Friends Don’t Let Friends Date Douchebags

So now we have the muscle show-off and a propensity for traditionally aggressive animals. (I realize that pit bulls are awesome dogs that have been misrepresented. I know that the dog is what you make it, it’s not naturally vicious at all. But some people still get pit bulls specifically because they believe that they are aggressive.)

Then came the real coup de grâce for me. “He’s also has something else going on with another girl at work.” This time Ann sounded a little embarrassed to admit it. She knew how the whole picture sounded. To be fair, their company employs hundreds of people. “How many people at work has he dated?” I asked. “A handful,” she replied.

So half-naked Facebook profile, pit bulls, and dating multiple women at your place of business. Call me judgmental if you must, but at that point I felt like I could sufficiently label him a douchebag. In fact, I felt like I knew he was a douchebag from the minute I saw that stupid picture of him flexing but trying to look like he wasn’t flexing. After all the other information I was given, that seemed like a pretty good indication of the person we were taking about here.

I made a face that immediately told Ann I was worried. She said, “So you’re saying I shouldn’t go watch Fight Club with him, apparently it’s his favorite movie.” Of course it was his favorite movie. Of course he had a poster from the movie in his apartment. Just of course.

“I don’t know darling…” I stumbled. I was really excited for Ann to be getting herself back out there. Ann is amazing and her ex, who seemed really great, turned in to a huge douchebag. Where was all the judginess back then to say that her thoughtful and intelligent ex was going to morph into a really terrible human being? “I should keep my mouth shut.” That’s what I kept thinking, “Just keep your mouth shut.”

But I didn’t. I couldn’t. “Ann, I feel like there’s so much better out there for you. And if he’s dating someone else in your office, won’t that make things awkward?” That was probably my most legitimate objection. It felt like the safest to go with. I tried to stick with the workplace dram angle.

“I’m not looking for a committed anything right now either though,” Ann said. It was true and I knew it. There was a possibility that she would start talking to someone else at her company, given that there are hundreds of them. That wouldn’t make her a bad person.

“He’s not wearing a shirt in his Facebook profile and he’s over the age of 22,” I ended up blurting out. “You can’t date someone who wants to represent themselves to the world with no shirt and what looks to be a tanning bed addiction.”

I want my friend to be happy. I’m excited for her to go out and meet people who make her happy. But as a friend, I still feel protective of her. I still feel like it’s my job to make sure her heart doesn’t get broken again, no matter how ridiculous that is. I love her.

The douchebag has now changed his profile picture.

(Photo: Johnny Louis/

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    • Nancy

      Wow, I can’t believe there are guys where you are that do the EXACT same stuff as douchebags here. Ask her if he also has a Scarface poster!

    • Nancy

      Oops! I pressed enter too soon! Honeslty though, there’s nothing wrong with her trying him out, but I think you’re right about him being immature, so maybe you should just tell her that he’s immature. He’s playing so deeply into a stereotype that it seems like he still doesn’t know himself very well so he’s just doing things he thinks makes people badass. I wouldn’t want to go with him.

    • Amanda

      It sounds like your friend has good instincts, she just needs to learn how to trust them. That’s hard to do after coming out of such a long relationship.

      • Miss Truth Hurts

        @Amanda people like you are ALWAYS making up excuses for weak minded individuals who constantly make stupid decisions. You’re an ENABLER. Whether just getting out of a bad relationship or not how does that excuse an ADULT from doing dumb sh**t? It was a relationship mot MK-ULTRA CAMP….@Linsey Cross: It’s not the Douchbags who are f**cked up it’s the women who date them. How do you figure this “friend”of yours is so much better than the shirtless douchebag? It’s like those people who talk bad about their Ex’s but YET they stayed in a relationship with those so-called f’d up people for as long as they did….FOH! *smh*

    • Lastango

      Of course I don’t know Ann, but Lindsay’s account makes me wonder if her dating is getting ahead of her thinking. If she was my friend, to help get the mental ball rolling I might ask her about her goals and priorities. Once she verbalizes her yardsticks she’ll be better able sort the men that suit her from those who don’t. That’s especially important if she feels under pressure to make something happen because she’s been on ice for 10+ years.

      I’m not saying she should over-intellectualize it, though. Dating should be fun, and not every guy she goes out with has to be an obvious Mr. Right. That said, I think dating a douche is a destructive waste of time — emotionally draining, sometimes traumatic, and always disappointing. Even worse, it can lead to despair that saps her energy for the mating game. If it creeps into her mind that she might have to settle for one of these perpetual schoolboys she might hide in her closet for years.

      Like commenter Nancy, I’m very concerned about the badass posturing. People like that get pitbulls to intimidate other people. If that’s his value system, he’s a lost cause.

    • Marissa

      Ten bucks says he has something Ed Hardy that’s not just a t-shirt. My guess is shot glasses.

    • Sabrina

      I really dislike douchebags. They’re awful. Just so awful.

    • Amy

      I knew a guy who had a shirtless photo as his profile pic (muscles fully flexed, perma-tan on show, but in a faux casual ‘this is me just walking’ pose, same photo for over 6 months and counting). He was the biggest fucking asshole douchebag I have ever had the misfortune to know. Sometimes you really can judge people on a picture alone.

    • Suze

      I dunno about this situation. Your friend said she wasn’t looking for anything serious. Maybe she just wants a hot f*** buddy. I think you’re being a little too concerned about your friend’s dating life. It’s really none of your business. Just because he’s not YOUR type doesn’t mean she can’t date him. As long as the guy isn’t a rapist or axe murder, who cares if she wants to roll around in bed with him a few times.

      • Realist UK

        Got to agree with Suze – show concern, but credit your friend with some intelligence. Maybey she is just looking for some fun and a few exciting flings with a few hot bods before she considers someone more serious. Okay – so his knuckles may be a bit close to the ground and his family may not have learnt to make fire yet, but , if it’s nothing serious, chill. Let her explore, enjoy and have some fun with her new found singledom for a while, until she is ready to seek a Mr Right again.