• Fri, Jul 27 2012

Hey Everyone! I’m Sorta, Kinda Giving Up Drinking For 30 Days: Week Three

My last birthday... we smuggled in four bottles of Veuve Clicquot. (That dude behind me is just photo-bombing my shit.)

Well, I cracked. The deal is I’m human and after spending some quality time in the ER yesterday for an eye infection, I decided I needed some wine. Granted, it was only one glass, but in addition to the painkillers, the antibiotics and the Xanax I had taken earlier in the day to deal with the stress that most likely brought on the eye situation in the first place, I may have well consumed two bottles of wine. I was that out of my mind, not sloppily out of my mind, but I did cry because of how “happy” I am in my life. I then got chatty with my sister’s neighbors, but mostly just because I thought that they might want to know how happy I am, too.

I had been doing so well, but after this past week all I wanted was a fucking glass of wine. Between the eye infection that hurt almost as much as getting my tattoos, and the health-related issues that are going on with my brother-in-law’s sister, things have been difficult and really sad. I’m also extremely homesick for New York City, and have already started scheduling dates and events to go to with my friends from pretty much the very moment I get off the plane.

Overall it’s been a somber week, and with the realization that Tattoo Guy is shit on top of all of it, I can confirm this has been one of the shittiest weeks in a long time. So there you have it, I fucked up, had some wine and with my medication, I definitely qualified as being drunk in the middle of the afternoon. I sobered up by dinner time, but considering how great I was feeling before that, I was tempted to have another glass of wine and enjoy the ride again. But I did pass on that idea, so that’s at least something.

I’d say I’d start over, but considering all the outdoor shows I’ll be going to when I get home, I’m not going to bother and just keep pluggin away instead. I have to admit that watching Wild Nothing on a pier on the west side without a Sixpoint in hand, is going to be tough. God, I miss New York.

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  • Renee

    The thing about getting control over things we feel out of control about is that it takes time. Time and forgiveness. It doesn’t matter if you ‘slip up’, so long as you don’t give up. And don’t beat your self up over one glass of wine. It is more important to learn how to drink in moderation than to prove that you can go for X amount of time without a drop.

    Also, sorry about the shitty week. Look at these pictures of manatees:
    Calming Manatee

    • Amanda Chatel

      Renee! That totally made my day… thank you. I love manatees!

    • Jen

      Yes to everything Renee said, Amanda. Plus manatees! How awesome is that?

      One of my favorite sayings ever is “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” I’ve seen it called a Japanese proverb, but I can’t confirm that with any certainty. Also I have no idea if that’s the actual wording, but it’s the gist, anyway. I just really like it. Fall down? Get back up, dust off your ass and carry on.

      And any way you do your carrying on is just fine.

      I’m sorry to hear about your sister-in-law-in-law, that’s such a bummer. And of course Tattoo Guy, but honestly he’s probably easier to deal with/write off than the family situation.

    • Amanda Chatel

      That really is a great quote. Thank you, Jen!

    • I don’t even know what I am talking about, or why

      Renee is absolutely right. Learning to deal with drinking responsibly is what it’s all about, not counting the days of your abstinence. You are doing fine.

      Then again, your wording of “needing” a glass of wine is indicative of a contraproductive mindset. If you had just really craved a glass of wine, and given in to this maybe lesser temptation, it would have seemed less dangerous to me. But as long as alcohol is a means for you to deal with difficult situations, I think you will have a hard time gaining control over it.

  • Rose

    Hi Amanda,
    Look I cannot tell you that you are an alcoholic. I can not tell you that I have the answers.
    But, I can tell you that if you go to an aa meeting and sit in the back you will not have to give up drinking. Many people come in to their first meeting drunk. Many people never come to a second meeting.
    You will not have to become a christian. I know people in the program who have used gaia, satan, and the universe as their higher power.
    You will not be the highest functioning person in the room. In your initial post you said that you could go 24hrs w/o drinking so you weren’t going to aa. THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS. THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS. THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS. I strongly believe, after reading that initial post, that you will identify with some of the people in the rooms.
    Finally, let me say, cliches are cliches for a reason. You might laugh at sober people repeating to themselves “one day at a time”, but there is a pretty significant truth behind that saying.
    Please go to an aa meeting. Sit in the back. Don’t say anything. Show up drunk. Whatever. Just go.

    • Jen

      Attraction, not promotion. Just saying.

  • Breezy

    Good for you for being honest and realistic about all this. Everybody slips up now and then, but that doesn’t negate your efforts. So be proud of yourself for all this awesome progress!

    My grandpa passed away last week, so I slipped a little as well. I tried not to be too hard on myself– it’s difficult to spend days grieving with Chicago Irish family and not have a cocktail or two. But other than that I am still with you! Even today, after a long terrible week, when all my sad little face wanted was one glass of sweet red wine. I was thisclose to giving in, but I got a cupcake instead. Probably not any better, but one vice at a time :)

    • Amanda Chatel

      I’m so sorry, Breezy, for your loss. I don’t even know what to say except that you’re in my thoughts.

      But on a positive note, I’m glad we’re still being relatively good! My mother’s side is Boston Irish, so I know what you mean about grieving without a drink — it’s just not done properly without some Irish whiskey.

      Cupcakes are always good in helping to quell pain… granted, combined with champagne, it’s even better, but on their own, they’re still pretty great.

  • Spastastic

    I know the words of a relative stranger who doesn’t comment very often (although I read basically everything you write here) don’t mean much, but I’m so sorry about all the shit happening right now. I’d say you were entirely justified in slipping up a little and having that glass of wine.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Thank you. And actually the words of a relative stranger sometimes mean more, because you’re not obligated to be kind. So thank you again.