• Tue, Aug 14 2012

Lady Gaga Suggests Handjobs Are Better With A Manicure

"A lady always offers a tuggie."

First of all, it’s way too early for a handjob headline and we’re really sorry about it. Second of all, Lady Gaga is still writing her V column–it’s just been a while since she’s said anything outlandishly stupid, so you may have forgotten that it existed at all. Anyway, in Gaga Memo #7, she reveals that she (much like the internet) is currently preoccupied with nail art. “Manicures,” she begins, “Are extremely underrated,” and claims that the key to standing out amongst other stylish women is to have good nails.

…But there’s seven other reasons you should get a manicure and here they are, according to Gaga:

1. Having a perfect manicure instantly makes you feel beautiful and clean.
2. You’ll be ready for sex or to put a penis in your hand.
3. It’s a way for you to express yourself (be careful how you do that).
4. It forces you to see the importance of making time for yourself.
5. It boosts your self esteem everyday [sic].
6. It projects an image of success, which is good for biz.

With the exception of #2, this is more or less the same claptrap found in any ladymag (“Express yourself! Self esteem stuff!”), but… can you imagine being not ready for sex because of your nails?

Then again, Lady Gaga has discovered the secret to a worthwhile handjob.

(V, photo via Wenn)

 

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