Gallery: How To Tell If You’ve Been Legitimately Raped

What with all the controversy over “legitimate rape,” “forcible rape” and “rape-rape” as of late, it’s easy to get confused about whether or not you’ve been actually been raped in any real, water-carrying type of way. Thankfully, there are lots of old, rich white dudes who are willing to give you guidance on the subject. Since I know your feeble lady-brain is too dim to look things up on the Internet, I’ve compiled a a convenient guide to legitimate rape for all of your rape-evaluating needs. It’s drawn from court cases, cultural artifacts, and pearls of wisdom that have tumbled from Todd Akin and other conservatives’ mouths. You’re welcome!

Note: start out with a hundred points. If you finish with fewer than 95, congratulations, you have not been raped after all.

Photo: Wikipedia

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    • Jenniwren

      You forgot: “had you ever previously had any sort of sexual contact with your rapist?” Seriously, I met one guy who just COULD NOT get his head around the idea that you don’t automatically get everlasting visitation rights to a vagina you’d previously been invited into. He just kept saying “But if she’s already slept with him once, what’s the problem?” Ughhhhhh….

      • Suriah

        I’d say that’s pretty flawless logic… and now we can add marital rape to list list of silly things women make up with their silly lady brains!

    • Sam

      Guh, I was literally just discussing with somebody whether it was “legally” rape to have sex with somebody when you’re sober and they’re too drunk to consent. It bums me out that these discussions are still, well, discussions and not simply “rape is fucking rape,” for goodness’ sake.

    • Nancy

      Loved this!

    • Ashley Cardiff


    • TSG

      LOVE this!!!!

    • Barrie Rodliffe

      Rape is forced sex against the victims will, nothing excuses that, certainly not the past and if a girl is too drunk to say no it is still rape, and rapists are losers who rape girls because they are inadequate and need to use force to make themselves feel powerful.

    • K

      I luv how you put “You’re welcome!” at the end of these helpful articles because you’re prescient enough to know that my thank you is definitely on it’s way!!! When will the blatant & obvious disdain for woman, that so many willfully ignorant men hold, stop? Probably not till they’ve satisfactorily put back the hands of time to a hundred years or more where we were obviously more controllable.

    • Shocked

      i dont know if this was sarcasm or not but this disgusted me. i was searching for a legitimate source to research my sexual assault this past weekend and came upon this, hoping for guidance. make jokes about what ever you want but not about rape you ass. and if this wasn’t sarcasm, you are seriously misguided.