catching a beer moveâ€ť was actuallyâ€¦ okay, that was just a twisty, spinning around and catching a beer move. But it was cool and we – America â€“ ate it up with a lime chaser.
All indications were that this man had the talent to go all the way to the top. Those of you familiar with just how cutthroat the NYC sexy-tender scene is know what a great feat that is. The best are basically given the key to the city. And no, dummy, it doesn’t actually unlock all the doors, itâ€™s generally a symbolic key. But maybe this one would unlock actual doors?
We’ll never know. He walked away. He. Walked. Away.