• Tue, Aug 7 2012

How I Accidentally Worked On A Porn Set

Shortly thereafter, I received a message from a woman who knew a man—I know, it was a very solid connection—who needed a makeup artist for a “bisexual art film.” It sounded slightly sketchy, but they offered to pay me quite a bit more than the less-than-minimum-wage that I was used to, so I agreed to the job. Plus, the director called and offered to buy me all of my favorite snacks. I have never turned down free snacks.

Yes, at this point in the story, I am essentially the equivalent of a child walking into a van because somebody has offered her a bag of candy.

Because I was completely carless the first two years of college, I needed a ride; the director’s daughter offered to pick me up. As I waited for her, I wondered banally—everything was banal when I was nineteen and life’s biggest problem was my neglectful college boyfriend—if I would be kidnapped. I left a note for my housemate Heidi letting her know that if I didn’t call by 8pm, I was probably dead or something.

I should have known something was slightly amiss as soon as I entered the car: a girl at least five years my senior—let’s call her Stephanie*—sat blasting Miley Cyrus. I asked her if she was interested in film. Stephanie simply popped in a Jonas Brothers CD. A few moments later, I tried again and asked if she had grown up in southern California. Her reply was either Taylor Swift or Demi Lovato; they’re practically the same, though I have a feeling Stephanie would probably have thrown me out onto the freeway for saying so.

We arrived at the set, a small house in a residential neighborhood, around six. I had worked at plenty of homes for films before, so I thought nothing of it. I was greeted by the director, a very large Hispanic man with an effeminate voice and kind eyes, as well as a few other members of the crew.

Sure enough, all of my snacks were in order. Milk Duds in hand, I felt assured that this was a legitimate film set.

I sat down with the first actor, a young and cute twenty-something white guy with a great tan named Robert. As I did his makeup, we discussed his blossoming career, prospective jobs, and life story—the exact same conversation I have had with just about every performer I’ve ever worked on—and we got along very well. When I was just about finished, he took off his shirt, glanced at his chest, and asked me if I could cover up a few blemishes on it because his “nude scene” was coming up. I was a bit taken aback, but then assumed this was just a normal aspect of this “art film.” I concealed the spots and the next actor was sent to me.

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  • L

    “And suddenly, I looked like the pervert.” LOL!

    awesome story!!

  • bean

    Reading this was the highlight of my day.

  • Katie

    This was so funny and wonderful. Please write more, Samantha!

    • Sam

      Thank you all, I’m hoping to! :D

  • Libby

    This was really entertaining!
    “Whoa, no girl, not there—it’s on my neck.”
    I would’ve been so embarrassed.

  • Amber Nefertari

    What an awesome post! This was hilarious, I am surprised you didn’t hear anything akward while you were waiting eating you ‘snacks’. How could you even eat snacks with that going on hahaha!

    beautyandthestreetmag.blogspot.com

  • ash

    w00000000000!

  • Tori B.

    So, wait….. you opted out of IMDB attaching your name to it, but then wrote an article about the experience?…..

    • Sam

      Haha, I can see how it might seem strange, but I have a few reasons:
      1) It’s been three years and I’ve since decided not to 100% pursue a career in makeup.
      2) I was 19 when this happened and my parents weren’t particularly pleased that my job (outside of going to college) was not on campus, it was actually working 36 hrs/week on sets, often until late at night. But they would’ve been flat-out upset if they had realized I had worked on an adult film, ha. Their opinion holds considerably less sway on my life nowadays.
      3) Anybody who reads this article will realize that adult film makeup is not my profession or focus because this explains the whole situation; an IMDB credit would not be listed as “Sam Escobar….Accidental Makeup Artist.”

  • Eagle Eye

    Great post…what people will do for their snacks…

  • AL

    i loved this! i now work as a celebrity make-up artist but i used to do makeup for a few porn films many (so many) years ago and had many similar awkward moments.. like when the guys would sit in the makeup chair for touch ups naked and i would be mortified and mumble for them to put some pants on, embarrassing them and me. one time we were out on a boat and i was asked to hold a reflector light over the couple.. stuck on a swaying boat sea sick and standing right on top them watching them go at it was awful!