So now we have the muscle show-off and a propensity for traditionally aggressive animals. (I realize that pit bulls are awesome dogs that have been misrepresented. I know that the dog is what you make it, it’s not naturally vicious at all. But some people still get pit bulls specifically because they believe that they are aggressive.)
Then came the real coup de grâce for me. “He’s also has something else going on with another girl at work.” This time Ann sounded a little embarrassed to admit it. She knew how the whole picture sounded. To be fair, their company employs hundreds of people. “How many people at work has he dated?” I asked. “A handful,” she replied.
So half-naked Facebook profile, pit bulls, and dating multiple women at your place of business. Call me judgmental if you must, but at that point I felt like I could sufficiently label him a douchebag. In fact, I felt like I knew he was a douchebag from the minute I saw that stupid picture of him flexing but trying to look like he wasn’t flexing. After all the other information I was given, that seemed like a pretty good indication of the person we were taking about here.
I made a face that immediately told Ann I was worried. She said, “So you’re saying I shouldn’t go watch Fight Club with him, apparently it’s his favorite movie.” Of course it was his favorite movie. Of course he had a poster from the movie in his apartment. Just of course.
“I don’t know darling…” I stumbled. I was really excited for Ann to be getting herself back out there. Ann is amazing and her ex, who seemed really great, turned in to a huge douchebag. Where was all the judginess back then to say that her thoughtful and intelligent ex was going to morph into a really terrible human being? “I should keep my mouth shut.” That’s what I kept thinking, “Just keep your mouth shut.”
But I didn’t. I couldn’t. “Ann, I feel like there’s so much better out there for you. And if he’s dating someone else in your office, won’t that make things awkward?” That was probably my most legitimate objection. It felt like the safest to go with. I tried to stick with the workplace dram angle.
“I’m not looking for a committed anything right now either though,” Ann said. It was true and I knew it. There was a possibility that she would start talking to someone else at her company, given that there are hundreds of them. That wouldn’t make her a bad person.
“He’s not wearing a shirt in his Facebook profile and he’s over the age of 22,” I ended up blurting out. “You can’t date someone who wants to represent themselves to the world with no shirt and what looks to be a tanning bed addiction.”
I want my friend to be happy. I’m excited for her to go out and meet people who make her happy. But as a friend, I still feel protective of her. I still feel like it’s my job to make sure her heart doesn’t get broken again, no matter how ridiculous that is. I love her.
The douchebag has now changed his profile picture.
(Photo: Johnny Louis/WENN.com)