I’m Seriously Considering Freezing My Eggs

As someone who’s in her early 30′s, but yet pushing her mid-30′s (gasp!), I have been informed by my friends who have kids that my eggs are slowly but surely dying. Yes. Everyday that passes my ovaries are aging at some sort of epic rate like no other person in the world, and I will probably be infertile by later this afternoon. At least this is how it is explained to me, dramatically, with arms flailing and people pleading with me: “Please, Mandy! You’re running out of time! You have to do something!”

When I was a kid I assumed I’d get married and have my own children by the time I was old; which of course when you’re six or seven, “old” is 22 or so. Then the part about having kids stopped seeming appealing, and it was no longer part of my grown-up dream. I even declared this in an interview with the New York Post, despite the fact that my friends and family were making bets with my left and right that eventually I’d have kids, and I’d have to call up the Post and tell them I’m a liar. Because obviously the Post wants to get that call so they can do a follow-up piece on me, as I am quite an important member of this society. Pretending is fun!

In the interview, I was completely honest about my lack of desire to procreate, but then something horrible has been happening in the last six months and I can feel my ovaries pitter-pattering, just like my heart, when I’m around babies. It’s weird, it’s awful and I fear it means I may want to make a baby or something. Although, to be honest, my mom and sister have agreed that I’m not the best person to be a mother because I wouldn’t do so unless I could afford a full-time nanny. As stay-at-home mothers themselves, this mentality doesn’t fly.

“Why would you have a child, if you didn’t want to be with it 24-hours a day?”

“Because I have a life and would like continue to have that life,” is always my response.

So on a whim I started looking into freezing my eggs just to see what it might entail and cost. The results were not pretty. I knew it was expensive, but this shit is ridiculous.

Although prices vary from city to city, and hospital to hospital, each cycle can set you back anywhere from $6,000 to $15,000. In fact NYU, right up the street from charges about $12,000 per cycle. Of course, depending on how your body responds to those 10 days of hormone shots, it may take several cycles before you can can even get some viable eggs. Since I’m quite certain my eggs are already wonky, as statistics have told me, I’m probably looking at more than one cycle to get some eggs that are going to seal the deal later in life for me.

But then there’s also the “seal the deal” factor that actually isn’t a guarantee at all.

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    • Leila

      As someone who had babysitters and nanny’s growing up, I think you’re completely justified in thinking that a nanny is the best thing ever. I loved mine. My mother loved them too. My mother also liked them. I have reason to believe that I am a normal person who was not scarred by the experience, so hurrah.

    • Childfree

      A 2003 study by Dr. Phil surveyed 20,000 parents; a third said if they had to do it all over again, they wouldn’t have had kids. The same year, at the University of Florida, a survey of 3,800 people between the ages of 50 and 84 debunked the myth of elderly regret, finding “no significant differences in depression between parents and childless adults.”

      Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/we_say_no_to_babies_and_yes_to_nyc_2i0q9vs7bKt4pcQfhbYNVO#ixzz23oq2vgga

      • Larissa

        I’m super interested in that study. I have never wanted kids, but i’m always afraid if I don’t have them,, i’ll wake up one day and regret it. Only once in a very long while will I feel even a muffled ticking of the biological clock. Only once in a blue moon I will think, “oh hey, babies are cute, i could get down with that….sometime in the extremely distant future”. I’m 25 now., and it hasn’t hit me yet. But i’m afraid that i’m going to get punched in the face by full on baby fever one day simply because I keep hearing I will.

    • samwise

      this is a sticky situation. I feel you.
      As a 29 year old with no prospects and only a meger income, kids is pretty much out of the question, like I don’t even get a choice on this.
      It’s a weird feeling, you grow up with all this pressure and standard flourishing around you even without actively WANTING children, or really knowing if you do or do not, it’s hard to get away from that. “this is normal, this is what you should want”.

    • Ms. Pants

      I love babies. They’re so adorable and innocent! I like making faces at them, getting them to smile and laugh. And then handing them back when they cry, I get bored, or they start stinking.

      My personal feeling is that babies ruin everything. I can leave a large bowl of food out for my cat and go away for the weekend. They frown on doing that with a toddler. I can eat garlic knots as meals for a week in order to afford a killer beer binge on the weekend. Babies haven’t grasped that concept. I can take a huge bong rip anytime I like. Do that around a baby and people freak the fuck out. I can also hold a conversation with anyone about anything. People with babies tend to only talk about their fucking babies.

      I’ve lost several friends to babies. I know relationships change and I’m happy for my friends with crotchfruit cos they all really wanted kids. But I miss phone conversations that weren’t all about babies shitting or that are 75% yelling “no! No! put that down! stop! don’t eat that! get off your brother’s head! i know you’re bored–go do something. no! i’m on the phone! no! oh, hang on, he wants to talk to you….” Pro-Tip: if you put your kid on the phone with me unsolicited, I will spend my portion of the conversation trying to teach him how to say words like “prostitute” and “bukkake.”

      But then, I’ve never ticked. I didn’t get that on the conveyor belt of life. I’ve always known I didn’t want kids. I see kids and they’re cute and I like them, but I REALLY like being able to walk away from them and continue on with my life WITHOUT them. I have never ticked.

      (And now that I don’t have a uterus, people finally have stopped fucking telling me I’ll change my mind.)

      My whole thing is: better to not have a kid if you’re not sure, than to have one and completely regret it.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Oh god… those phone conversations with friends who are mothers are the worst with all that reprimanding of their kids they do.

        And I do the same thing when someone puts their kid on the phone: “Now makes sure you ask mommy what a dildo is before you go to bed tonight…” I’m mature.

      • Colleen

        “Crotchfruit” will now become part of my everyday vocabulary! Thank you! LOL
        I want kids, my man wants kids, we can barely afford to keep ourselves afloat, are 37 and 40, but we are still going to figure out a way to do it, even though my eggs may be drying out as we speak. Screw those people and their fear-mongering.
        If you don’t want kids, never feel pressured to have them. If you want kids, go ahead when the time (and sperm) are right. If you aren’t sure, no need to rush to a decision.
        I have friends who aren’t sure if they want kids or not, but they have decided they aren’t going to rush the decision and will adopt if necessary if their biological clocks start ticking late.
        There are so many options available to us as women in this generation–thank goodness!

    • meteor_echo

      Don’t let your friends bingo you. Your uterus and its contents (or the lack thereof) should be nobody’s business but yours.
      Perhaps, it’d be a good option to freeze your eggs if you so want, but, if you’re not 100% sure you want a child and can provide it with financial, physical and moral support, don’t have one. Kids ruin everything.

      • Amanda Chatel

        “Kids ruin everything.”

        No truer words have ever been written. But I still have that fucking “what if?” messing with me!

    • holleeta

      I hate babies and have always found people with a preference for them to be strange. I’ve never had a desire to have my own child. even as a young girl I preferred playing outside to playing with dolls. I don’t warm up to kids until they’re about 7 and have their own personality. I’ve been pregnant twice and both times I was miserably ill so I don’t think the third time will be a charm.

      I’d like to adopt children one day, not babies. I feel like most people adopting are looking for infants just as people looking for dogs want puppies, but I want what others don’t. I feel bad for the older kids who are bounced between foster homes and for the senior dogs that no one wants. it breaks my heart.

    • Amy

      I really don’t want to have babies of my own, but I DO want to have grandkids. I think I will adopt a bunch of 17 year olds and then I can experience the joys of a large family without having to actually take care of young children.