• Mon, Jul 16 2012

Video: Sarah Silverman Offers To Scissor Romney’s Biggest Donor, For Obama

You guys, I have a confession to make: I don’t find Sarah Silverman all that funny anymore. Sure, I enjoyed getting stoned and watching Jesus Is Magic when it came out in theaters, but since then I’ve found her to be a bit of a one-trick pony whose whole schtick is “cute, faux-naive woman-child says ridiculously dirty things in a cute voice, P.S. I’M JEWISH!” I realize this is not a terribly uncommon opinion to hold.

However, I couldn’t help smiling a little when I saw her “indecent proposal” video for Sheldon Adelson in which she offers to scissor him if he gives $100 billion to Barack Obama instead of Mitt Romney, because:

1.) Republicans pretend not to know what scissoring is, but they totally do. In fact, it might be the only thing they know about lesbians.

2.) Sarah attempts to demonstrate the sexual act in question on her poor, put upon chihuahua, Doug.

3.) It slyly calls attention to the amount of support Mitt Romney is receiving from billionaires. (Granted, wealthy people give lots of money to Obama, too.)

4.) It demonstrates that Sarah Silverman cares sincerely about something besides poop and abortion jokes.

5.) “TRADITIONAL LESBIAN SEX!!!”

I will argue her on one point, though, and that point is this: when she asks “how many [billionaires] are getting scissored by a bikini bottomed Jewess with big naturals?”, I’m pretty sure the answer is “all the ones who want to.” As priceless an experience as I’m sure that is, it doesn’t even approach the boundaries of what you can buy in America. Especially in Adelson’s native Las Vegas, if the sexy business cards that flood that town’s streets like confetti are to be believed. On a related note, I am currently accepting scissoring-related indecent proposals to benefit the Jamie Peck Early Retirement On A Boat Fund.

(Via Youtube)

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  • BMur

    They’re both bought and paid for by Goldman Sachs. Voting for either of the two parties is voting for the oligarchy. It’s cute to watch rich people pretend their chosen fellow rich person is superior to the other fellow rich person.

    • Jamie Peck

      I do not necessarily disagree! I feel less like I have a horse in this race with each passing day.

  • Eileen

    What is scissoring?

    (No, seriously, I don’t know and I’m afraid of googling it because googling sex acts has never ended well for me)

    • Jamie Peck

      Watch the video! Hahaha.
      Basically, it’s when you put your legs on either side of each other’s and rub your genitals together. Here’s the wikipedia entry on it:
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribadism

    • Eileen

      Thank you! On consideration, that probably would’ve been safe to google. Still, thanks for the link/explanation.

  • Joseph marcucilli

    Sheldon, being a casino owner, has no problem finding hookers since he is being investigated for pimping them at his casino operations.Or was it organized crime they were investigating, well it could be two investigations.

  • SteveO

    Jamie, I recently retired to a boat, young. It’s every bit as good as you think and a lot less expensive than you might imagine. google Cruising On $500.00 A Month for some ideas.
    Good article, thanks.

    • Jamie Peck

      I would rather you just tell me how right here. I’m a busy woman.

  • Amy

    Her dog looks like a zombie.

  • Daynette

    She is gross.