When I was a kid, my family frequently discussed how much I loved broccoli. “Not like George Bush!” they exclaimed, “Not like George Bush.” For people who are not my immediate relatives, George Bush (the first one) said in a press conference in 1990 that “I do not like broccoli, and I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it, and I’m President of the United States, and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.”
This is maybe the most endearing comment ever. This is also probably why I began voting liberal later in life. Because broccoli is delicious.
And I did love it growing up. Though growing up, my mom just microwaved it and melted a slice of American cheese on it. We’ve already covered that, while WASPs have all kinds of George Bush jokes, they do not really have much in the way of cooking skills. Anyhow, broccoli microwaved with melted Kraft cheese – I can’t really do that anymore. I don’t know why. Because I’m elitist. Because I’m a food snob. Because New York and the roasted broccoli at City Bakery have ruined me.
I don’t even recognize the real America. It’s just amber waves of Kraft singles, I guess.
But I do recognize a good recipe for broccoli when I find one!
And, oh, I’ve found one. You don’t actually need that much for it. This is what the basic ingredients look like all laid out on top of a stove (you’re going to want to have some 2 year old Peeps candy resting atop it for decoration. That’s how I do it).
Get your oven pre-heated to 450 degrees. This takes around 15 minutes (or it does on mine. Are all happy ovens the same?) so during that time you can… shower. I don’t know what else. Work? I guess people have hobbies. Words with Friends? People seem to enjoy that.
I don’t know how Words With Friends works, really, but I will say I’m pretty terrible at Scrabble. I don’t like pondering options for too long so every one of my submissions is along the lines of “dog”. I just play “dog” over and over, but damn, I throw those tiles down with enthusiasm.
So you could do that. Or shower.
And then, you could return and lay out all the things you will need. You will need (in order):
Tinfoil (optional but extremely helpful)
Two heads of broccoli (they seem to come in bunches of three, I like to use two at a time. This means I buy two bunches at a time, so it works out perfectly. But I don’t know what your eating habits are like. You could be one of those people who say “I ate three baby carrots once and I was so full.” I’m not one of those people. If you’re one of those people maybe you should only use one bunch).
Balsamic vinegar (this is DIFFERENT than regular vinegar, as I found out).
A clove of garlic
Now, let this exciting journey commence!