Is your vagina feeling worn out, flappy, or just plain unattractive? ’18 Again’ vaginal tightening gel will restore it back to its pristine, original, still-in-the-box condition! Because what sex feels better than fumbling, stinging, membrane-tearing, 18-year-old virgin sex?
No sex, according to the woman in the ad, who waltzes around singing convincingly to everyone about how she feels “like a virgin.” (Madonna’s lawyer on line 1!) Much like that of Jessica on True Blood, her hymen is back in a major way, ready to be sensuously bloodied once again. This appeals to the elderly couple so much that they decide to buy some, too.
I don’t want to be a cultural imperialist here, but the idea that a woman should derive sexual pleasure from feeling like she’s a stupid teenager again (while her partner remains a grown man) is just a little bit gross to me. And that idea is hardly confined to India; one need only look as far as the statistics on vaginoplasty to see that American culture is rife with it. That said, if I’m going to be receiving depressing messages about my ancient, cavernous, 27-year-old vagina, they might as well come with a catchy Bollywood soundtrack.