• Mon, Jul 16 2012

According To Sources, Kim Kardashian Was Once A Virgin

I know it may seem hard to believe, but once upon a time Kim Kardashian was an unscathed flower as new as the dawn’s light cascading on a flowing river of innocence. Contrary to reports that may have suggested otherwise, Kimmy came into the world just as virgin-esque as the rest of us. It may seem a bit confusing because no one even knew who she was until her sex tape with Ray J. became fodder for the media, but Kardashian’s former nanny, Pam Behan, is claiming that at the wee age of 14, Kimmy lost it to Michael Jackson‘s nephew T.J. Jackson. Hollywood love stories are always the best!

Since the world apparently can’t get enough of those Kardashian people, Behan thought it an appropriate time to release a “tell-all” book, Malibu Nanny, in which she drops bombshells and relays stories that nannies usually agree to keep to themselves. Ms. Malibu Barbie, er, Nanny also contends that Kris Jenner knew all about the relationship and the fact that Kim was having sex at such a young age. Well, of course she did! She was the one who choreographed the whole Ray J. sex tape stunt! Does this Behan person think that we’re halfwits or something? I mean, come on!

One may think that the most exciting bit about all this is that Kim banged a member of the Jackson family, but really it’s the fact that she was once a virgin! Seriously. Is it not shocking news? Are you not blown to bits as you sit there drinking your coffee at your desk trying to decide between sushi or salad for lunch?

Now that the truth has been revealed, I bet we can expect an appearance by T.J. on Kim’s show. There’s nothing quite like throwing the guy who took your v-card under the bus for the sake of ratings. Then throw Kanye in the mix for extra drama, Kim’s fake tears and you’ve got yourself some world class record-breaking reality show ratings right there.

 

Photo: Wenn.com

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