7 Ways To Make Internet Commenters Hate You

Today a commenter suggested I do a post called “When Is It Not OK To Act Like A Pretentious A-Hole,” in response to my being the usual hothead I am and knocking people for their “mediocre” taste in music. Have you seen my behavior in the comment section sometimes? I either love you or I want to strangle you, but either way, I respect you for taking the time to comment and create a dialogue. When I respond, either pretentiously (as this commenter pointed out — hi Jany!) or kindly, it is coming from a place where I’m more grateful than not that people are reading and either getting riled up or getting the joke. As I’ve pointed out before, if you’re being pushed to comment in either direction, then this microphone is on and you’re hearing me — whether or not you like it.

However, dealing with commenters sometimes can be a real bitch. If you’re having a bad day and someone goes straight for the jugular, it really hurts. Other times people are so off point, that even their attempts at being mean just come off as really entertaining. After writing on the Internet for a couple years, I feel there are three camps of people out there when it comes to those who read stuff online:

1) Those who read the Internet for the fluff it is, then go on with their day. These are also the people who, if they comment, make a joke, include “HAHA” in there somewhere and tend to call me “Chatel.” I love you guys.

2) Those who read it, take everything seriously and all but throw feces at the wall when something doesn’t match up with their opinions on something. These are the people who either comment in long tirades with their version of facts, that may or may not be accurate, or just simply tell me I suck. That’s cool, I do suck [insert sexual joke here.] I love you guys, too, in a weird masochistic way.

3) Then there are those who are through and through “trolls” who don’t necessarily read an article, but just read the comments section and start throwing around stuff that doesn’t make any sense. These are people who basically jump on the “you’re a fucking useless blogger” bandwagon, and have zero regard for what’s being discussed. These are also the people whom I would like to line up and ask: “Would you comment that way to the blogger’s face? If you didn’t get to hide behind the Internet, would you still be so hateful?” I don’t like you guys. You’re meaner than me and that’s not cool.

As someone who, for reasons I can’t figure out, actually reads every single comment, I can confirm that it’s not easy. My looks, my intelligence, my family, my relationships with people and my decisions have all been insulted. I have also received some pretty scary threats that were sent directly to my email when I wrote about my abortion and the Westboro Baptist Church was kind enough to hit me up on Twitter and call me a whore. That was fun! Seriously, it was.

I could lie to you and say it doesn’t bother me. I could claim I’ve never once shaken with fury or tears, but since I do write from the heart and am very honest about my personal life, I’ll tell you right now: yeah, you’ve made me cry — congratulations! Granted, it’s only days that already sucked, but still it happens. So what have commenters taught me? I’d like to say patience and acceptance, but no. Internet commenters have just taught me how to make them hate me more. I feel like I should teach a class in it.


Photo: Conde Nast

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    • Jen

      Bahahahaha! That picture of the disgusted-looking husky made me laugh until I almost peed. I love it so much.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Finding that dog was the highlight of my day.

    • Chatterly

      Amanda– Thank you for this post it cracked me up and made me think, as your pieces usually do.

      As a fellow blogger I’ve gotten the “fat” comment many times by a particular commenter, and she (I assume it’s a she) also has started using a new descriptor saying I’m a “virgin” or “fat virgin”

      In real life, I’m not a fat-virgin, but it is nice to see my hate commenter start to mix it up a bit. ;) It’s kind of funny as niether of those words should be used as derision, right?

      Thanks for the laugh, love you and your work!

      • Amanda Chatel

        You’re welcome!

        Fat virgin, huh? That’s REALLY funny and totally something out of Clueless: “You’re a virgin who can’t drive.”

        It always seems to be the same few over and over again… I try my best not to comment back, but I always have to have the last word!

      • Chatterly

        LOL Yeah I just let it slide and sing:

        “Rollin’ with the homies” to simmer down

    • Sarah

      Hi Amanda,

      I know this is incredibly random, but I’d love to copyedit for The Gloss, and maybe Crushable and Blisstree as well, if they need it. I interned Blisstree a few years ago, and have been reading all the blogs ever since. I love all of them! Let me know, I’d gladly send a resume and cover letter.



      • Amanda Chatel

        Hey Sarah!

        You should totally email Jennifer about it! As a freelancer, I don’t get to hang around the office and make decisions.


        PS. And it wasn’t random at all that you suggested it.

    • Jenn

      Hi There,

      I almost never comment on things but I compulsively read the comments on the news sight I read (I’m Canadian so cbc.ca). I can’t seem to help myself despite the fact that it is VERY bad for my blood pressure and every time I ask myself why I do it… It is truly amazing how ignorant people can be! I do not understand why on earth they feel the need to be such jerks, if I don’t like someone’s writing or opinion, I don’t read them! (and by the way, I love your posts!)

      Anyways the real reason I am commenting this time is that I found that same picture of the sneering husky that says “You’re a special kind of stupid, aren’t you?”. It amuses me to no end and is my desktop background at work…


      • Amanda Chatel

        Jenn, you are fantastic person… and not just because of your love for the awesome husky.

      • Jenn

        Thanks! Back at ya!

    • Jaclyn

      I actually very rarely comment, but I thought it would be appropriate to comment on this. I read this site almost every day, and I’m definitely in the “internet fluff” category. I wouldn’t necessarily do everything you say and do, but I’m certainly not offended by any of it.

      That being said, I find I can always pick out which are your pieces before I read them because the titles always seem deliberately controversial. I think your stories are interesting and you write well, but I often find myself rolling my eyes thinking “stop being so desperate for attention!”.

      I don’t mean that I think you should be editting yourself. Not at all. I thought it was extremely brave when you talked about your abortion, in particular. It just seems to me that you are struggling with balancing your talent with the idea that something controversial will probably get more page views.

      Also, I think the trolls seek you out because it seems like you are being so blatant about provoking them. You have talked openly about your struggles with depression and I wonder if you aren’t looking for confirmation that there is something wrong with you- that you are stupid and shitty and a “useless blogger”. I wonder if maybe you feel it justifies your depression issues when people say negative things, and that is why you seem to try to attract that kind of attention.

      Fuck. This got really fucking Dr. Phil, didn’t it? Anyway. I do like your writing and I always read your stories. I just think you can tell them in a way (and title them in a way!) that doesn’t scream at the trolls to pick you apart.

      • Amanda Chatel

        It’s not so much an attention thing, but more of the fact that I like to share personal parts of my life so as to be relatable to readers. I don’t have many regrets and I write the way I talk — painfully candid.

        But you SO got Dr. Phil toward the end there and it was awesome! Also I’ve suffered with depression long before I started writing so openly for all of these people… and I’m actually in really great place lately so I can’t use them as a crutch even if I wanted to do so.

        PS. Page views is what keeps these blogs going! So yeah, I go above and beyond sometimes with the titles, but it’s the name of the game and I like the game… sometimes.

        Thanks for the great comment, Jaclyn.

    • Jon

      amanda, i don’t hate you but i understand why others would. i mean you’re easily one of the more outspoken bloggers on here and the fact that you’re really candid about a lot of your shit makes it inevitable that you’ll get haters.

    • Maegan

      Hi Amanda,
      This post seems as good as any to tell you that I’m addicted to reading the gloss and your posts in particular. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be as honest as you (I’m a little jealous actually) in your writing and I’m always intrigued by what you have to say. All that to inform you that this commenter thinks you’re awesome and appreciates the thought you put into your posts.

      Also, I think you’re hilarious :)


      • Amanda Chatel

        Thank you! It’s so nice that someone besides my therapist thinks I’m funny!

    • Sunshine

      Chatel, I read everything you write on The Gloss, but I rarely comment. Just wanted to say I love you. I love that you don’t dilute your personality to be more PC. You’re not fat and you’re not ugly. You are rad.

      • Amanda Chatel

        I love you too Sunshine! Thank you!

      • Sunshine

        Ah you wrote back! This made my day :)

    • holleeta

      The first time I’d ever been to The Gloss was to read your article on your abortion. It was like 4am and of course I wasn’t sleeping and somehow I found you. So thanks for writing that article because you are THE ONLY blogger I read regularly.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Well, based on your comments I think we’re pretty often on the same page about things. We also both love Lombardi’s so I think that says a lot… at least about standards.

      • holleeta

        Yes, we both appear to be snobs.

    • endn

      haha! chatel…

    • Renee

      Man, people who comment on the internet are the worst!

      Oh, wait…

      I did not know that you guys didn’t have a copy editor! I noticed mistakes (never wasted my time by commenting on them) and this totally explains it. I was actually giving the imaginary internet stink eye to your non-existent copy editor for doing a bad job! Speaking of which, is this a job you might be hiring for in the future ? >_>

      • Amanda Chatel

        You’re right… people who comment on the internet are HORRIBLE human beings. UNLESS you fall into the first category, of course… which I think is where we find you most of the time, right?

        As for the copyeditor, email Jen! I don’t know what the deal is with that, but I can confirm that most blogs out there do NOT have them because we do pump out so many posts a day and it would be nearly impossible for a copyeditor — one anyway — to keep up.

        Her email is at the end of all her posts, but I’ll make it easy for you: jennifer@thegloss.com

        Merci, Renee!

    • Cate

      Every time you say you read all your comments, it makes me feel like less of a weirdo for reading all my comments.

      I have said it before, but I’ll say it again: I really, really love your articles. I don’t always agree with you, but even when I don’t I respect the way you present your opinions, and I love the raw nakedness of all your writing.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Well considering the topics we both cover, it’s kinda hard not to read all the comments because there’s almost this sick fascination to see what creative insult someone might come up with next.

        I really, really love your articles, too, Cate! I hope you end up writing even more for us. And who cares if we don’t always agree, it can make for an educated debate — well, with you it would, with others I’d just be called a “dumb cunt,” then I’d cry and kick a pillow.

        “Raw nakedness” has to be one of my favorite compliments ever. Thank you.