Friends Don’t Let Friends Date Douchebags

The Situation Jersey ShoreI have an absolutely wonderful and amazing ladyfriend who is getting back into the dating game after ending a relationship that lasted for more than a decade. Well, she’s not calling it “dating” just yet. She’s agreeing to speak to members of the opposite sex in a flirtatious nature. She’s warming to the idea of getting drinks or catching a movie or maybe even making out in the back of a bar.

I’m really excited to see my friend, let’s just call her Ann*, start to consider relationships and men and the possibility of someday finding another person that she can be happy with. Right now she just refers to it as “hanging out,” but I think that’s understandable.

So, yay for Ann, right! We should definitely sign her up for The Gloss Dating.

There’s just one little problem. As we sat over lunch talking about her big step forward, Ann whipped out her phone to show me the picture of the first guy she’s considered “hanging out” with. She pulled up his Facebook profile to show me his picture. That’s when I did a quick double-take.

“Why doesn’t he have his shirt on? Why would a grown man have a picture of himself shirtless as his profile picture?” I was amazed that anyone out of college would consider this appropriate.

“I wondered that,” my friend admitted. “I guess he really likes to work out,” she explained.

In that minute, I started thinking back to any man I knew who would do such a thing. I started to get a little worried about my dear friend’s new flirting partner, the guy who was texting her nonstop into the wee hours of the night. There’s something juvenile is posting a half-naked picture of yourself to show off on Facebook, and keeping the thing as your profile. It’s like when my friends and I came back from spring break in high school and posted bikini pictures. We knew we were doing it for attention, we just didn’t care. How many grown men need that immature kind of attention?

At my surprise about the profile picture, my friend started relaying some other troubling information. “He really wants pit bulls,” she said nervously. Ann fosters dogs that have been rescued until they can find suitable homes. It’s a great program run by a local kennel so that animals aren’t euthanized at the pound. “Like, not rescue pit bulls. He wants to get pit bull puppies. That made me a little nervous,” she admitted.

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    • Nancy

      Wow, I can’t believe there are guys where you are that do the EXACT same stuff as douchebags here. Ask her if he also has a Scarface poster!

    • Nancy

      Oops! I pressed enter too soon! Honeslty though, there’s nothing wrong with her trying him out, but I think you’re right about him being immature, so maybe you should just tell her that he’s immature. He’s playing so deeply into a stereotype that it seems like he still doesn’t know himself very well so he’s just doing things he thinks makes people badass. I wouldn’t want to go with him.

    • Amanda

      It sounds like your friend has good instincts, she just needs to learn how to trust them. That’s hard to do after coming out of such a long relationship.

      • Miss Truth Hurts

        @Amanda people like you are ALWAYS making up excuses for weak minded individuals who constantly make stupid decisions. You’re an ENABLER. Whether just getting out of a bad relationship or not how does that excuse an ADULT from doing dumb sh**t? It was a relationship mot MK-ULTRA CAMP….@Linsey Cross: It’s not the Douchbags who are f**cked up it’s the women who date them. How do you figure this “friend”of yours is so much better than the shirtless douchebag? It’s like those people who talk bad about their Ex’s but YET they stayed in a relationship with those so-called f’d up people for as long as they did….FOH! *smh*

    • Lastango

      Of course I don’t know Ann, but Lindsay’s account makes me wonder if her dating is getting ahead of her thinking. If she was my friend, to help get the mental ball rolling I might ask her about her goals and priorities. Once she verbalizes her yardsticks she’ll be better able sort the men that suit her from those who don’t. That’s especially important if she feels under pressure to make something happen because she’s been on ice for 10+ years.

      I’m not saying she should over-intellectualize it, though. Dating should be fun, and not every guy she goes out with has to be an obvious Mr. Right. That said, I think dating a douche is a destructive waste of time — emotionally draining, sometimes traumatic, and always disappointing. Even worse, it can lead to despair that saps her energy for the mating game. If it creeps into her mind that she might have to settle for one of these perpetual schoolboys she might hide in her closet for years.

      Like commenter Nancy, I’m very concerned about the badass posturing. People like that get pitbulls to intimidate other people. If that’s his value system, he’s a lost cause.

    • Marissa

      Ten bucks says he has something Ed Hardy that’s not just a t-shirt. My guess is shot glasses.

    • Sabrina

      I really dislike douchebags. They’re awful. Just so awful.

    • Amy

      I knew a guy who had a shirtless photo as his profile pic (muscles fully flexed, perma-tan on show, but in a faux casual ‘this is me just walking’ pose, same photo for over 6 months and counting). He was the biggest fucking asshole douchebag I have ever had the misfortune to know. Sometimes you really can judge people on a picture alone.

    • Suze

      I dunno about this situation. Your friend said she wasn’t looking for anything serious. Maybe she just wants a hot f*** buddy. I think you’re being a little too concerned about your friend’s dating life. It’s really none of your business. Just because he’s not YOUR type doesn’t mean she can’t date him. As long as the guy isn’t a rapist or axe murder, who cares if she wants to roll around in bed with him a few times.

      • Realist UK

        Got to agree with Suze – show concern, but credit your friend with some intelligence. Maybey she is just looking for some fun and a few exciting flings with a few hot bods before she considers someone more serious. Okay – so his knuckles may be a bit close to the ground and his family may not have learnt to make fire yet, but , if it’s nothing serious, chill. Let her explore, enjoy and have some fun with her new found singledom for a while, until she is ready to seek a Mr Right again.