• Wed, Aug 1 2012

I Got A Shenis And It Changed My Life

I’ve always been terrible at peeing anywhere but a decently clean bathroom. I lack the quad strength to squat properly, and when I do try to pee standing up, I tend to pee all over myself. I got a little bit better at it when traveling through Mexico, but I still had to wear a dress and take my underwear off completely so that the only things I peed on were my easy to clean legs. Not ideal!

In light of these facts, I’ve wanted to try out one of those pee funnel thingies for a while, and I figured this past weekend’s camping trip would be as good a time as any to do it. Technically, there was a bathroom there, but it was relatively far from my tent, and somewhat hard to find in the dark, especially when intoxicated. Which I planned to be.

Before leaving the city, I stopped by Babeland to check out what kinds of urination accessories they had. As it turned out, they had two, the “pStyle” and the “Go Girl,” but the sex educator on duty strongly steered me towards the pStyle for its inability to overflow and its ability to point the stream outwards and away from my shoes, just like a real penis would.

Made out of easy-to-clean plastic, the p-style has a simple yet elegant design. You simply place it under your urethra, point it wherever you like (Tree? River? Person? The sky’s the limit!) and piss like a man. When you’re done, simply squeegee forward (it doesn’t come into contact with your butt, so it’s okay) and put it…wherever it is that you want to keep a pee-covered shenis. I chose the hood of my friend’s car. (I know it’s technically called a pStyle, but I like “shenis” better, so I’m using them interchangeably like people do with Kleenex and tissues.)

That all sounded easy enough, but how would it work when I was tripping balls at 6am?

The first time I used my shenis, I’d been smoking jazz cigarettes down by the river and the bathroom seemed too far away to even think about walking to. Was I going to have to submerge myself in the icy water? Then I remembered I had a shenis, and skipped over to the car to get it. I documented this momentous occasion with a photo (above).

It took me a minute to get the shenis into the right position, during which time I peed on my hand a little. But once I got the hang of it, it was glorious! As I watered the roots of the tree, I realized a whole new world had opened up to me that I’d hitherto only dreamed of. No longer dependent on things like “bathrooms” and “toilet paper,” I could go where I liked, do what I liked, write my name in the snow if I liked. I was, and remain, a woman liberated.

After that, there was no stopping me. I peed on trees, in the river, here, there, and everywhere. One guy asked me if I’d use it to pee on him, and I said “maybe later.” No matter my outfit or level of intoxication, I was able to operate the device flawlessly. (You haven’t lived until you’ve tinkled through a glowing plasma curtain.) In a moment of need, one of my friends tried it too, and she agreed that it was wonderful. And in addition to enjoying my new appendage, I feel like I understand men just a little bit better now. Like, I’ve realized why my boyfriend will go in the yard so cavalierly when the bathroom is just 50 feet away: simply put, peeing outdoors is awesome. I can’t believe I slept on it so long.

They say you can even use this thing through the fly of your pants, but as I spent most of the weekend in a bikini and/or poncho, I haven’t gotten to try that out yet. I’m sure it works very well. It’s fucking magic.

Here is where you can buy a pStyle. Do it. It will seriously change your life.

And as for those of who are already good at peeing outside…well, bully for you. But I bet you’d be even better at it with a shenis.

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  • Jon

    tell me that’s your FB prof pic

  • Maggie

    Your camping trip sounds awesome.

    I tried one of these a few years ago, and it was called a “PeeZy”, but they came in packs of 10 disposable “shenises” (lol) since they were made of something like cardboard. It worked well if you only had to pee a little, but one literally disintegrated in my hand and I ended up peeing on myself. Not so fun.

  • Jerusha

    Best friends share shenises. Good for you!

  • Tom

    Well, that’s it for men. All the advantages of being able to micturate wherever, whenever you please, no chance of getting cut off by some psycho. Not only that, you don’t ever have to deal with the absurdity of urinating while tumescent. It is a chore.
    I’m very much looking forward to ladies appreciating the pleasure of peeing off of something really high and watching the tinkle fall to the ground. It’s one of life’s greatest pleasures. Right up there with getting the back of your neck shaved.

    Sounds like a fun camping “trip.” I could use a little more of that in my life.

    • Jamie Peck

      I will have to try that next! I’m in New Hampshire this week so I’m sure I can find somewhere good to do it. (I am a forest person now.)

  • Renee

    But more importantly, what does the color of shenis you choose say about you?

  • Amy

    I wonder if they also make handy carrying cases for when you’re on a roadtrip or doing other outdoor traveling. A ziplock bag would just get pee droplets all over it.

  • MEishes

    adding this to my bucket list..it keeps getting longer and longer

  • Jess

    Best blog post ever.

    • Ashley Cardiff

      I’m inclined to agree.

      CERTAINLY best headline image ever.

  • Lo

    Challenge: link a few together and see if you can pee round corners.

  • Jess

    that’s it! I am totally getting one of these things in time for festival season next year. queueing for half an hour just to pee in a glorified portaloo while dudes breeze in and out of the urinals sucks!

    and I love the expression in that photo. it’s like ‘fuck yes!’

  • Cate

    Oh my god, that seriously seems like the funnest thing ever. I’m already a pro at peeing outside, even when intoxicated, but this sounds like it would actually make it fun.

  • Sabrina

    This has absolutely nothing to do with your article: I just needed to come back here after spending a few days on xojane and tell everyone at the gloss that I love them (writers and commenters). This is the best community online right now I’m pretty sure. We can engage in discussions, tell jokes, and fart on each other and it’s awesome. And except for the occasional troll, you know what we don’t do? Shit all over each other. (Farting and shitting on each other are two very different things. Farts are what you do on friends for a giggle. Shits are what you do to make people cry.) I don’t know if anyone else here has been following the explosion that has followed Gala Darling joining xojane in the last few days, but I took a browse through the comments and it’s some pretty harsh shit. Not even just to the writers and editors, but to their fellow community commenters. It put a cloud over my heart and then I came back here today to see this article. And I realized how much I hella miss everyone here.

    This is about this article: Fucking rad.

    • julimonster

      SOLD – I think Mom will be getting one for her birthday as well….

  • woo

    Well no more sitting on milk crates for me! SHE-NIS! SHE-NIS! Can we get a chant going?!

    PS love you Jamie

  • Jeff

    Bravo. I like innovation. Wait til you get to the snow girls. That’s when it’s really fun!

  • turtle

    why are you in a bra and undies?

    • Jamie Peck

      It’s a bathing suit. I wore it all weekend.