• Tue, Aug 14 2012

Crowdsourcing: Got Any Good Summer Cold Remedies?

Yes, I'm wearing my leoaprd print coat. In August. I love it and it makes me feel safe and I am sick. I AM SICK.

AHHH I AM DEATH.

So, a pretty significant plus of having an office environment is being able to go in and tell everyone you’re an incubus of viral plague. It’s my Emily Blunt Devil Wears Prada impression.

Really. I don’t know why I keep going to work when I’m sick. I mean, I do. It’s because I am saving my sick days for the time my leg inevitably gets chopped off. I absolutely believe this will happen one day, and I will need a bunch of sick days for when it happens. Every year I think this will happen, and when it does not, I feel a little cheated.

I also feel cheated whenever I have a cold in the summer, because you can’t sit around and drink hot toddys. You can eat tomato soup, but it’s not really as good as it is during the winter. I don’t want to eat gazpacho. Eating gazpacho sounds totally disgusting. But eating hot soup in August also doesn’t sound that great, either. Ice cream sounds considerably better, but I hear it’s bad for your throat.

What do you do while you’re just carrying around the plague inside you, waiting for your legs to get chopped off?

Don’t say “watch Contagion.” That’s a given. I’m channeling the Jude Law character as best I can.

Oh, Jesus Christ, I feel terrible. What are your best summer sickness tips? I’m 7 minutes away from crawling under my desk and power napping. By power napping I mean “napping like a feeble kitten for the next 12 hours.”

Also, I’m going out tonight (I’m finally going to see The Book of Mormon, I’m not missing it) so, if we can’t make me feel better, any ideas on how I can look healthy? Blush, maybe?

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  • MeganE

    Shower Soothers! Those little alka-seltzer tablets for your shower floor always open up my sinuses, throat, and lungs and I leave feeling a million times better than when I went in.

    I may or may not have used them even when I’m not sick just for a quick hangover ass-kicking.

    • Amy

      I have never heard of such a thing! Can’t wait to try!

  • Lauren

    First, going to see The Book of Mormon is the best way to make you feel better. You’ll be laughing so hard you won’t remember you are sick.

    I usually just drink tea. Even in the summer, because let’s face it, you’re in an air conditioned building. Unless you aren’t. Then probably don’t drink tea. I also take echinacea and vitamin c.

  • Sam

    Thera-flu always helps me stay congestion free for at least an hour or two and it helps for even longer than that with the sore throat/coughing.

    Use Blistex on your nose if you’re blowing it a lot to keep it from getting red and chapped, play up your eyes, and don’t put more blush than usual or it’ll just enhance whatever redness is around your nostrils/lips.

  • kjon

    Cheer up, honey, WASPs don’t get “sick”. Say you’re “slightly under the weather” and try cough syrup & bourbon with honey and/or lemon juice. :)

    • Jennifer Wright

      I love you and you can borrow my Edie Sedgwick plague jacket anytime.

  • NotThumper

    Awww feel better! I wish I had some tips for you, I spent my teen years and early 20′s being sick as a dog and NOTHING ever worked for me. The one thing that DID work was finally having my tonsils removed, but that is a drastic measure and really only works if you have tonsillitis, which my colds always turned into. However since having them removed I haven’t been sick once.

    I definitely recommend The Book of Mormon for a cure, as well as lots of Dayquil (or cold drug of choice), and Cepacol throat lozenges.

  • Sabrina

    Do anything with salt water. If your sinuses are really blocked and congested, snort salt water. It will be the most awful two minutes of your life, this is a guarantee, but it works like nothing else. Your snot will be running out constantly for about an hour, but after that it’s completely gone. If you have a sore throat, gargle salt water. See description of two minutes of awful above. But this shit works.

  • Breezy

    Step one. Hydrate. Drink a shit ton of water with lemon, both for the vitamins and the refreshy feeling.

    Step two. Drink a vinegar tonic. You will hate it. Every time I am sick I do literally everything else possible to feel better, then do this as a last resort. And it works so amazingly that I tell myself, “Next time I am going to do this first.” Don’t be like me. Equal parts hot water, apple cider vinegar, and honey. I recommend taking it in gulps like you are doing a shot of something terrible.

    Step three. Highlighter! Grab some Benefit high beam or really anything like it and rub it all over your whole face so you are glowing like a fucking angel.

    Step four. Get pretty. If you are going to feel like shit, you might as well look good doing it. Put on a sparkly headband and an assload of mascara. It might make you feel a little better, but even if it doesn’t no one else will know how miserable you are.

    • Sean

      Is the highlighter thing only allowed when you’re sick? I’m not sick, but I would colour myself yellow like one of the characters from When She Woke by Hillary Jordan and go to a comic convention, then act snooty when I say people are wrong for assuming I’m from Star Trek.

      Wait, highlighter washes off right? Right?

    • Breezy

      Wellll I meant a makeup kind of highlighter, but by all means give the old Bic a whirl. No promises on it washing off! Although I think Cosmo once recommended using pink highlighter (the office kind) as a makeshift lip stain, so who knows? Maybe you’ll start a trend…

    • Sean

      A trend of bat-crap crazy people?

      Well, I suppose the outside should match the inside.

      I never realized there were “makeup” highlighters. Is it supposed to give you a sheen or a glow or something? Something to hide the fact you’ve just come back from the barber and had a right proper bleeding?

    • Amy

      I always “get pretty” when I’m sick. My boyfriend thinks I’m ridiculous getting all dolled up to lie on the couch all day, but it’s the outside trying to convince the inside that everything is glorious.

  • Anon

    You’re so pretty! Even when sick!