• Mon, Aug 6 2012

How Important Are Nice Teeth In A Significant Other?

Shane MacGowan, of the Pogues, is probably more known for his teeth than his music.

My first love doesn’t have the best of teeth. OK, that’s being kind. He has horrible teeth and he’s well aware of it, so when he speaks, he keeps his mouth shut and pretty much mumbles. It wasn’t always this way.

When we dated in our early 20′s he had all his teeth and they were a perfectly lovely set of pearly whites. But years of drugs, hard living, and overall debauchery of a lifestyle have taken a toll and on top of looking much older than his 34 years of age, his teeth have really suffered. What few remain are dark and grey and it’s something you only noticed when he’s a had bit to drink and laughs, forgetting that he’s supposed to be keeping his mouth shut.

This particular fella left New York City today to make a life in some little southern town where he plans to open a bar, grow up and leave all this, this being New York, behind. I hadn’t seen him since I left for France a few months ago so he came over to say a proper goodbye. He was, after all, the incentive to put my fears aside and move here. We played our usual show and tell of the music we’ve been listening to, sat in bed, drank champagne and had this evening that was completely reminiscent of the ones we had at 22 years old. I think we were both too caught up in the moment because when we hit a silence, he moved in to kiss me. I looked into his pale blue eyes, the ones that always make me think of the Velvet Underground song of the same name whenever I see him, and just couldn’t do it.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s still beautiful, talented, funny and really smart; he’s still all the things I fell in love with a long time ago, but I just can’t get over the teeth factor. I don’t know how the women who have dated him since his teeth started being an issue could can accept it.

He often talks about “fixing” his teeth, and I really wish he would. Not for me or for anyone else, but because he is clearly very, very uncomfortable and I imagine talking to with his lips pursed all the time isn’t doing him any favors in keeping even more wrinkles from popping up on his darling face.

I’m not suggesting that everyone should have perfect teeth, because ones that are a bit wonky are actually quite endearing, but when there’s a Shane MacGowan situation going on, it really is something that’s hard to get over — especially for those on the other end of that kiss.

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  • Larissa

    Everyone has a ‘thing’ that’s a deal breaker for them, which is totally fine! And teeth is a really popular one. I think it’s biological, because the state of your teeth is pretty representative of your health, so subconsciously nobody wants to mate with someone sickly. That’s my educated guess, anyway.

  • holleeta

    Idk my boyfriend now has perfect teeth. But Tom Hardy has what he calls wonky teeth and I’d still fuck the shit out of him and easily wife him. So I guess it depends on what else the person has going for them.

  • Jen

    I don’t mind crooked teeth but grey & black teeth would probably give me pause. Shane up there has a nightmare mouth!

    • Amanda Chatel

      Apparently, Shane started drinking and doing drugs at 4 years old… I find that hard to believe, but that’s the story attached to his mouth. Gross.

  • Lisa

    Really bad teeth are definitely a deal breaker for me. I once went out with this perfectly nice guy, and while I really enjoyed talking with him, his teeth were absolutely revolting. I knew I couldn’t continue to go out with him since my shallow self was kind of transfixed by how yellow and black they were. There was no way in hell I’d ever be attracted to kiss him, so it was adios time.

    Yes, I was shallow. But I couldn’t move past it. Still kind of feel bad about it but what was I supposed to do? Sigh.

  • No Staggles

    Cavities are one of the most contagious diseases on the planet. It is scientifically provent that cavities can be passed on to another person through the poor bacteria in the persons mouth. If their bacteria is stronger than your normal mouth flora, you can develop teeth and gum issues. Bad teeth are a deal breaker. I am not suffering poor dental hygene because a man is nice. Take care of your teeth. They are more important that you think.

  • Tania

    A little crooked is fine, even cute. But unhealthy, discoloured, cavity-ridden mouths always make me think of bad breath, and bad breath is my biggest problem with other people. It makes me ill.

    So I guess it’s not about perfectly straight teeth as much as it is clean mouths for me.

  • Renee

    It’s more of a health issue than people realize. If they looked really bad, I would worry about the makeout session transferring some bad bacteria to my mouth. I have pretty good teeth, and try to keep them that way.