I’m Seriously Considering Freezing My Eggs

Women who choice to have their eggs frozen while between the ages of 32 and 35, because let’s be honest, no 28-year-old is going to think they’ll even need this as an option, are looking at a 40-50% success rate. It’s not very promising. Those women who freeze their eggs between 35 and 38 have on a 35% chance of getting preggers once those babies are thawed; and tragically, the women who are really late to the party and decide to freeze their goods at the age of 39 or 40, are looking at only a 20-25% chance of being able to get knocked up. After 40, forget it, because it’s less than 10% at that point.

So while I fall into that first bracket, do I really want to head up to NYU and drop 12k on something that may or may not even lead to a future pregnancy? And more realistically, do I even have that chunk of money to be able to invest in this? The answer to the first question is I don’t know; the answer to the second question is a resounding NO.

After running this idea past my therapist, she tried to steer me away from the idea of freezing my eggs because of those less than appealing statistics. She explained that if I wanted to freeze anything to procure the chance at motherhood later in life, I may want to consider having embryos frozen, which is not only even more pricey, but involves sperm. I’ve yet to meet a sperm with which I’d like to make the babies — and my mother was so hoping for a granddaughter at some point from me.

At this point, it’s just a thought — this whole egg freezing thing, it’s a serious thought. Because maybe my family is right; maybe I’d be a lousy mother since I think nannies are the best! But honestly, my mothering skills aside, because no one will know for sure until I have one, I am definitely in the market for a baby. I think I’d really like a baby within the next five years. This urge is a foreign concept for me, but for some reason it’s there and I’m starting to get nervous that maybe my chance to have one is non-existent. It hasn’t started keeping me up at night, but I fear that someday it will.

Once again, I’m late to the party. But in this case I wish I would have had these urges early so I could have done something about it. I’m not saying I would have run out and gotten pregnant at 29, but had I known that maybe, just maybe I’d like a mini-me at some point, I may have at least started a savings account for such a procedure just in case Mr. Right was late to the party, too. And apparently, he is.

 

Photo: Mauricio Alejo

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    • Leila

      As someone who had babysitters and nanny’s growing up, I think you’re completely justified in thinking that a nanny is the best thing ever. I loved mine. My mother loved them too. My mother also liked them. I have reason to believe that I am a normal person who was not scarred by the experience, so hurrah.

    • Childfree

      A 2003 study by Dr. Phil surveyed 20,000 parents; a third said if they had to do it all over again, they wouldn’t have had kids. The same year, at the University of Florida, a survey of 3,800 people between the ages of 50 and 84 debunked the myth of elderly regret, finding “no significant differences in depression between parents and childless adults.”

      Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/we_say_no_to_babies_and_yes_to_nyc_2i0q9vs7bKt4pcQfhbYNVO#ixzz23oq2vgga

      • Larissa

        I’m super interested in that study. I have never wanted kids, but i’m always afraid if I don’t have them,, i’ll wake up one day and regret it. Only once in a very long while will I feel even a muffled ticking of the biological clock. Only once in a blue moon I will think, “oh hey, babies are cute, i could get down with that….sometime in the extremely distant future”. I’m 25 now., and it hasn’t hit me yet. But i’m afraid that i’m going to get punched in the face by full on baby fever one day simply because I keep hearing I will.

    • samwise

      this is a sticky situation. I feel you.
      As a 29 year old with no prospects and only a meger income, kids is pretty much out of the question, like I don’t even get a choice on this.
      It’s a weird feeling, you grow up with all this pressure and standard flourishing around you even without actively WANTING children, or really knowing if you do or do not, it’s hard to get away from that. “this is normal, this is what you should want”.

    • Ms. Pants

      I love babies. They’re so adorable and innocent! I like making faces at them, getting them to smile and laugh. And then handing them back when they cry, I get bored, or they start stinking.

      My personal feeling is that babies ruin everything. I can leave a large bowl of food out for my cat and go away for the weekend. They frown on doing that with a toddler. I can eat garlic knots as meals for a week in order to afford a killer beer binge on the weekend. Babies haven’t grasped that concept. I can take a huge bong rip anytime I like. Do that around a baby and people freak the fuck out. I can also hold a conversation with anyone about anything. People with babies tend to only talk about their fucking babies.

      I’ve lost several friends to babies. I know relationships change and I’m happy for my friends with crotchfruit cos they all really wanted kids. But I miss phone conversations that weren’t all about babies shitting or that are 75% yelling “no! No! put that down! stop! don’t eat that! get off your brother’s head! i know you’re bored–go do something. no! i’m on the phone! no! oh, hang on, he wants to talk to you….” Pro-Tip: if you put your kid on the phone with me unsolicited, I will spend my portion of the conversation trying to teach him how to say words like “prostitute” and “bukkake.”

      But then, I’ve never ticked. I didn’t get that on the conveyor belt of life. I’ve always known I didn’t want kids. I see kids and they’re cute and I like them, but I REALLY like being able to walk away from them and continue on with my life WITHOUT them. I have never ticked.

      (And now that I don’t have a uterus, people finally have stopped fucking telling me I’ll change my mind.)

      My whole thing is: better to not have a kid if you’re not sure, than to have one and completely regret it.

      • Amanda Chatel

        Oh god… those phone conversations with friends who are mothers are the worst with all that reprimanding of their kids they do.

        And I do the same thing when someone puts their kid on the phone: “Now makes sure you ask mommy what a dildo is before you go to bed tonight…” I’m mature.

      • Colleen

        “Crotchfruit” will now become part of my everyday vocabulary! Thank you! LOL
        I want kids, my man wants kids, we can barely afford to keep ourselves afloat, are 37 and 40, but we are still going to figure out a way to do it, even though my eggs may be drying out as we speak. Screw those people and their fear-mongering.
        If you don’t want kids, never feel pressured to have them. If you want kids, go ahead when the time (and sperm) are right. If you aren’t sure, no need to rush to a decision.
        I have friends who aren’t sure if they want kids or not, but they have decided they aren’t going to rush the decision and will adopt if necessary if their biological clocks start ticking late.
        There are so many options available to us as women in this generation–thank goodness!

    • meteor_echo

      Don’t let your friends bingo you. Your uterus and its contents (or the lack thereof) should be nobody’s business but yours.
      Perhaps, it’d be a good option to freeze your eggs if you so want, but, if you’re not 100% sure you want a child and can provide it with financial, physical and moral support, don’t have one. Kids ruin everything.

      • Amanda Chatel

        “Kids ruin everything.”

        No truer words have ever been written. But I still have that fucking “what if?” messing with me!

    • holleeta

      I hate babies and have always found people with a preference for them to be strange. I’ve never had a desire to have my own child. even as a young girl I preferred playing outside to playing with dolls. I don’t warm up to kids until they’re about 7 and have their own personality. I’ve been pregnant twice and both times I was miserably ill so I don’t think the third time will be a charm.

      I’d like to adopt children one day, not babies. I feel like most people adopting are looking for infants just as people looking for dogs want puppies, but I want what others don’t. I feel bad for the older kids who are bounced between foster homes and for the senior dogs that no one wants. it breaks my heart.

    • Amy

      I really don’t want to have babies of my own, but I DO want to have grandkids. I think I will adopt a bunch of 17 year olds and then I can experience the joys of a large family without having to actually take care of young children.