Get Some F*cking Manners: Flossing Your Teeth And Other Don’ts While Dining At A Restaurant

The bathroom exists for reason besides just using the toilet -- in case you were unaware.

You’d think it would go without saying that you should never, ever floss your teeth in anyplace beside a bathroom, but some people just didn’t get that memo. Even if you’re able to floss without a mirror in front of you it does not, under any circumstances, give you the right to floss your teeth while you’re walking down the street, having drinks with friends or at a fucking restaurant! This is never an OK thing to do, and those who do it should be collected and shipped off to an island where they can make that a socially acceptable behavior, because in these parts, we’re not having it.

I arrived at the airport fairly early this past weekend for my flight, and since I hadn’t eaten I saddled on up to one of those pub type places to order a salad and French fries. As I played “Words with Friends” while chomping on my lunch, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the man to the left of me was flossing his teeth. Yes! Right there in public at a place where people were trying to consume their food! Not only that, but after he withdrew the floss he inspected it for, what, I don’t know, chunks of food that perhaps he could save for a snack later? I don’t know! All I did know was that he was raised in a barn and should have just stayed there for the sake of humanity. I mean, what if this dude has kids and this is how he’s teaching them to behave in a restaurant? What if his kids have kids and it just grows and grows, then before we know it we’re living in a world that gives a big thumbs up to such a thing? What if, people?

So for those, like this man, who are missing the manners gene, here are the things you should never do in a restaurant. Tragically, I’ve witnessed all of these being done and it doesn’t get easier every time you’re subjected to it.

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    • Lindsey

      I discreetly wipe my nose at the table almost 100% of the time I’m out to eat. My nose gets runny whenever I eat anything with flavor or heat. Or when I’m full. And cold things, as well. My nose is just food runny. I really don’t know. But it’s usually a tissue in my pocket. But like, if I had to excuse myself from the table every time my nose got runny enough to wipe I would have to leave the table 2-3 times over the course of a normal dinner.

      What’s grosser than that? People who don’t tip well.

      • Amanda Chatel

        OMG. My nose ALWAYS gets runny when I eat for the same reasons — I thought I was alone. I, too, keep a tissue and very discretely dab it as I turn my head away.

        As for people who don’t tip well, that’s an entire rant unto itself… that is the worst of the worst.

      • Amy

        Double OMG (OMG) my nose does that too. I keep tissue in my purse and just do subtle dabs. I would love to blow my nose, but nobody needs to hear that when they’re eating.

    • L

      this article is so appropriately timed! my friend and i were traveling home from vacation this weekend (sad, i know) and we were grabbing some food at the food court in the airport, and there was an employee handing out tooth pics and he left a few at our table. my immediate thought was OMG WHO THE FUCK WOULD DO THAT IN PUBLIC? not 5 seconds later did my friend pick it up and start picking at his teeth. when i told him my feelings on the subject he was like no, that’s totally normal. im glad to see others are equally as repulsed by this.

      • Amanda Chatel

        I’m so sorry that happened to you! I’m also sorry I read that just before dinner.

    • Breezy

      I’m with you on everything except for the shoes. Are there exceptions? What if it’s a very nice lady with cute, well-maintained, nice-smelling feet who just really, REALLY hates shoes?

      • Amanda Chatel

        Only at a picnic!

    • Nancy

      The flossing one is the most disgusting, that shit flies everywhere. Honestly didn’t think about the toothpick thing before though, I’m just so used to people giving you toothpicks at restaurants…although come to think of it that doesn’t happen as much as it did when I was a kid. Anyway, I shall move it to the bathroom from now on!
      I’m still taking off my shoes on occasion though! Only when my feet are very miserable. I can see how it’s rude, though, but I’ve had those days on vacations, especially, where I’ve been walking all day and didn’t realize how bad my shoe were for it. My feet were so much tougher when I was a kid and used to walk everwhere in bare feet. :( good times

    • Lindy

      My mother started clipping her fingernails at the table while we waited for our food. I gave her a disgusted look and quietly said, “Oh my God, can you wait until you get home to do that? You’re so uncouth.”