I Went To A Lesbian Cougar Meetup

When I arrive at the bar a woman named Judith, who has small wire glasses and short neon blue hair wraps, waves me over. I introduce myself, as ‘just the writer’ and we start talking about what she is here for. Unsurprisingly, she’s here for younger women.

“There is something about women at 27 or 28” she says. “They are young but they know themselves, they are grounded. Plus, I need someone who can stay up having sex all night.” Judith’s eyes glitter and wrinkle at the corners. She looks like someone you might find yourself in an orgy with at an acid-fueled pre-Burning Man loft party. I am surprised when she tells me she is 60 years old — because she looks younger and also because, to my surprise, I was sort of into imagining that whole Burning Man orgy scenario. She seems like someone you could connect with afterward, discussing the astrological “phenomenon” of Saturn Return over e-cigarettes.

As I stare into the space of the dark club, this is all starting to make sense.

Another ‘cougar’ in a sleeveless white dress with brown toned arms and matching first-lady-esque hair nods. “I am just looking for someone to keep up with my energy, y’know?” she says. I squint at the familiarity of this statement. It reminds me of what my college roommate’s boyfriend would say. Admittedly, he was the one who was 45 and bought us margaritas with unrequested double shots — ‘date rape shots’ — at the only Mexican restaurant that would serve us. Coming from this woman the sentiment is far less creepy, though. I officially let it slide when she tells me she has just gotten out of a marriage with a man. She’s had one girlfriend so far. I sip my beer, and wonder if that is how it always works. You start with the younger, dumber ones to save yourself the embarrassment that comes with making-it-up-as-you-go during those first couple face-first dips beneath the sheets.

Later I would search the New York City Craigslist LGBT forum for the words “chicken hawk” and found posts, so someone is still using the term. In one a user reminisced about a 1970s gay club that once let teens in, but separated them from the bar with chicken-wire. Now-of-days, I learned, there are virtual complements like DaddyHunt, SilverDaddies.com and even some smart phone apps. I started asking around and learned that in New York an IRL chicken-hawk bar culture still exists (minus the fenced-in JB section. I think.) My friend Micky, a 24-year-old fashion writer, recommended a place to me, a “gentleman’s club” in Manhattan. The website describes it as a place for “mature men and those who appreciate them.”

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    • Cee

      You are absolutely right about age (and racial) differences being more dismissed in the LGBTQ community as they are already pointed out as different by their orientation. I have never dated a lady with a considerable age difference, but I read an article on Autostraddle.com about this which I would recommend.
      They have a picture of a girl in her early 20′s with a poet in her 60′s. It looks odd, they look like grandmother and grandchild. At first glance it kind of made me shudder, however if they are happy and in love, more power to them.

    • Grace

      check out LesbianCougarDating.com