Career success is irrelevant to dating
Quoth Tina Fey on being “the thinking man’s sex symbol”:
“What I’ve come to realize is that when people say, ‘The thinking man’s whatever’ — there’s no such thing. The thinking man also wants to fuck Megan Fox.”
It’s true! The thinking man does want to have sex with someone who looks fun to have sex with. I love Neil deGrasse Tyson’s work, but I’d rather have sex with Channing Tatum. I’m not sure this is sexism so much as being a human. Guys don’t want you for your career. I don’t want guys for their careers. Careers are just not that relevant to sex and relationships.
I have turned down many very unattractive men who are angry and confused because pop culture led them to believe that ugly-but-awesome dudes always get the supermodel in the end, so why won’t girls who clearly aren’t even supermodels just recognize that their engineering degree is awesome and thereby submit to being a human merit trophy?
I have also specifically had to tell a long-term boyfriend who was useless at home but amazing in his career that, “Your career doesn’t benefit me! It doesn’t help you be a better boyfriend! We are not married and you do not support me. Very little of my life is related to impressing people by telling them what my boyfriend does for a job. So you can’t use your career as an excuse for being grumpy every single evening and not cleaning up after yourself.”
Having come from a blue-collar background, I also have met plenty of really smart people who didn’t go to college, or who went to unimpressive colleges for entirely legitimate reasons, and whose careers have continued on that track. (Here in New York, I meet plenty of rather average people whose rich parents wheedled their way into school and now subsidize their lifestyles.) I’m not sure that what people do for their careers is that much of a totem for anything else.
Having a certain kind of job or education doesn’t make you better or worse at relationships. Accept that you’re just like everybody else in that regard.
When you’re an ambitious sort, it’s easy to get caught up in being ambitious about everything, or assuming you’ll be good at everything just because, well … you always are, right?
It can be freeing to be a beginner. Sure, you have a PhD, but you suck at Latin dance (for instance). When it comes to dating, you’re about where everyone else is. It takes some of the pressure off.
Good luck! And many happy walruses.
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