Yep, some men are also intimidated by your awesome job
So, I googled you and you appear to be a scientist.
You not only have a very impressive job, you are good at things that men are supposed to be good at (er, science). That is obviously a ridiculous stereotype and basically everybody wants more women in the sciences, but even when men, logically, want more women in the sciences and say that they love strong, smart women or whatnot, they do not necessarily associate these things with sexytimes. I haven’t forgotten that SATC episode in which Miranda did much better at a speed dating event by pretending to be a flight attendant.
Mindy Kaling’s New Yorker piece about female stereotypes in the movies listed “The Woman Who Works in an Art Gallery”:
How many freakin’ art galleries are out there? Are people buying visual art on a daily basis? This posh/smart/classy profession is a favorite in movies. It’s in the same realm as kindergarten teacher or children’s-book illustrator in terms of accessibility: guys don’t really get it, but it is likable and nonthreatening.
I have to say, while some of this is sexism, I’m not sure all of it is.
Especially in NYC, where everyone is so driven and career-oriented, it’s not unreasonable to want to be in a relationship with someone who actually has time for a relationship. (So, if you have an awesome and important job but also manage to leave at a reasonable hour and not be tied to your phone, maybe find a way to mention this!)
That said, some men actually find “intimidating” jobs really hot. To some guys, it’s a bit of one-upmanship to say, “My girlfriend can’t make it to this family dinner because she’s presenting a paper at a microbiology conference.” You just have to know your market and stop wasting your time elsewhere.
I remember when I first moved to New York and landed this pretty sweet-seeming job as a Director of Marketing. At age 24! I wore cheap office clothes and bought some kind of knockoff bag on the street. I looked, at best, like a TJ Maxx ad.
Surely, this would not have gotten me a date at a Dartmouth alumni event (see Bullish: Social Class in the Office), but I soon started dating a guy – a smart artist whose day job involved both bookkeeping and rat-killing for a small business – who thought that having a “businesslady” girlfriend was extremely hot. He would ride his bike to meet me outside work, and there he was, all sweaty and malcontent in his grease-stained undershirt and work boots. He had a twenty-pound bike lock for a belt. (He deliberately played it up to look like a guy from the wrong side of the tracks.) It worked for us.
I’ve since been on dates with guys of a more blue-collar persuasion who have been similarly into my job. Your career will be boring to some guys, emasculating to others, and – to borrow a phrase from John Mayer – sexual napalm to a few.