Learning To Cook Reluctantly: Broccoli Is Probably Why I Vote Obama

So now that you’ve tossed those florets in your normal-human-priced olive oil, which, by the way, tastes identical to crazy-expensive-olive-oil you should scatter them on a pan lined with tinfoil like so:

Once you’ve done that, toss a pinch of salt and pepper on them. You could also mix it in when they’re in the bowl, but I think this way you get to fling spices around a little bit more.Then put the broccoli in the oven and leave it there for approximately 10 minutes, or, as long as it takes you to chop garlic.

Chopping garlic feels like it takes a million years though, and is awful. It’s because garlic comes encased in this weird papery shell that you have to peel off to get to the… garlic meat? Is that a thing? You know what I mean. You have to rip off its outside bit as you would a papery coconut.

I can only assume it is this way because there is no God or intelligent design.

Here is what chopping garlic looks like:

You are going to want to chop enough of it to fill 1/4 a cup.

When you’ve done that, dump the garlic into a bowl.

Then fill 1/4 a cup full of chopped walnuts. You can buy them pre-chopped, thank God. Then toss them in the same bowl with the chopped garlic.

It can be the same bowl you used earlier to toss the broccoli and olive oil if you hate cleaning.

Then, I like to add a drizzle of olive oil over the walnuts and garlic. I have no idea if this does anything. I just fling $50 olive oil around like some glorious Greek god, though.

Like Demeter, I guess.

Here is what it looks like:

After you’ve done that, take the broccoli out of the oven (about ten minutes should have passed). Stir it around a bit so it does not stick to the tinfoil and can brown on all sides. Then take the garlic and walnuts which you have drizzled olive oil on (perhaps completely unnecessarily) and dump it on top of the broccoli on the pan. You can add another pinch of salt if you’re into that. It will look like this:

Put it back in the oven for another 5 to 10 minutes, depending upon how brown you like your broccoli. Then take it out. Wear a mitt! Wear an oven mitt! Pick up the tinfoil and – holding both sides – allow it to form a slide so the broccoli can just fall into a bowl. Then add one spoonful of olive oil, and two spoonfuls of Parmesan cheese. Stir it all together. It takes delicious:

Maybe if someone had made this for Bush he wouldn’t have alienated all of the broccoli farmers. I don’t know, though. Maybe yes.


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    • Holden

      From now on, whenever I’m feeling down, I’m going to think to myself “garlic meat.”

    • Tania

      Garlic tip: squish the cloves before peeling them. You can either use the heel oh your hand, or a wide knife blade (avoiding the edge, obviously). It breaks the peel and makes it easier to remove.

    • Lauren9739

      Well this sounds freakin delicious. I will be making this on Sunday, the only day of the week I cook. The rest of the week I eat the leftovers of what I cooked on Sunday. I spend a lot of time cooking and not eating on Sundays…

    • Fabel

      That looks extremely delicious & may be a thing I will actually try making. For the garlic chopping, you could use this http://iweb.cooking.com/images/products/enlarge/189349e.jpg (which I guess is also used for crushing ginger?) It’s still kind of horrible, but not quite as horrible as chopping?

    • Eagle Eye

      If you really want to become a cooking snob, ditch the morton salt girl and start using kosher or sea salt, it’s so much saltier and flakier and generally melts better into your dishes.

      Also, get a pepper grinder and buy pepper corns in bulk.

      Its also tastier.

    • Renee

      There isn’t really regulation for the purity of olive oil, so you might be getting olive oil that is blended with a cheaper kind when you buy the at the grocery store. So sometimes it is better to go to a specialty store, but $50 is still too much.

    • Sean

      I used to love broccoli when I was little because I could pretend I was a huge dinosaur and I was eating little trees.

      I still secretly pretend that. I just don’t make the roar sounds anymore.

      …out loud.

      • Jennifer Wright

        Oh my god. How did no one tell Bush this? It could have changed everything.